Letters to Samson - 26 -- Tell Me Your Secrets

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Subject: Letters to Samson - 26

Author:
Holly

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Date Posted: 16:17:23 04/13/07 Fri
In reply to: Holly 's message, "Letters to Samson - 1" on 18:59:32 06/04/05 Sat

I only have a minute or two before you will be home from karate. You are a senpei now, and you are teaching me some basics.

"That's not a back-stance!" as you use your foot to sweep my leg back and out, and I become better at distributing my weight.

I've been doing a lot of stance work lately. I don't mean that as a metaphor. I'm doing Southern Shaolin style stance work. Only the horse stance for now. I'm trying to become more rooted.

I've been wobbling for awhile. Again, I mean that literally. Lupus is eating my joints, distorting my bones, and damaging my peripheral nervous system. I walked on a broken toe for months because I couldn't feel pain in that part of my foot. The pain that sent me to the doctor was from lupus. It was all right there on the x-rays. A picture of what I had refused to face.

So blah blah blah, Mom, why are you rattling on about this?

Two reasons.

The first is that getting a reality check like the one I just got triggers questions regarding all my beliefs and most of what I have taught you. How do I know what I know? How well can I trust my sources?

I woke up crying this morning. It's my birthday, and I, once again, was seeing dead people in my dreams. My Dad. My Grandmother. Aunt Lois Anne. Uncle Larry. I have no really trustworthy source for my belief that these visits are as real as anything else in our world.

Are these just errant signals from a broken heart?

Or is it true that love continues, always?

I know what I want to believe.

Which brings me to the second reason.

Learning to stand your ground is important. Critical, even. But so is learning to face things head on. So far? You're ahead of me on both counts.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Letters to Samson - 26, continued	Holly	07:22:01 04/14/07 Sat