| Subject: Welll.... |
Author:
-Chaos
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Date Posted: 09:03:40 03/12/02 Tue
In reply to:
Bedwyr
's message, "And the beast was done..." on 23:52:39 03/11/02 Mon
***I know I didn't follow the MB rules here... but I dont' think that's the important thing right now. If you are that easily offended then don't read***
For the Camelot stuff, well, seeing as there's really 7 people who say anything, and I read alot of stuff but never reply (usually because I read this board at around 2 am and I'm tired). For instance I read you're leaving post last week and finnaly responded yesterday. I feel bad about it all the time, because I know that if i cared about something I really should take 5-10 minutes to do something for it. And i try, but hey it's hard when you're running on 5 hours of sleep, heh. Anyways.... as for the other things....
First off, I know excactly what you're talking about. I have in one way or another been in a very similar situation. Don't think that there's not people that don't care. You just haven't found them yet. You're just out of highschool where everyone is so fucked up out of their damn mind only 1% of them even know what they want in their life. They have but barely lived any life at all, and dont' realize who they are, who they are fucking over, or realize that pain they inflict into others. Some of them will learn, and some of them will never give a shit. I have 3 friends left from highschool and before. Everyone else was just someone whom we're friends just for some petty popularity horseshit, or just anything to their advantage, or it was just someone whom got fucked up with me. But those 3 friends are the best goddamn people I know. They still surprise me. Last night myself, Tara (one of my best friends) and a friend of hers went out looking for a guy who we thought was about to kill himself over the same trivial shit. We drove around for 45 minutes and finally found him walking down the street. Well of course, all is well now, but he was damn surprised anyone gave a shit. I bet you would be too. We hung out talked stuff over, laughed alot, and all is well. And he knows he has friends now... there are still people like that in this world, they're just not the people you think they are. They're the people whom have lived not so easy lives, and learned from them, or learned from other peoples mistakes. That's why people in highschool know absolutely nothing about life, except a few lucky ones. They virgins in life so to say. You should keep on being a nice guy, because, trust me, I nearly lost someone who is now one of my best friends because I was a selfish asshole. You sound like you're going through really hard times, and this is when you find out who your real friends are. Those are the people whom you need to keep around. Fuck the rest, you got the best. And you're not a lesser man, you're just frustrated with the world. And you're not alone.
-Chaos
>I appreciate what you've said, and I did take much
>pride in being a part of Camelot. I understand what
>you're saying and I thank you for it... But, just out
>of curiosity, does anyone that replied to my farewell
>post even know why I'm leaving? I'm not just leaving
>on some hunch that I don't belong here any more. I'm
>leaving because there is no doubt in my mind. It
>seems that in trying to do what I can for the benefit
>of Camelot, that I have fallen out of favor with those
>I trusted to be objective and fair... And what hurts
>even more is that one whom I call a friend turned a
>cold shoulder to my request for advice when I needed
>it most. Then, on top of that, after acting on my own
>intuition, all of Camelot turns silently away as I
>make a final attempt just to get them to glance over
>my work (Scroll down to the posts on the new ranking
>system, you'll find me at the bottom). Well, needless
>to say, here you all stand as members of Camelot...
>And here I stand nothing more than an observer on the
>outside of it's walls. So, out of everyone... A
>whole one person gave a damn about my ideas and
>ventured a reply to them. Thus, my words fell upon
>the deaf ears of a Camelot which has grown far too
>political in nature. Camelot has fallen under a curse
>which has parted me from every guild I've been in...
>It's become a blatant popularity contest and if you're
>not in favor, then you can be ignored and tossed aside
>as if you were nothing more than a bum trying to make
>jokes with a banker. Then, when you stand up to say
>something about it, all turn away and go deaf as if
>you were nothing more than a figment of their
>imagination and they've all gone to think about more
>important things. It's like the way you treat someone
>who was your friend, but you have no desire to hang
>out with them anymore... So, when they start talking
>to you, you speak quickly and make sure to leave a lot
>of akward silences until they get the hint and leave.
>Oh, and make sure you don't laugh or smile lest you
>lead them to believe that you enjoy their company,
>because then they might not leave you to dwell on your
>petty differences. Ok, now that that's said and done,
>I hope we all realize why I wish to be forgotten. So
>just wipe me out of your memories (if you haven't
>already, since most of you have forgotten how to say
>goodbye), because although I may not be a bum or that
>guy you don't wanna talk to to everyone... I am that
>to those I looked up to and to some that I called
>friends and that's enough. Well, I guess I'll see you
>if I see you... Maybe on battle.net whenever I get my
>computer online, but don't expect the same old 'lay
>down and die, too nice for his own good' guy. I've
>tried and tried to be a nice guy all of my life and
>what do I have to show for it? I'm 19, I don't have
>very many friends, I'm lucky if a girl uses me to try
>to get over her ex, and this situation is nothing new
>to me. Someone give me one good damn reason to keep
>on being a nice guy... Why shouldn't I go beat the
>shit out of my sister's rich deadbeat ex-boyfriend
>that got her pregnant? Why shouldn't I send my
>brother back to jail where he belongs? Why shouldn't
>I give people shit like everyone else does? Then, of
>course, why should I take shit when it's given to me?
>Why should I have cared that Kim had a boyfriend when
>she kissed me? Why not kiss her back? Why should I
>have stopped and offered comfort when Ashley was
>crying over her ex-boyfriend? Why not leave her there
>to worry about her own problems? Why should I always
>remember Lindsay's birthday and get her something when
>she never does the same? Better question: Why am I
>still nice to her even though she keeps hurting my
>best friend by cheating on him? Why should I not name
>names in this situation when I'm leaving and it bears
>no consequence on me? All it ever does it get me into
>bad situations, keep me from good situations, or
>provide a fleeting moment of reward which is gone
>before I can even enjoy it. Ok, well I'm done ranting
>now... So, I want you to take a deep breath and
>realize that Camelot may have succeeded in doing what
>I thought couldn't be done... It's made me want to be
>a lesser man. Oh, and of course, I don't imagine
>anyone here would like me if I did become that
>aforementioned lesser man... But since nobody here
>likes me all that much, anyway, I guess it's nobody's
>business.
>
>Adieu,
>Bedwyr
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