Re: I want to die now~~ -- bme forum

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Subject: Re: I want to die now~~

Author:
trott7 brian

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Date Posted: 21:58:11 09/08/04 Wed
In reply to: pat 's message, "Re: I want to die now~~" on 07:42:47 02/04/04 Wed

im 30 with a 25 yr old wife who is moving on to a better person than me i found this out being a snoop. I have 3 kids 10,7,3. My oldest with someone else who tries to make my life a living hell for a sport. The middle is not even blood and me not thinking of others treats him that way. My youngest is with my "wife" who has found love elsewhere. This morning we talked about our relationship and heartbreak took over i punched the fireplace now my hand hurts. When i left for work whitch was already on the edge of losing again. I found out i couldn't make it on time would result in being fired once more, so here i am no job no wife i will sonn lose my oldest to her mom my son who doesnt like my {i dont blame him} and my youngest that i will miss most of her growing up, and no place to live but my junky 1992 honda civic that uses more oil than gas. All are reasons for me wanting to end it all but to scared to. I have read what alot of you have had to say the only cure for this is one of those four lettered words "LOVE" someone to hold us and say it will be ok and we will not beleive them because if it got better we would not be writing to a bounch of strangers with our computers praying something would soon happen. To those who have had a change for the better i am happy your crying is over and the numbness in your chest gone. To those still trying dont end it we need each other to listen to the reasons why we must end it all, with out that you would not be reading this. I'm sorry if this made no point. I too have nobody to talk to.

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[> [> Subject: Re: I want to die now~~

Author:
Gray
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Date Posted: 14:08:47 09/09/04 Thu

I just typed in "I want to die" on the computer and this site came up. So i started reading, i read all of the entries. I think my situation is different than all of yours. I have had a mixed life of ups and downs. I had an extremely fucked up child hood and family, however i had amazing friends that became my family, and i protected them as such. I would die for anyone of them, they are my true family. Unfortunatly that was not the hand of cards i was delt. Val died just over a year ago, in a car crash, speeding to come watch my soccer game. I can't even say her name without breaking down...i thought it would get easier with time, but it only gets harder. She was 20 years old and "gorgious", giving, caring, she was pre med in college, a athlete, you name it she was the purity that we all strive for. Since her deth i just slide further into alcohalism, and unlike many of you i have never tried to cut my wrist. ALso unlike many of you i do however have the means of ending my life there are many nights i lie on my bed with pictures of her and drowning my sorrows in booze press the cold barrel of my loaded 45 to my temple and flirt with the trigger. Being an Athiest makes it that much harder, i try so hard to believe in Heaven for her sake and mine, but i just don't buy it. I can't wait 60 years to find out. I just miss her so god damn much........Axl Rose you have stayed my hand so many times i wish i could thank you in person, "and never mind the darkness we still can find a way, cause nothing lasts for ever, even cold november rain."