| Subject: Priority Mail 261 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Thursday, June 09, 10:26:48pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 257+" on Saturday, June 04, 11:20:47pm
“This is a cute setup,” Beatrice admitted ass he looked at the room where the car was still there. Nikita turned her head away from the car and nodded her head, not sure how she felt about this. She wished that Michael would have stayed. Nikita felt uncomfortable right now and she was sure if Michael was here, she would know what to say or do.
Beatrice sat down at the retro table and watched Nikita as she walked from side to side, unsure of what to do. “I’m not going to get into anything too heavy until you get used to me, Nikita.”
Nikita looked at her and blinked a few times. “I’d like to figure out how to tell Walter and Jason.”
“That isn’t your job,” Beatrice reminded Nikita as she continued to observe Nikita. She was comfortable talking about others and Beatrice knew that this would be her biggest challenge with Nikita. She was so focused on other people, but Beatrice knew that Nikita would soon focus on herself.
“It wasn’t fair to leave Michael to handle it.”
“With Tom,” Beatrice added as she confirmed the arrangement. They were here today while Tom and Michael were to talk to Walter and Jason. Beatrice didn’t give them any direction and she trusted that the two men would handle the situation.
She had to handle Nikita.
Nikita turned her head to look at the car.
“It is obvious that Michael loves you,” Beatrice stated and Nikita nodded her head. “Yeah… I know.”
“And it is clear that you love him,” Beatrice spoke as Nikita walked towards the table. Nikita looked at Beatrice and swallowed. “He can’t know how much…”
Nikita settled and looked at Beatrice. “Did Madeline know?”
Beatrice gently smiled. She somehow knew that this first day would come back to Madeline. It almost had to come back to this topic first. “I suspect that she knew…. But I don’t think she realized how deep of a connection it was.”
Nikita rubbed her chin and then pulled her hand away. “Then why did she try to take him away from me?”
Beatrice tilted her head to the side. “Did she? Or did she try to appease Operations enough and then make sure that you were ok?”
“I don’t know what to think,” Nikita shook her head from side to side. “I couldn’t find the answer in the files.”
“But I heard that you have her diaries… you could have read it. I’m sure that those handwritten records…” Beatrice countered as she didn’t give Nikita the answer. Maybe it didn’t matter what the real answer was. What mattered was why did it matter so much to Nikita? “She wasn’t your mother, Nikita.”
“Michael introduced to me her as my new mother,” Nikita retorted as she shook her head. Nikita rubbed her head. “I don’t know why I can even spend time thinking about her… when there are other things to worry about.”
Beatrice didn’t comment. She waited for Nikita to continue. “I don’t have time for these things… I have to find my daughter… to make sure…”
Now Nikita jerked her head away with tears in her eyes. Beatrice reached out and grabbed Nikita, pulling her so that she turned her head to look at Beatrice. “There is no reason to turn away from me, Nikita. I get that you have a lot of things going on your mind… and lots of feelings that like to play bumper cars inside of you.”
Nikita winced with the description because it was so true. That was how it felt at times when all of a sudden she was tearing up. That loss of control was so difficult to handle. “It was easier when I was at the convent.”
“No it wasn’t,” Beatrice countered as she shook her head from side to side while not allowing Nikita to pull away. “You weren’t feeling anything… it was most likely a very extended type of a fugue state…”
“Fugue?”
“It’s a state of mind that occurs… usually precipitated by a very stress event or episode and it is usually seen as a recovery from that event as amnesia protects the person… they are rare, but come in a great variety of ranges… sometimes entire amnesia occurs… sometimes amnesia of the actual fugue state occurs… or I think for you, you slid into a persona that was safe enough so that you didn’t have to have those thoughts,” Beatrice carefully explained as she knew that a clinical definition of a fugue state would have Nikita protesting. “Listen to me, Nikita… this is a theory… I don’t know we’ll ever know what truly went on while you were at the convent…. But it was a safe place for you.”
Nikita finally was released and she looked at Beatrice wearily. “Michael said that I must have known that he was close to the convent… that I went there on purpose.”
“That was always Tom’s intention… to get you to Michael,” Beatrice knew this to be the truth. That was when she had been contacted about assisting once it was determined that Section was going to be closed. They were even going to have Beatrice assist with evaluating the personnel but Nikita had done a remarkable job.
But with the mention of Tom’s name, Nikita jerked her head away. “You don’t trust Tom?”
Nikita shrugged her shoulders as her head fought against nodding yes and no. Nikita dragged her teeth over her lip slowly. “I don’t know him.”
“He didn’t know much about you,” Beatrice stated and Nikita looked at Beatrice. “Did they know?”
“Know what?”
“About my daughter?” Nikita rasped and Beatrice swung her head from side to side. “No one knew… I was stunned when Tom told me just a couple days ago… I can’t imagine…”
Nikita dropped her head and looked at her hands on the table. Beatrice exhaled as she didn’t want to be this way. She needed to be a rock for Nikita. “It shows how strong you are… and we just have to find a way to help you use the good parts of those skills to get you through this period…”
“Are you going to make me stop looking for her until I’m better?” Nikita asked and Beatrice was stunned. She reached down to help Nikita look up at her. “I would never ask you to do that.”
Relief crossed Nikita’s face and Beatrice shook her head slightly. “I know better than to ask you to do something that you wouldn’t be able to do, Nikita. I promise you that.”
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