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05/16/26 3:16pm EST [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2] ]

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Date Posted: 12/16/03 4:10pm EST
Author: Shawn
Subject: Santas Letters
In reply to: Shawn 's message, "Christmas Joke" on 12/ 8/03 8:50am EST

If Santa answered his mail honestly...
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv bena gud boy
all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy


Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a freakin’ book so you can learn to read
and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
At least HE can spell!
Santa
-----------------------------------------


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah


Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

---------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis


Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan


Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas


Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where

I spend most of my time making low-budget adult films. I
unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the rears of
cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica



Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.
Santa

----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
-----------------------------------------
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
home?

Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house,
you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside
your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom
window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

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Replies:

  • Re: Christmas Joke -- Shawn, 12/18/03 9:43am EST
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