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Date Posted: 03:44:09 06/28/02 Fri
Author: Glitzy
Subject: This is the worst joke in the world Bet U will want to ban me from here once Uve read it

> > > A guy has spent five years traveling all around
> the world making a
> > > documentary on Native dances. At the end of this
> time, he has every>
> >single
> > > native dance of every indigenous culture in the
> world on film. He winds>
> >up
> > > in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he pops into
> a pub for a well earned
> > > beer.
> > > He gets talking to one of the local Aborigines
> and tells him about his
> > > project. The Aborigine asks the guy what he
> thought of the "Butcher
> > > Dance."> > The guy's a bit confused and says
> "Butcher Dance? What's
> >that?"
> > > "What? You no see Butcher Dance?"> > "No, I've
> never heard of it."
> > > "Oh mate. You crazy. How you say you film every
> native dance if you no>
> >see
> > > Butcher Dance?"
> > > "UmmSUM. I got a corroborree on film just the
> other week. Is that what>
> >you
> > > mean?"> > "No no, not corroborree. Butcher Dance
> much more important
> >than
> > > corroborree."> > "Oh, well how can I see this
> Butcher Dance then?"
> > > "Mate, Butcher Dance right out bush. Many days
> travel to go see Butcher
> > > Dance."
> > > "Look, I've been everywhere from the forests of
> the Amazon, to deepest
> > > darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the
> Arctic filming these dances.
> > > Nothing will prevent me from recording this one
> last dance."
> > > "OK, mate. You drive north along highway towards
> Darwin. After you drive
> > > 197 miles, you see dirt track veer off to left.
> Follow dirt track for>
> >126
> > > miles 'til you see big huge dead gum tree -
> biggest tree you ever see.
> > > Here you gotta leave car, coz much to rough for
> driving. You strike out
> > > due west into setting sun. You walk 3 days 'til
> you hit creek. You>
> >follow
> > > this creek to Northwest. After 2 days you find
> where creek flows out of
> > > rocky mountains. Much too difficult to cross
> mountains here though. You
> > > now head south for half day 'til you see pass
> through mountains. Pass>
> >very
> > > difficult, very dangerous. Take 2, maybe 3 days
> to get through rocky>
> >pass.
> > > When through, head north-west for 4 days 'til
> reach big huge rock  - 20>
> >ft
> > > high and shaped like man's head. From rock, walk
> due west for 2 days and
> > > you find village. Here you see Butcher Dance."
> > > So the guy grabs his camera crew and equipment
> and heads out. After a
> > > couple of hours he finds the dirt track. The
> track is in a shocking>
> >state
> > > and he's forced to crawl along at a snails pace
> and so he doesn't reach
> > > the tree until dusk and he's forced to set up
> camp for the night.
> > > He sets out bright and early the following
> morning. His spirits are high
> > > and he's excited about the prospect of capturing
> on film this mysterious
> > > dance which he had never heard mention of
> before. True to the directions
> > > he has been given, he reaches the creek after
> three days and follows it
> > > for another two until they reach the rocky
> mountains.
> > > The merciless sun is starting to take its toll
> by this time and his
> > > spirits are starting to flag, but wearily he
> trudges on until he finds>
> >the
> > > pass through the hills - nothing will prevent
> him from completing his
> > > life's dream. The mountains prove to be every
> bit as treacherous as>
> >their
> > > guide said and at times they almost despair of
> getting their bulky
> > > equipment through. But after three and a half
> days of back breaking>
> >effort
> > > they finally force their way clear and continue
> their long trek.
> > > When they reach the huge rock, four days later,
> their water is running>
> >low
> > > and their feet are covered with blisters but
> they steel themselves and
> > > head out on the last leg of their journey. Two
> days later they virtually
> > > stagger into the village where the natives feed
> them and and give them
> > > fresh water and they begin to feel like new men.
> Once he's recovered
> > > enough, the guy goes before the village chief
> and tells him that he has
> > > come to film there Butcher Dance.
> > > "Oh mate. Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance
> last night. You too>
> >late.
> > > You miss dance."> > "Well, when do you hold the
> next dance?"
> > > "Not 'til next year."
> > > "Well, I've come all this way. Couldn't you just
> hold an extra dance for
> > > me, tonight?"
> > > "No, no, no! Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold
> once a year. If hold>
> >more,
> > > gods get very angry and destroy village! You
> want see Butcher Dance you
> > > come back next year."
> > > The guy is devastated, but he has no other
> option but to head back to
> > > civilization and back home.
> > > The following year, he heads back to Australia
> and, determined not to>
> >miss
> > > out again, sets out a week earlier than last
> time. He is quite willing>
> >to
> > > spend a week in the village before the dance is
> performed in order to
> > > ensure he is present to witness it.
> > > However, right from the start things go wrong.
> Heavy rains that year>
> >have
> > > turned the dirt track to mud and the car gets
> bogged every few miles,
> > > finally forcing them to abandon their vehicles
> and slog through the mud>
> >on
> > > foot almost half the distance to the tree. They
> reach the creek and the
> > > mountains without any further hitch, but halfway
> through the ascent of>
> >the
> > > mountain they are struck by a fierce storm which
> rages for several days,
> > > during which they are forced to cling forlornly
> to the mountainside>
> >until
> > > it subsides. It would be suicide to attempt to
> scale the treacherous>
> >paths
> > > in the face of such savage elements.
> > > Then, before they have traveled a mile out from
> the mountains, one of>
> >the
> > > crew sprains his ankle badly which slows down
> the rest of their journey>
> >to
> > > the rock and then the village enormously.
> Eventually, having lost all
> > > sense of how long they have been travelling,
> they stagger into the>
> >village
> > > at about 12:00 noon.
> > > "The Butcher Dance!" gasps the guy. "Please
> don't tell me I'm too late!"
> > > The chief recognizes him and says "No, white
> fella. Butcher Dance
> > > performed tonight. You come just in time."
> > > Relieved beyond measure, the crew spend the rest
> of the afternoon>
> >setting
> > > up their equipment - preparing to capture the
> night's ritual on>
> >celluloid.
> > > As dusk falls, the natives start to cover there
> bodies in white paint>
> >and
> > > adorn themselves in all manner of bird's
> feathers and animal skins. Once
> > > darkness has settled fully over the land, the
> natives form a circle>
> >around
> > > a huge roaring fire.
> > > A deathly hush descends over performers and
> spectators alike as a>
> >wizened
> > > old figure with elaborate swirling designs
> covering his entire body>
> >enters
> > > the circle and begins to chant. Some sort of
> witch doctor or medicine>
> >man,
> > > figures the guy and he whispers to the chief
> "What's he doing?"
> > > "Hush" whispers the chief. "You first white man
> ever to see most sacred>
> >of
> > > our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he
> asks that the spirits of>
> >the
> > > dreamworld watch as we demonstrate our devotion
> to them through our>
> >dance
> > > and, if they like our dancing, will they be so
> gracious as to watch over
> > > us and protect us for another year."
> > > The chanting of the Holy man reaches a stunning
> crescendo before he
> > > removes himself from the circle. From somewhere
> the rhythmic pounding of
> > > drums booms out across the land and the natives
> begin to sway to the
> > > stirring rhythm.
> > > The guy is becoming caught up in the fervour of
> the moment himself. This
> > > is it. He now realizes beyond all doubt that his
> wait has not been in
> > > vain. He is about to witness the ultimate
> performance of rhythm and
> > > movement ever conceived by mankind.
> > > The chief strides to his position in the circle
> and, in a big booming
> > > voice, starts to sing: "You butch yer right arm
> in. You butch yer right
> > > arm out. You butch yer right arm in and you
> shake it all about......">

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[> That must DEFINATELY go down as the worst joke I have EVER read! -- Trev_GFC, 07:11:38 07/03/02 Wed


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