| Subject: Priority Mail 336 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Monday, November 07, 11:39:52pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 328+" on Monday, October 24, 07:15:08pm
”Sugar… why didn’t you tell me? A long time ago!” Walter exclaimed as Nikita rode through the contraction and looked up at Walter. “I need to deliver this baby now, Walter.”
“Hell, Sugar… we should go to medical! I’m not a doctor! What if something…”
“No one will know. Ever,” Nikita hissed as she pushed her body up and looked at Walter. “You need to be ready to get this baby, Walter. I’m pushing…”
“Wait! You don’t know if that is right…”
“I’ve been in labor for almost a whole day, Walter.”
Nikita sat against the window, watching the beautiful summer day outside and feeling cold to the bone. She swiped at the tears and squeezed her eyes shut again. She needed to find a way to stop the memories. But it seemed almost impossible.
Or at least impossible until April, her daughter was home with them.
But then the reality would be that Nikita wouldn’t be her mother. She would be her step-mother.
”Sugar… why didn’t you tell me? A long time ago!” Walter exclaimed as Nikita rode through the contraction and looked up at Walter. “I need to deliver this baby now, Walter.”
“Hell, Sugar… we should go to medical! I’m not a doctor! What if something…”
“No one will know. Ever,” Nikita hissed as she pushed her body up and looked at Walter. “You need to be ready to get this baby, Walter. I’m pushing…”
“Wait! You don’t know if that is right…”
“I’ve been in labor for almost a whole day, Walter.”
“You were running missions,” Walter pointed out and he tilted his head to the side. “No…”
“I only have a couple hours to have this baby, have you get it out of here, and be back to normal for a meeting with The Centre…. Now get ready to deliver this baby, Walter,” Nikita commanded as the pains washed over her body and Nikita started to bare down. It was with Nikita’s determination to start pushing that had Walter jump to action. When Nikita was determined, she could do anything.
“Oh… it’s crowning, Sugar… you are having a baby….” Walter whispered gently. He jerked his head up and looked at Nikita. “Please tell me that it is absolutely Michael’s and you didn’t just say that…”
“Walter,” Nikita looked at him with a face that she hoped told him that the only person she would ever think of having a child with in this situation was Michael. She would only risk her entire life in bringing a life into the world because it was Michael’s child.
Moments later, Walter lifted the baby up with tears in his eyes. “Sugar… it’s a girl… it’s a girl…”
Nikita grasped the window sill and found it difficult to open her eyes. She felt guilty for being able to see outside into the beautiful summer day when she didn’t know how April was doing.
Just to know that her daughter’s name was April was something that nagged at Nikita. It wasn’t the name that she would have selected, but it was her daughter’s name. It was going to be a reminder of the things that she gave away when she sent Walter out of Section One with her in his arms.
The door opened and Nikita jumped before turning to see Michael there. He stood there for a long time, studying her and Nikita finally pushed her legs out from underneath her to face Michael a bit more. She felt her hand shaking as she lifted it to dry at the tears that she didn’t want people seeing.
“Oh… it’s crowning, Sugar… you are having a baby….” Walter whispered gently. He jerked his head up and looked at Nikita. “Please tell me that it is absolutely Michael’s and you didn’t just say that…”
“Walter,” Nikita looked at him with a face that she hoped told him that the only person she would ever think of having a child with in this situation was Michael. She would only risk her entire life in bringing a life into the world because it was Michael’s child.
Moments later, Walter lifted the baby up with tears in his eyes. “Sugar… it’s a girl… it’s a girl…”
Michael finally moved into the room and closed the door. He reached into his jacket and pulled out the envelope. Nikita leaned her head back and exhaled. “I don’t need to see the paper, Michael. She is ours.”
Michael nodded his head up and down as he wanted to feel happy, but instead he felt torn to shreds inside. This was a no win situation in his mind. He wanted to be filled with joy that they finally found their daughter. But she wasn’t in the best situation and the more that Mick remembered about what he saw at the school disturbed Michael more and he didn’t dare repeat any of it to Nikita.
He also knew what Nikita wanted him to do now. She wanted him to claim April by himself. He could see the logic that was behind Nikita’s decision. If it was just about logic, it would be easy to do. But facing Nikita right now, he knew that this was more than just a logical decision. “Kita… we can find a way to claim her together. We have options.”
Nikita shook her head from side to side. “I gave her up, Michael. You didn’t. They will give you so much more leniency for waiting… I won’t get that benefit of the doubt.”
“If we go thru the authorities,” Michael stressed as he moved over and placed the paper down on the dresser. “But we can find a way to approach Todd directly… let Tom find us a way.”
“You will next be suggesting that we kidnap her back,” Nikita hissed as she shook her head from side to side. “She needs a family. I’ll be part of her family.”
“Then we tell her as soon as she gets here,” Michael declared as he took Nikita’s hand. “We tell her the truth that you are her mother.”
“We’ll be monitored Michael. We can’t tell her the truth. It will only hurt her,” Nikita shook her head from side to side. “It’s better that she doesn’t learn…”
“I entirely disagree… because her mother did the most amazing… impossible thing in the world. She needs to know how incredibly lucky she was that you cared so much for her that you gave her away,” Michael reached up and stroked Nikita’s hair as he tried to get Nikita to look into his eyes, but she wouldn’t let Michael do that. She lifted her hands and pushed Michael’s hands off of her.
Walter lifted the baby up with tears in his eyes. “Sugar… it’s a girl… it’s a girl…”
“I always knew… t hat she was a girl,” Nikita rasped as she blinked back tears and felt her stomach churning again. She didn’t know how. She avoided food right now. Nikita pushed up from the seat that she was in and turned to face the window, wishing that she could climb out of it to get out of this conversation. “You promised me that you would do this my way, Michael. It’s the right thing to do.”
“On paper,” Michael declared with a huff. “But it isn’t the right thing for us… especially not for you.”
Nikita whirled around. “This has never been about me. It has always been about her. It’s April we have to think about here.”
“She won’t find a happy house here if you aren’t able to be her mother,” Michael whispered as he come up beside Nikita but did not dare touch her. “Kita… you aren’t alone. We can find a way to do this together.
“Stop talking,” Nikita demanded with a loud voice. She turned her head slowly and looked at Michael. “I don’t exist.”
“You weren’t supposed to make it out alive?” Michael questioned as he leaned towards Nikita, but Nikita turned her head forward again. She did not respond and Michael was left with the question unanswered. “You don’t need to be alone, Kita.”
Nikita pushed her hand against the glass, wishing it would break and give way so she could escape right now. She hated when she would flash back to when Michael first found her after Section. Nikita turned her head as far away from Michael as possible. “Please, Michael. You are making this so much harder. I’m trying to keep it together… but I need you to just do what you said that you would do for our daughter. Go be her father.”
The touch of the baby skin lingered on her hands as Nikita told Walter to take her from her. Fighting against the pain that racked her body, Nikita looked to the side of the bed that she was at and pulled out the file. “You need to follow the directions here… and bring me that laptop.”
Walter held the baby carefully in his arms as he looked at Nikita. “You should hold her while I get this stuff…”
“She has to leave… within the next hour,” Nikita announced as she held the hand out. Her body screamed to hold her daughter again, but Nikita fought against that. She also held back the tears that she wanted to cry. If Walter saw tears, he would fold against his romantic heart and try to tell Nikita that there had to be another way.
“I can’t hide a baby in Section, Walter,” Nikita pointed out as he took the folder and glanced at it. He shook his head and Nikita nodded her head. “There are directions for Mick in there… he will follow them.”
“You can’t trust him… let me take her…”
“You will try to find a way to track the baby,” Nikita spoke firmly.
“Your daughter… you had a baby girl, Sugar… At least name her,” Walter declared and Nikita looked towards the laptop. “I need to check in on missions, Walter. And you need to prepare. You need to be at the exit within ten minutes. I’ll make sure that no one is following you.”
Walter grabbed the laptop with one hand while holding the newborn girl in his other arm. He practically tossed the laptop into Nikita’s lap. Nikita knew that he would do this for her and that he would still be there for her, but asking him to do this would change her relationship with Walter. It would never be the same. She was breaking something deep inside of Walter and she knew that very clearly when picking him. He was the only person she would ever trust with this assignment. If she could have found a way to do it herself, she would have.
She was going to lose Walter because of this.
Nikita typed at the computer as her body still was going through the process of labor. Nikita had read a lot about the process and she knew that she was in what medical professionals called the third stage of labor, when her body would rid itself of the placenta. Nikita started to rub on her own stomach, hoping that she was doing enough to engage the uterus to contract as she read it should. She wasn’t a doctor or a nurse, but she had been able to get into a couple midwife courses while participating in a mission several months ago. Still, no midwife would ever consider practicing on herself.
“Go,” Nikita pointed to the door as the baby started to scream. There was a bag on the first location that was listed for Walter to go to that would have formula for the baby. She would have to wait until she got there to get fed. Nikita felt her chest throb and Nikita endured the torture of sending Walter away with her daughter.
As the door shut, Nikita groaned as she shifted the laptop off to the side and pulled out a plastic bag from underneath the bed. She worked her way through the next ten minutes until she was sure that the after birth had occurred. She put all of the contents, along with rags and other materials into the bag.
But not to destroy it.
Nikita looked at the screen as Walter got to the door. This would be the last time she would see her daughter. Nikita had always thought that it would be a girl but never allowed herself to think anything more about that. She had given Michael a baby girl and Nikita was thankful that it wasn’t another son for Michael. She would never be able to tell Michael about this. She was sure that she would never be able to live with herself if she ever saw Michael again after sending her daughter away.
But it was the only thing that Nikita could do. Nikita picked up her earpiece and started to order an active mission to have some changes. The changes were enough to provide the distraction that was necessary for Walter to slip away.
“No,” Michael shook his head. “I’m not letting you direct me on this.”
“I won’t go with you,” Nikita declared as she looked at Michael for a split second before dashing off to the bathroom. Michael heard the door slam and knew that Nikita was getting sick again. He walked to that bathroom door but did not open it or knock at the door. He leaned his head against the wood as he heard Nikita’s tears and sobs while she got sick. She didn’t want anyone to share with her that pain and torture. But Michael was feeling it just as much as she was by not being able to work with her on this.
Michael had done a good job with Adam because he would think about what would Nikita do with Adam. For years that was how Michael got from day to day. What would Nikita do?
Inside the bathroom. Nikita clung to the toilet as she never had to do this while she was pregnant. She couldn’t allow herself to be sick. And now there was nothing that Nikita could do to stop getting sick. Nikita leaned her head against the porcelain and sobbed, not knowing how she could get this low and still be outside of Section.
Thru everything that she had been through and she was still away from the world as her mind wouldn’t let her be part of the world and kept her swimming in those memories. She only knew that they would go away once April got here.
The bathroom was in the park and she barely would have enough time. She had confiscated the test off of an operative and took it to her office to dispose of. Instead, she needed it herself.
The park bathroom was disgusting. It was a shady part of the park and at night it had the reputation of being the place to go for some free hooking up. Nikita didn’t think about those things as she held the test in her hand, ready to face the truth that she didn’t need the test to tell her.
But she still needed to see the proof.
The plus sign was right there in front of her and Nikita only paused for a second as her comm unit came to life. She had to get out of there. She would have to find another time to process what was going on and even later she would find some time to think about the father who would never know that he was a father again.
And how much she loved and missed him.
If there was any hope that she would find a moment to tell Michael, if that was the last thing she did, that was what Nikita would do. She tossed the test in the garbage and strode out of the bathroom, pushing all the thoughts away as she got to the task at hand. She pulled out the gun and started to shoot as she came out of that restroom, Operations had to perform first.
There was no time to be a mother.
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