Author:
gee
[ Edit | View ]
|
Date Posted: 08:20:33 11/01/04 Mon
wow.. that's long.
>
>Dreams, rulers of the night
>Reminder of the past
>Forseer of the future.
>
>Dreams, bringer of fantasy
>Bringer of salvation
>Bringer of joy.
>
>Dreams, Reminder of the pain
>Reminders of the fear
>Reminders of the past.
>
>Dreams, what people dream.
>
>But, Why cant I dream?
>Why Do i not dream of Joy?
>Why not of Salvation?
>
>Why, When I dream,
>I dream of the fear?
>I dream of the pain?
>
>Why must I dream of the past?
>
>Dreams, I haven't had them.
>No Dreams for me,
>I refuse to dream,
>Dreams are not for me....
>
>Why cant I dream?
>
>
>Am I sane?
>
>Well, Am I?
>
>Is it ok that I laugh at pain?
>I used to hurt, to cry.
>
>Now things that hurt just make me laugh.
>
>Am I Sane?
>
>Or better yet, Was I ever sane?
>
>I search my soul, I find nothing.
>Search my life, Find nothing.
>
>Am I Sane?
>
>Why do I laugh at the Pain?
>Why do I cry with the joy?
>
>Surely I cant be sane...
>
>
>Stars in the sky.
>
>Numbers that cant be counted.
>
>Each could represent a dream,
>Each one, a hope.
>
>One by one, they are born.
>One by one, they all die.
>
>Unaccountable numbers of hopes,
>Of Dreams.
>
>Some shine brighter.
>
>Some flair, flicker before they die.
>
>Some burn bright, as bright as some desires.
>
>But each new hope, each new dream, each new star,
>There are always more lost hopes, dead dreams, failing
>stars.
>
>In a Sea of unaccountable Stars....
>
>
>
>It's just a life...
>
>What can i do with it?
>
>Can I take it?
>Can I rule it?
>Can I change it?
>
>I role these things in my mind.
>
>I could rule it.
>
>I try.
>
>I Fail
>
>This life cant be chained.
>
>I could Change it...
>
>I Try, strive.
>
>Push.
>
>It doesnt change.
>
>I Could take it...
>
>Hmm, there is a thought.
>End it.
>
>I try.
>
>I fail.
>
>I come so close.
>
>I come close, to taking this life.
>
>I fail.
>
>What can I do with this life.....
>
>This life of mine?
>
>
>Humer
>
>What to do?
>To do when humer doesnt cut it?
>
>Why do we enjoy seeing other's pain?
>
>Why do we laugh when things arnt funny?
>
>I know why i laugh..
>
>It helps eases the pain...
>
>Why is it? What is it about other's suffereing that is
>so funny?
>
>I know that i dont laugh. But other's do.
>Others enjoy it. My pain, your pain.
>
>But they dont think it is funny when it is their pain.
>
>Ohh sure, i laugh, when it helps eases the pain.
>
>But what to do? When the pain is too great?
>
>Do i laugh with those who laugh about my pain?
>
>What would that help? Pain is too great...
>
>But I will continue to laugh...
>
>It is the only thing that i can do.
>
>Why should we laugh at the pain?
>
>The Pain is too great.
>
>So I say, lets stand back, have a good laugh, while it
>still leaves the pain...
>
>
>Im just a Shell of my former self.
>
>The things i show other people.
>They arn't the real me.
>
>The things I do around other people.
>They arn't the real me.
>
>I do what I do,
>So no one will know.
>
>So no one will know,
>Who the real me is.
>
>It is better this way.
>Keep my sarrow to myself.
>
>They are my problems,
>Mine alone.
>
>Im a shell of my former self.
>
>Mybe one day, I will break this shell.
>
>Mybe one day, I will show my self...
>
>
>A Night.
>
>Another Night.
>
>I made it through this night.
>I wake up. Still alive.
>Another night.
>
>I go from day to day.
>Afriad of the nights.
>
>A Night, Another Night.
>Just one more.
>
>I wake. Make it through,
>Through another night.
>
>
>How to Say Goodbye...
>
>To a loved one,
>A friend.
>
>How To say Goodbye...
>
>To someone who mattered.
>
>How To Say Goodbye...
>
>To someone who showed you,
>Showed you who you are.
>
>How To Say Goodbye...
>
>To a Friend,
>A friend that gave me memories,
>Memories of good times.
>
>How To Say Goodbye...
>
>Words cant express my feelings,
>My love, My soul.
>
>How To Say Goodbye...
>
>Why is it impossible to simply say Goodbye?
>
>
>When words arn't enough.
>
>That is where I end.
>Where i get off.
>Then end of my being.
>
>When i cant express myself,
>Im no longer me.
>
>Where the words stop,
>I stop.
>
>How am I to say the things that need to be said?
>When i cant find the words to say them?
>
>Words can be hurtfull but they are me,
>Who i am.
>
>My feelings, emotions, body, soul.
>
>When you read my words,
>You are reading me.
>
>So when you flip that last page,
>Read that last line.
>Inturpret that last word,
>You have reached the end of me.
>
>I gues this is the end of me...
>
>
>
>Friends..
>
>Friends lost,
>No idea why..
>
>You talk,
>No idea why..
>
>You say hi,
>They say nothing.
>
>Ask them why,
>They say nothing.
>
>Friends lost..
>
>Tell me why,
>My friend,
>Why you dont talk,
>Why you dont listen.
>
>Tell me why,
>My friend,
>You dont like me,
>What did i do?
>
>My friend..
>
>
>
>There is something wrong with the world.
>
>People fight over petty stuff.
>Things that dont matter.
>Things as petty as name calling.
>
>People like to see other's in pain.
>They get a kick out of it.
>They get a joy out of it.
>
>People like causing pain.
>They twist a little farther,
>Just to hurt.
>
>They do this to feed their need,
>need for pain, Get their fix,
>Fix of a sedistic drug.
>
>This drug, sedistic drug,
>Is one of seeing other's suffer.
>
>Everyone does this on one level or another.
>Why is it that people try to cheer you up,
>By saying that others have it worse?
>By saying that your not the only one?
>By pointing out that your better off?
>
>This is a drug,
>one that is worse then any other.
>
>Not because of the people who do it,
>but the people who are hurt from it.
>
>But this drug, it isnt protested.
>
>Why?
>
>Because most people do it,
>No matter how little it is,
>Most people still do it.
>
>Why?
>
>Is it the feeling of superiority?
>The feeling that it wasnt you?
>
>For this, there are no answers.
>
>There is another drug.
>One that can be just as adductive.
>But isnt widly used, nor known.
>
>This drug,
>Under-used drug,
>Is help.
>
>Why is it?
>That people would rather get pleasure,
>From the pains of others,
>Then to get pleasure,
>From helping others?
>
>This Drug, sweet, wonderful drug,
>Is the best drug.
>
>Gives you the best feelings.
>
>Sure it is harder to use,
>but the rewards of using it is more then worth it.
>
>So why?
>Why do people choose the pain of others?
>Why not help? It is much more rewarding.
>
>Why?
>
>
>Shadows,
>
>I walk among shadows,
>Never sure of what is next.
>
>Is it just my will?
>Is my suroundings Real?
>Or just What i make?
>
>Can i change my world?
>If they are but shadows?
>Shadows of my will? Needs? Wants?
>
>Can i just reach out for what i want,
>Can i just grasp it? Bring it to me?
>
>Could it be? That im the onlyone real?
>That everyone else is nothing more then a filling?
>To fill the world that i built?
>
>If so, Then i walk among shadows.
>
>
>With the Stroke of a brush..
>
>A Artist finishs a work.
>
>Completes a world.
>
>Finishs a life.
>
>Colors a sky.
>
>With the stroke of a brush..
>
>The artist finishs a picture.
>
>Speaks an unspoken language.
>
>Adds feelings where there where none,
>Emotions to a blank peice of canvas.
>
>With the stroke of a brush..
>
>The artist finishes a part of themself.
>
>Part of their soul. A soul they poured so much of.
>
>With the look of an eye..
>
>The artist realises that their work is incomplete.
>Who they are isn't finished.
>
>With the feel of a touch..
>
>They find the imperfections in the work.
>
>The things that only time and effort can fix.
>
>With the stroke of a brush..
>
>The Artist continues on their great work..
>
>
>When dream shatters.
>
>When you realise that nothing is what you wanted.
>
>When you figure out that your striving for a lost
>cause.
>
>When you lose your hope in something that you wanted.
>
>It hurts.
>
>When you start to see the cracks, breaking the dream's
>lining,
>
>You cringe.
>
>When you start to hear the snapping of the dream,
>
>It seers your ears.
>
>When you see the now broken image of what was once a
>smooth surface,
>
>You cry.
>
>Your dream, the one that has such promise, is falling
>apart.
>
>Bit by bit, you watch as the peices fall off.
>
>You are saddened.
>
>Little by little, the peices shatter on the floor like
>peices of broken glass.
>
>Your heart-broken.
>
>Peice by peice, everything falls apart.
>
>Your hopes are dashed.
>
>All you can do, is stand by and watch as something you
>loved, strived for, dreamed of and longed for drifts
>away and shatters...
>
>When Dreams Shatter....
>
>
>Two Faced.
>
>One A friend,
>The other, a Hidden enimy.
>
>Sneaks in past you as a friend.
>Stabs you in the back as a Enimy.
>
>Someone you love, repsected, praised,
>Becomes someone you hate, loath and curse.
>
>The perfect disguise...
>
>The un-expected evil.
>
>The spy that got past the line.
>
>Two faced Friend,
>Why?
>
>Two Faced Friend,
>You hurt me in more ways then you know.
>
>You gained my trust.
>My respect.
>I cared how you where.
>
>You tore me apart.
>The damage you have done is even deeper then the knife
>in my back.
>
>My Two Faced friend....
>
>
>Fragile life.
>
>We walk through it, Tip toe around it, sneak about it.
>
>Walking on Egg shells. Knowing that one slip could
>change everything.
>
>Reletivly weak. We can snap like Twigs in a tornado.
>
>And why? It all ends eventually.
>
>And why? Because of the good things that make all the
>effort of being carefull worth it. The hope of a
>family. Of friends. Of fun.
>
>This Fragile life.
>
>We live it. Knowing at anymoment our shells could
>break.
>
>So why do we love this Fragile life?
>
>Well, this started out as a poem but now im not so
>sure anymore....
>
>
>A Tear.
>
>A tear like many others,
>But like no other.
>
>A tear with meaning.
>
>A Tear full of hope once lost,
>Hope once forgoten.
>
>A tear of happiness,
>Of Joy.
>
>Shed for memories once forgotten.
>
>A tear like no other..
>
>
>Fear.
>
>The fear of the walls.
>Closing in, cant breath.
>Cant speak, cant scream.
>Smaller, smaller my world becomes.
>
>The fear of height.
>Over the edge I peer.
>Vision becomes blurred.
>Head becomes dizzy.
>Everything in my world moves,
>Yet everything is still.
>Tilting, slipping and falling is my fear.
>
>Fear of the night.
>Walking down the street.
>What was that?
>That noise?
>Was that a foot step?
>What was that I just saw?
>Was that just a shadow or something more?
>Who just called my name?
>Who are you? What do you want?
>Leave me alone!
>
>Fear of the Flame
>Hot, searing.
>Crackling, Burning.
>The pain of the heat.
>Of me feeding this beast.
>
>Fear of being alone.
>Waking up.
>Reaching out.
>Touching nothing.
>Looking up, looking around.
>Nothing is around.
>No one to hear your screams.
>
>Fear of that day.
>The day everything changed.
>Life hasn’t been the same.
>I get up.
>It kicks me down.
>Reminding me. Kicking me.
>Running from a past that runs faster then me.
>
>I am Fear. Here I will stay. Live with me you may. I
>will keep you company. Fallow you around, letting you
>know I am here. For I am fear.
>
>
>
>
>What is life?
>Nothing but a fragile thing.
>Just like an egg.
>Will is strong.
>Body is weak.
>A Slip,
>A Trip,
>A bump,
>And life is changed.
>A Fall can mean the end,
>If not the total end,
>The end of one,
>And Beginning of another.
>Will To live,
>Will to die.
>Will to help,
>Or the will to hide.
>Slip, Slip,
>Tumble and crunch.
>Life is no more.
>Life is the fire,
>Spreads itself.
>Reproduces,
>And eventually smothers itself.
>Life is Water,
>Never ending cycles.
>Life is love,
>Needed, yet hard.
>Life is choice,
>Whether the right, or the wrong.
>Beginning and end,
>Wanted, or not,
>Needed.
>Like a friend,
>Or a Family.
>Learn to love, learn to hate,
>Live, learn, love, hate.
>This is Life.
>
>
>Im Sorry, For being me.
>Try to help, but get in the way.
>Try to love, but hurt anyways.
>Try to solve your loneliness, but only drive you
>further away.
>Wanting to be held, wanting to be needed,
>Driving you back, needing you close.
>
>Being a friend, by driving you away,
>Saving you from me, hopefully one day you will
>understand.
>Needing to know how you care, but not caring either
>way.
>
>Longing for your touch, while biting your hand.
>
>Im sorry, for being me.
>
>Uncaring and cold, as I may seem.
>Needing you there, also where I need to be.
>
>Im just sorry, for being me.
>
>
>Raising with the morning sun, I open my eyes.
>Turning my head, noticing I'm still by your side.
>
>Smiling, because it was no dream.
>That Night we shared, You and me.
>
>The Memory of what had happened, still fresh in my
>mind.
>Every moment, every breathless moment.
>
>The sweet smell, of which I will never forget,
>Nor the taste, that was part of last nights bliss.
>The soft touch, so caring, so innocent.
>Flowing with a natural instinct, Giving me bliss.
>
>As I wake, I lie, looking at you.
>Feeling you, by my side.
>Hoping to never leave your side.
>
>
>Whirling around,
>The world spins around.
>Life grows, life whithers.
>Waters flow, then water to vaper
>
>Thoughts enter, then get pushed aside
>Life whithers, though only from inside
>Mind breaks where the heart once flowed
>Ice cold, though the viens still flow.
>
>In and out of awareness I go,
>Seeing the world, then nothing more.
>There and back again I lean,
>From side to side, like wind in a tree
>Waiting for the cycle to end.
>Clinging on, though to what is still to be seen.
>Wondering on the edge, of a brink unseen.
>
>Cycle of life, cruel yet bold,
>From one end to the other,
>Flows from one, while stays in another.
>Visions flickering, fading from mind,
>This for me, is the end of my line.
>
>
>Looking up, stiring around.
>
>Seeing the world that once I had seen,
>That wasnt really ment for me.
>
>
>Twisting in my bed, cheeks still stained red.
>Wondering if it was a dream,
>That which happened to me.
>
>Stiring quietly, waiting to see,
>If I wake up, to find that this is another dream.
>
>Feeling the warmth of a new day's dawn,
>Shining down on a face that was twice scorned.
>One that was once filled with rage,
>Once with sorrow, and once with pain.
>
>
>Sitting up, smile on a face,
>Forgetting the tears, that still left their trace.
>
>
>Losing all worries, about days long past,
>Looking ahead for days coming fast.
>
>Feeling new things, this very day,
>A Feeling of bliss,
>Which may never be explained.
>
>
>
>
>
>There is no place to hide.
>Trying to find what's in my mind.
>
>I look around, but not even a sound.
>Drop a pin, though it felt silly then,
>but not even a sound, nor a firm ground.
>
>Floating about, I scream and shout.
>No one.
>
>I lost my mind, and still cannot find,
>A sense of time,
>Sense of smell, it has nothing to tell
>Sense of hearing has me fearing any sound.
>No sense of sight, trying as hard as I might,
>I've gone blind.
>
>Wondering around, lost and unfound,
>Deaf and blind...
>
>Inside my mind.
>
>
>
>Me, and a road,
>Dark road, black road
>Fallowing the road, not knowing
>
>
>Searching for a reason to follow the road.
>Keep going, moving, searching
>Along this road, black road
>
>This road, full of detours,
>detours of love, joy, sadness,
>detours of fear, and uncertainty.
>
>I move along this road, alone
>Searching for the reason
>Reason why I fallow this road
>Not finding, just looking
>
>This winding road, moving, searching
>Knowing there is a end
>Yet, not knowing where, when or how long
>
>Waiting for the end, final destination
>Not knowing where it leads,
>Just along for the ride
>
>Following this road,
>Wanting to speed up,
>Wanting to slow down.
>Wanting to see where it leads
>Wanting the end but fearing the end.
>
>No Reason to fallow this road,
>No reason to leave this road,
>Only curiosity of where it leads keeps me on it.
>
>Waiting on the end of this long, black road...
>
>
>
>Walking up, saying hi.
>Knife, blade in the light.
>Lead away, fear in my eyes.
>Laid down, held against my fight.
>Cloths on the ground, pulled off by noon.
>
>Tied down, bindings too tight.
>Tied down, no way to fight.
>
>Pain feirce, penetration too harsh.
>Screams loud, way too far.
>Two times around, each share the night.
>Done yet? No end in sight.
>
>Struggle I try, futile it seems.
>Hope's lost, no end it seems.
>
>Pain felt, refreshed and renewed.
>Ugh blood, too much for the view.
>Smell nausiating, blood can be felt.
>
>Light dims, pain begins to dull.
>Lights out, release from this hell hole...
>
>Waking up, still in such pain.
>Blood dried, but alot still remains.
>Look around, but Im all alone.
>Naked still, but tied up no more.
>
>Innocent still? Not after that night.
>Life left? Meaning left outside of sight.
>
>
>
>Friend, Please?
>Do a something for me?
>
>Have my heart,
>and make it beat?
>
>Take my mind,
>and make it think?
>
>Use my lungs,
>and make them breath?
>
>Take my hands,
>and make them feel?
>
>Use my body,
>and just Live..
>
>For me?
>
>
>
>Losing sanity,
>demented thoughts in my mind.
>
>Voices i hear,
>though i know my ears lie.
>
>Times forgotten,
>Though still remembered
>
>Tearing apart,
>Inside Im tattered.
>
>Things i know are bad for me,
>I still seem to do.
>
>Torturing it is,
>I seem to continue.
>
>Losing my mind,
>Slipping and falling.
>
>Things aren't what they seem,
>and nothing worth recalling.
>
>Lost without a mind.
>
>
>
>Friend, Please?
>Do a something for me?
>
>Have my heart,
>and make it beat?
>
>Take my mind,
>and make it think?
>
>Use my lungs,
>and make them breath?
>
>Take my hands,
>and make them feel?
>
>Use my body,
>and just Live..
>
>For me?
>
>
>See Me?
>On the seat,
>While I eat.
>
>Next to a creak,
>listening to beats.
>
>In the heat,
>while the sweat seeps.
>
>Drinking Tea,
>In the cool morning breeze.
>
>Being me,
>though the world cant see.
>
>What it's like,
>To just be me
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