| Subject: Priority Mail 256 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Friday, June 03, 08:08:15pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 246+" on Saturday, May 21, 11:00:56pm
Nikita barely rasped a moan as she slowly turned her head from left to right, to turn towards Michael. Michael watched her eyes squint as she slowly pulled herself out of the slumber. She had done this several times before, but this time, it felt different.
Her fever was gone and her color looked much better. She didn’t couch as she had the other times and Michael stayed where he was, not daring to leave. Moving her head more, Nikita sensed that Michael was there and her blue eyes searched his face while she licked her lips.
“How are you feeling?” Michael inquired as he was leaning back on a stack of pillows because he wasn’t tired and he was just waiting for Nikita.
Nikita turned her head away as she moved her body slightly. She was getting in touch with how she felt and Michael didn’t fret that there was no response right away. She needed to figure out how she did feel.
“Stupid,” Nikita’s voice was stronger than Michael expected and it clearly told Michael that she regretted that she had gotten that sick. “How long?”
“Four days,” Michael answered as he watched Nikita turn her head to look at him. His response brought tears to her eyes and Michael sighed. “You are getting much better now.”
Nikita turned her head away and lifted her hand that still had an IV in it, which wasn’t all the way necessary, but Ellie said that she wasn’t going to take any chance. Nikita had woken up a few times to eat and go to the bathroom, but Michael wasn’t sure how much of that Nikita remembered right now.
“Kita?” Michael spoke as he looked at her hair as she swiped at the tears that she was trying to dry away. “What are you thinking about?”
Nikita leaned her head back but didn’t look at Michael. She stared at the ceiling and chewed on her lip. She was weighing the situation and Michael didn’t push. There had to be a lot of things going on in her head.
“I miss… god… I can’t even…” Nikita shook her head slightly from side to side as she did not want to say it. Michael didn’t response. Something again told him to just wait. Nikita was processing something that she did need to find a way to speak and if he said something right now, he could stop whatever was going on in her head. He had to give her time.
“I miss… Madeline…” Nikita turned to look at Michael and more tears and filled her eyes. “And Adrian….”
Michael couldn’t even speak. He was reeling from what Nikita had just said. His mind was swimming with thoughts and things that he should have remembered, like the diaries of Madeline that Nikita had found.
“They… for all of their faults… helped me… when my mind… the memories or… what everyone thinks are flashes… would be overwhelming,” Nikita explained as she opened her eyes and looked at Michael, letting him see everything that she was thinking. It was clear that she was horrified that she missed them and what they represented. It was clear that she felt that she had to tell him because it was tearing her apart.
Michael wasn’t sure what they could have said to sooth her like she had indicated, but it was clear that they were something. Madeline was not always a bad woman. In fact, Michael knew often that she was a very caring woman. Adrian had obviously taught Nikita a lot, perhaps the reason why Nikita was able to be Operations and not because of him. But she must have helped ease the torture that clearly gone on in Nikita’s mind that he had a feeling he wasn’t completely aware of.
“Both said…. I could hear the right thing to do from someone… and that I would doubt it… and that’s so true,” Nikita winced as she turned her head slightly away. She fell silent now and Michael knew that now he had to speak something to help her, and he was frightened.
“But you can’t doubt that I love you,” Michael spoke more like a question than a statement, because he was worried that she did doubt it.
Nikita turned to her side to face him, but she winced. She groaned and leaned her head forward and touched Michael. She pulled her head up to face him again. “I love you… and I know that you love me.”
“So your fears… are about what?” Michael asked as he reached out to cup Nikita’s face. He moved down so that he was looking right into her eyes. “No one is going to leave you. We all care about you… and even if someone says something like they don’t care… it’s just because they do care.”
“Because we are all humans,” Nikita whispered as she shuttered her eyes for a moment. Then she opened them. “And we all make mistakes.”
“Yes,” Michael agreed and Nikita reached to take his hand off of her face. She licked her lips slowly and he watched her several times start to say something only to stop. Michael leaned in closer and whispered, “Just say it.”
Nikita squeezed Michael’s hand and then pulled her hand away. “I remember a lot of conversations with Elena… and I feel so guilty…”
Michael parted his lips and exhaled. He had many conversations years ago after Nikita got inserted into his deep-cover mission with Madeline that he didn’t think it was good for Nikita to get involved. He wanted distance between her and Elena, but not too much that Section could manipulate Nikita. He told Madeline that he didn’t want Nikita to slip up and say something wrong.
That was not the truth at all.
“She told me things… about what she envisioned in my life… that I’d find the right man… that I’d have a family…” Nikita’s voice cracked as she shook her head, a new round of tears rolling down her face. “I… I had a sense then… that she had no idea that the man she was talking about… was the man that she loved…”
Michael closed his eyes for a moment and then focused back on Nikita. “We cannot change the past, Kita.”
“And she was talking about her son,” Nikita whispered as she shook her head again. She pushed her hair out of her eyes as she sat up in bed, now taking a moment to cough slightly, a sign that she was still not all the way better. “I never told anyone the real details of those conversations… I told Madeline that she talked about shopping…”
“Madeline told me that,” Michael confirmed even though he knew when Madeline reported those conversations to him that it was all a lie. Rarely did Elena ever talk about shopping. She did not find it nearly as interesting as most other women did.
Nikita rubbed her chest and looked at the IV line. “So I jeopardize everything… I do the exact opposite of what I should do to protect this… because I’m so scared that I could end up like she did… losing all of this…”
Michael reached up and around Nikita as he hugged Nikita. “You can’t think that way, Kita… it’s getting us nowhere.”
Nikita nodded her head as she leaned her head towards Michael’s shoulder. Her eyes were drooping and Michael knew that she was tired. He leaned her back down towards her pillows, Nikita shaking her head. “I don’t want to sleep…”
“I’m going to get you something to eat… and to let people know that you are feeling a lot better…” Michael directed as he pulled the sheets back over Nikita’s body. “And you can rest… and wake up again… because you are getting better, Kita… not just physically… ok?”
Nikita barely moved her head up and down as she was fighting against the sleep. Michael stayed right there until she finally gave up and drifted back to sleep. But he didn’t think it would be long and he knew that he better have food for her. He got up from the bed and for the first time since Nikita was sick, he wasn’t as scared as he left the room.
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