| Subject: And the beast was done... |
Author:
Bedwyr
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Date Posted: 23:52:39 03/11/02 Mon
In reply to:
Bedwyr
's message, "Big Gulps, huh? Well, see ya later." on 19:09:16 03/05/02 Tue
I appreciate what you've said, and I did take much pride in being a part of Camelot. I understand what you're saying and I thank you for it... But, just out of curiosity, does anyone that replied to my farewell post even know why I'm leaving? I'm not just leaving on some hunch that I don't belong here any more. I'm leaving because there is no doubt in my mind. It seems that in trying to do what I can for the benefit of Camelot, that I have fallen out of favor with those I trusted to be objective and fair... And what hurts even more is that one whom I call a friend turned a cold shoulder to my request for advice when I needed it most. Then, on top of that, after acting on my own intuition, all of Camelot turns silently away as I make a final attempt just to get them to glance over my work (Scroll down to the posts on the new ranking system, you'll find me at the bottom). Well, needless to say, here you all stand as members of Camelot... And here I stand nothing more than an observer on the outside of it's walls. So, out of everyone... A whole one person gave a damn about my ideas and ventured a reply to them. Thus, my words fell upon the deaf ears of a Camelot which has grown far too political in nature. Camelot has fallen under a curse which has parted me from every guild I've been in... It's become a blatant popularity contest and if you're not in favor, then you can be ignored and tossed aside as if you were nothing more than a bum trying to make jokes with a banker. Then, when you stand up to say something about it, all turn away and go deaf as if you were nothing more than a figment of their imagination and they've all gone to think about more important things. It's like the way you treat someone who was your friend, but you have no desire to hang out with them anymore... So, when they start talking to you, you speak quickly and make sure to leave a lot of akward silences until they get the hint and leave. Oh, and make sure you don't laugh or smile lest you lead them to believe that you enjoy their company, because then they might not leave you to dwell on your petty differences. Ok, now that that's said and done, I hope we all realize why I wish to be forgotten. So just wipe me out of your memories (if you haven't already, since most of you have forgotten how to say goodbye), because although I may not be a bum or that guy you don't wanna talk to to everyone... I am that to those I looked up to and to some that I called friends and that's enough. Well, I guess I'll see you if I see you... Maybe on battle.net whenever I get my computer online, but don't expect the same old 'lay down and die, too nice for his own good' guy. I've tried and tried to be a nice guy all of my life and what do I have to show for it? I'm 19, I don't have very many friends, I'm lucky if a girl uses me to try to get over her ex, and this situation is nothing new to me. Someone give me one good damn reason to keep on being a nice guy... Why shouldn't I go beat the shit out of my sister's rich deadbeat ex-boyfriend that got her pregnant? Why shouldn't I send my brother back to jail where he belongs? Why shouldn't I give people shit like everyone else does? Then, of course, why should I take shit when it's given to me? Why should I have cared that Kim had a boyfriend when she kissed me? Why not kiss her back? Why should I have stopped and offered comfort when Ashley was crying over her ex-boyfriend? Why not leave her there to worry about her own problems? Why should I always remember Lindsay's birthday and get her something when she never does the same? Better question: Why am I still nice to her even though she keeps hurting my best friend by cheating on him? Why should I not name names in this situation when I'm leaving and it bears no consequence on me? All it ever does it get me into bad situations, keep me from good situations, or provide a fleeting moment of reward which is gone before I can even enjoy it. Ok, well I'm done ranting now... So, I want you to take a deep breath and realize that Camelot may have succeeded in doing what I thought couldn't be done... It's made me want to be a lesser man. Oh, and of course, I don't imagine anyone here would like me if I did become that aforementioned lesser man... But since nobody here likes me all that much, anyway, I guess it's nobody's business.
Adieu,
Bedwyr
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