| Subject: 9X02: No Harm Done |
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VKMax
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Date Posted: 18:52:21 03/13/04 Sat
In reply to:
VKMax
's message, "9X02: No Harm Done" on 18:51:19 03/13/04 Sat
EXT – MALL – DAY
Buffy hangs up her cell phone and walks over to Dawn and Willow who are practically buried under bags. Willow hangs up her phone too.
WILLOW
Okay – speak to you soon, I love you
She places it down and smiles
WILLOW
That was Tara
DAWN
Never would’ve guessed
WILLOW
She’ll be back next week – apparently her Dad’s getting better, it was just an angina attack or something
DAWN
I still can’t believe she went to see him after…you know
WILLOW
I know
(beat)
Did you speak to Angel?
BUFFY
I did. He seemed a little down –it was weird though, he said he never asked Harmony to deliver the letter – she was coming here and said she’d drop it by
WILLOW
That doesn’t make much sense
BUFFY
She’s up to something – I want to know what.
(pause)
We’re gonna have to call the Greene’s tell them we’ll come to dinner another night, I want to find out what Harmony’s up to.
CUT TO.
EXT – STREET – NIGHT
Spike is strolling the streets, smoking a cigarette and looking cool as ever as he turns into an alley and walks through the side door of a bar.
Lot’s of whispers and looks go around – most likely about his absence of late
CLEM
Spike! Hi!
SPIKE
What’s up?
CLEM
Not my cholesterol – I’ve been real good lately, haven’t eaten a kitten for months. Did you know that a siamese has all the calories of two baby tabby’s?
SPIKE
That’s…that’s great. What you drinkin’?
CLEM
Kitten blood and still born yolk
Spike nods to the barman
BARMAN
What’ll it be?
SPIKE
One pussy galore and a… beer
BARMAN
William the bloody wants a beer?
There’s whispers over the silence that’s just filled the room
BARMAN
We’ve just got a fresh batch of blood from a gang fight up north
SPIKE
I’m off the blood now
BARMAN
Since when?
CLEM
Since he became human
The barman looks un-easy
BARMAN
One beer coming up
CUT TO.
EXT – ALLEYWAY – NIGHT
Harmony is strutting along listening to S Club on her headphones as Buffy and Dawn pop-out behind her, head to toe in black
DAWN
I suck at undercover
BUFFY
So do I!
DAWN
This is Harmony – why are we hiding?
BUFFY
Because, we don’t want her to know that we’re following her
DAWN
Speaking of – shouldn’t we actually start following rather than just watching?
BUFFY
Good point
Buffy and Dawn to move at the same time and trip over each other, crashing a bin into the floor. Harmony spins round
HARMONY
(delighted)
Buffy!?!
BUFFY
Hey…Harmony
Buffy and Dawn stand and brush themselves off
DAWN
Hey
BUFFY
Whatcha doin’?
HARMONY
Oh, you know just going for some drinks.
(beat)
Hey why don’t you come with?
BUFFY
I don’t drink blood
HARMONY
Not blood drinks, duh! Cocktails we can celebrate!
BUFFY
Celebrate what? It’s just a regular, unimportant day, like the rest of them
HARMONY
No, it’s…
(looks sad)
Never mind
BUFFY
So… that’s all you’re doing? Going for drinks?
HARMONY
Well, yeah
DAWN
I’ll go!
BUFFY
Dawn we’ve discussed you and drinking
DAWN
Fine.
HARMONY
So… just me then
BUFFY
Just you. Bye
Buffy grabs Dawn by the arm and walks off with her, Harmony sighs and continues on
DAWN
I think we upset her
BUFFY
She can’t get upset she’s Harmony. Even with a soul she couldn’t feel anything
DAWN
Is she really that bad? I mean – did she ever do anything besides bug you and kidnap your kid sister?
BUFFY
No, I guess not – but…she’s Harmony, I mean…it’s Harmony come on!
CUT TO.
INT – BAR – NIGHT
Harmony walks into the same bar Spike’s in. He sinks in his seat as soon as he sees her – she sees him do this and ignores him
He seems almost offended by this.
HARMONY
Otter on ice please
BARMAN
You on a diet?
HARMONY
Does it show?
BARMAN
No – just otter is for slimmers or poor people
HARMONY
Well, I’m not poor.
Harmony hands over a platinum card
BARMAN
We don’t take cards
HARMONY
I don’t carry cash
BARMAN
Then you don’t get a drink
SPIKE (O.S)
It’s alright
Spike slips the money on to the counter
SPIKE
It’s on me
HARMONY
What are you doing here Spike?
SPIKE
Could ask you the same thing seeing as I never left the place
HARMONY
I came to see my parents
SPIKE
Won’t that freak them out a bit seeing as you’ve been dead for five and half years?
HARMONY
They don’t know
SPIKE
Your parents don’t know you’re dead? Have they not started to question that you haven't aged since you were eighteen
HARMONY
Why would they? Nobody else does
SPIKE
That’s because they all know you’re a vampire
HARMONY
I meant nobody noticed I got older.
SPIKE
Right, okay
HARMONY
Why did I ever come back to this crappy place?
SPIKE
Err…
HARMONY
I mean, I figured that at least one person I went to High School with would remember my Birthday – but no, the only person who ever even knew it in the first place is dead.
SPIKE
Cordelia
HARMONY
It sucks.
SPIKE
I know the feeling
Spike climbs on the stool as Clem looks between the two of them
CLEM
Yeah, so I’ve got a feeling this is going to go new places for me, so I’m gonna take off
Spike nods as Clem who doddles out of the door as he and Harmony toss their drinks back.
CUT TO.
INT – SUMMERS HOUSE – NIGHT
Buffy and Willow are staring in astonishment at the mess in the bathroom as Andrew sits nervously in the corner, covered in shampoo
BUFFY
Four days, four days you’ve been living here and I already want to kill you
ANDREW
It was Harmony – she like totally attacked me because I accidentally walked in on her
WILLOW
Where…where did Xander go?
ANDREW
He’s hiding in the basement
INT – SUMMERS HOUSE – NIGHT
Dawn is scrubbing the floor as Willow picks things up
DAWN
I don’t see why we have to clear up when Andrew made the mess
WILLOW
Because, Buffy’s making him decorate his new room, otherwise known as the basement
DAWN
So…who’s having my room?
WILLOW
You are
DAWN
But I’m moving out
WILLOW
But, you’ll be back at Christmas and Birthday’s or…you will right?
DAWN
Of course I will
WILLOW
I just can’t believe little Dawnie the brat is going off to college
DAWN
Hey I wasn’t a brat – okay admittedly I was no Angel child but I had my props
WILLOW
That you did. Nobody gets kidnapped or hunted as well as you do
DAWN
That’s going to look great on my resume
WILLOW
I’ll give you a good review anytime
Dawn and Willow put down their sponges and hug each other
WILLOW
Oh, now I’m crying…almost
DAWN
Me too. I’m gonna miss you, you big dope
WILLOW
Me too, you much bigger and stronger dope…breathe now please
DAWN
Sorry
Dawn shakes off from the hug and looks a little puzzled as she glares over Willows shoulder
WILLOW
Do I have soapy stuff in my hair?
DAWN
What? No…Harmony’s planner, she left it on the side…
Dawn grabs it
DAWN
She has today circled
Dawn looks closer before rolling her eyes
DAWN
I think I know why she’s back…
WILLOW
Evil?
DAWN
It’s her birthday
WILLOW
It is? She’s dead
DAWN
That doesn’t matter – Buffy dies all the time and despite the annual “don’t do it” warning, we celebrate her birthday
WILLOW
See now I feel all bad – we’re not her friends but that’s not the point, at Sunnydale even the Jonathans and Weird weezing girls got invited to all the birthday parties to make up numbers.
DAWN
You went to Harmony’s birthday party?
WILLOW
Not since I was eight, but Buffy and Xander did every year…all two years that Buffy was at school for her birthday
DAWN
So…should we like do something?
WILLOW
I guess, I mean – all her friends are either dead, insane or both…we’re all she’s got
DAWN
What about Angel and the gang?
WILLOW
Angel doesn’t like anyone apart from slayers and… Angel doesn’t like anyone
CUT TO.
INT – BAR – NIGHT
SPIKE
I don’t like him either, the stupid poof!
HARMONY
Shut up.
SPIKE
What? Bosses pet?
HARMONY
No, I thought you came over here to cheer me up and you made it all about you as usual
SPIKE
Must be the beer talkin’ – sorry
HARMONY
Whatever okay
SPIKE
So…where are you staying round here?
Harmony leaps out of her chair in delight and hugs Spike
SPIKE
What?
HARMONY
Thank you! Thank you!
SPIKE
What?
HARMONY
I’ll be round later with my stuff
SPIKE
No…wait…
HARMONY
Oh, I can’t wait – we’re gonna have so much fun!
Harmony runs out of the bar leaving Spike startled.
SPIKE
Bottle of your strongest…everything
END OF PART THREE
EXT – SUMMERS HOUSE – NIGHT
Buffy is placing trash into the bin at the exact same time as Kye pulls into the drive and climbs out of his car
KYE
Hi
BUFFY
Oh, hey!
KYE
Going somewhere special?
BUFFY
Oh this old thing? No…we’re just having a party for our non-friend
KYE
Is that why you couldn’t come to dinner?
BUFFY
No…we thought we had plans but they kinda finished earlier. Oh, but you’re more than welcome to come join the party…it might get a little crazy but, hey what parties don’t?
KYE
I think I’ll give it a miss
BUFFY
You’re English right?
KYE
Like your boyfriend
BUFFY
Spike? He’s not my… we were but now we’re…we’re kind of
(thinks)
It’s complicated
KYE
Okay
BUFFY
Okay?
KYE
Sure. Just saying that I noticed he was English too. Didn’t need the life story
BUFFY
You know what’s weird? English people never take to me very well when they first meet me – but they do grow to love me
KYE
Well, I’ve always been a bit different.
Kye walks into the house leaving Buffy staring a little lost at the back handed compliment
BUFFY
So…do you mean you like me now and won’t grow to?
CUT TO.
INT – SUMMERS HOUSE – NIGHT
Harmony walks in and all the lights are off
HARMONY
Ow!
She walks into a coat rack
HARMONY
Why are you guys all stood in the dark?
DAWN
(whispering)
She can see us?
HARMONY
Vampires can see in the dark – what’s going on?
Harmony flicks the lights on
XANDER
Surprise?
HARMONY
You remembered? You guys have been playing dumb all along!
BUFFY
Of course we have…
Buffy and Willow exchange glances
HARMONY
Where’s my presents?
BUFFY
We didn’t really have time to…
HARMONY
Oh, while you’re all here I have some bad news…I sort of have to move out
BUFFY
(Grinning)
Really?
WILLOW
(cough)
BUFFY
Uh…Oh, really?
HARMONY
Well, a friend of mine invited me to go stay with him and…I couldn’t really say no, he was practically begging
BUFFY
Oh well that’s too bad
HARMONY
But don’t worry, we’ll hang out all the time! I mean – Spike only lives down the road
BUFFY
Spike? You’re moving in with Spike?!
END.
Co-starring
James C. Leary as Clem
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