| Subject: Letters to Samson - 11 |
Author:
Holly
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 18:43:01 11/01/05 Tue
In reply to:
Holly
's message, "Letters to Samson - 1" on 18:59:32 06/04/05 Sat
A word about depression....
When we were on the first leg of our trip to Oklahoma, we were privileged to fly through Rita. I think she'd been downgraded to tropical storm by then, but the air was... very rough.
You and I stared out the window and held hands. The lady in front of us was moaning and praying. And there were a lot of gasps in that cabin. I told you we were totally safe and protected. You shrugged and said, "If you say so."
In that moment, I knew why mothers who want to die kill their children first. Because even though I was scared shitless, I was relieved that you were with me.
It meant I didn't have to worry about you.
Sometimes, the thing that keeps me going is that I know your Dad (bless his heart) could never take care of you the way I do. He doesn't know how to put you to bed. He doesn't know that sometimes when you say you're having trouble getting dressed, it means that you just want to be held and tended to.
Those are things only mommies know. And that gets me through the worst of the worst patches.
I need you to know about depression, because if it is hereditary (or even if you just get it from having neurotic parents), you are a likely candidate. I have recurrent major depression without psychotic features (how lucky is that part, huh?). Right now, I'm dealing - mostly pretty well - with a recurrence. Short version of the long story: I hate having lupus, and I'm mad. I also get tired of the pain.
Your father has had episodes of extremely severe depression. My dad, too. Your dad's brother and your two older cousins on that side have all made suicide attempts/gestures. My cousin was in a famous "clinic" for years. Seriously.
So, it may very well be that our brains are just genetically programmed to make less than we need of the happy stuff. And there are some things I want you to know before it touches you (and here's hoping it never does):
1. Feeling depressed from time to time is normal, and it will pass if you let it go.
2. If you're feeling extra sad or angry for a very long time and/or having a lot of trouble sleeping and/or really not wanting to get out of bed - ever - I want you to talk to someone about it. Depression lies. It tells you no one cares. It tells you there is no help, no hope. It tells you your family would be better off without you.
All of that - every single word - is a lie. The world is a much better place with you in it. I know. I was here before you. AFTER you is much better.
3. If you can hold on to nothing else, I want you to hold onto this: this is a biochemical illness that you can take medicine for, just as sure as tylenol or ibuprofen will help with a headache or fever. Recognize the symptoms, and seek treatment. The pain WILL go away.
I love you more than 22,678,000 giants hanging upside down and trying to eat ice cream.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 