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Date Posted: 21:34:12 05/07/01 Thu
Author: 網魎
Subject: 虛空和焦慮

某天。記不起是那一天。
下船後，回看剛踏過的那塊跳板。
心裡想著：明天同一時間同一地點，我會重遇這一塊跳板嗎？還是它明天就會被扔掉，我不會再見到它？又或許明天我消失了，它還在，我們終是緣堡慳一面，會這樣嗎？
明天與那塊跳板帶給我太多太多的問號，太多太多捉不緊的東西，使我感到焦慮、不安。
不覺走出了碼頭。突然！感到那間麥當勞、那五枝旗桿、那個巴士站，甚至眼前這個地方，差不多每日我也會經過的這個地方，今天竟變這般得陌生，陌生得叫我有點兒害怕。
我好像不懂得它們，它們又好像離我很遠很遠。彷彿只有自己獨立於天地之間，四周漆黑一片，空虛混沌。
墮入虛無的深淵之中，心口悶悶的，很不舒服，好像想嘔吐，但卻吐不出來。
這一刻，就是這一刻，感到自己彷似摸到了存在主義的一點皮毛。

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Replies:

[> 嘔心 -- TED, 22:14:29 05/07/01 Thu

現在的我看著電腦,
當我要離開自己的位子,
走往馬桶,
電腦還在嗎?
沒人可以知道。
完了當做的事,
回到桌前,
繼續打著未打完的字時,
馬桶還在嗎?
邏輯,認知,及經驗告訴我:在。
現實呢?誰知。
所有金屬遇熱,其粒子都會更活躍,
從而擴大。
真是所有嗎?
沒人可以証明所有的金屬遇熱都會擴張。
我是在己存有,
電腦,馬桶和金屬,都是對己存有,
以在己存有去衝量對己存有,
似乎有點困難。


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