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Subject: Re: PLEASE--I so need Spiritual Guidance, big time!

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Date Posted: 20:04:57 03/21/07 Wed
In reply to: Susan 's message, "PLEASE--I so need Spiritual Guidance, big time!" on 11:13:59 03/21/07 Wed

We are so grieved to read of your current situation. Unfortunately, you are not alone. There are many Christians who have been "burned" by others. I guess I would start out by saying that you, as a wife, are your husband's helpmate. God gave you to him. This means that you are his life partner. Many men have this notion that the wife has no say in the marriage but the bible does not teach such a thing. The husband is the head over the household-- this is his role but such a role does not mean dictatorship where the wife is a "quiet mouse" in the marriage. The husband must love his wife as Christ loves the Church-- that is a huge responsibility. As a wife-- his helpmate, when you see your husband is going down the wrong road, you need to, in kindness, share your heart with him. Communication is essential. This is a time to share your heart and in meekness encourage him to do what is right. Prayer is essential and praying for God to lead your husband to do the right thing for the sake of your family. Your husband is not responsible for any other family-- only his own.

Since your husband is a business partner, has your husband asked to see the books? Is there financial transparency regarding the other partner involved? Does your husband have access to see where all the money has gone and what exactly was made in profits?

Now, to answer your question...we would suggest that you do NOTHING alone. This is not your responsibility. Your husband is the head of your home. You, your husband and two other witnesses (not involved in the situation) could take this issue to the pastor and the elders-- in a private meeting. Let your husband do the talking. Please do not involve the entire church-- keep it quiet-- it will come out anyway. Before the meeting, a good thing to do would be to write a grievance letter with all documentation brought to the table. (The hours of work vs. the amount of pay. The amount owed to you. Your loss. etc.) Make copies for everyone present at the meeting and let your husband read the letter aloud to all who are present-- and let it proceed from there. All should be done with respect and in kindness.

In all honesty, the pastors and elders (whoever benefitted from his labor) should take up a collection for your husband's work. A laborer is worthy of his meat. They are to do unto others...Period. To do righteously is to do what is right.

NEVER DO ANYTHING WITHOUT WITNESSES PRESENT. The bible makes it clear that two witnesses should be present. In biblical times, things were not done with just a handshake. A covenant was enacted with witnesses. A grievance was made in the presence of witnesses:

Deut 19:15 One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established.

Consider even King David in 2Samuel 24:24, when offered the land for free: And the king said unto Araunah, Nay; but I will surely buy it of thee at a price: neither will I offer burnt offerings unto the LORD my God of that which doth cost me nothing. So David bought the threshingfloor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.

So we see that King David paid the former king full value for private land on Mount Moriah. It was done legally.

From your letter, I am gathering that these "luxury" items were not necessities and that is why the money went so fast. Most people do not have such amenities. We must beware of materialism-- for God is not in such ventures. Should luxuries be a "must have" for the elders? God wants us to be wise-- responsible-- with our money. (See our link below.)

Never endeavor to do anything without signatures, witnesses and a clear understanding of what is expected. In the future, our advice is to get everything in writing-- honest people have no problem with providing paperwork to assure that things will be done orderly. If a "handshake" is made, then paperwork with signatures and a witness present can be made as well...this way there are no misunderstandings about what is expected of both parties-- in the case there is a "memory lapse." No true Christian will take advantage of another-- we are to give from our hearts and as long as our motives are right, God will provide all that we need.

Sometimes, church folk like to pressure other church folk to do things beyond their monetary budget "for the ministry" and people end up in tremendous debt and sometimes-unneeded pain and aggravation. But what we have learned is that God does NOT place heavy burdens upon His people. His yolk is easy and His burden is light. Whatever the Lord has called you to do, He will provide the means for you to do it. He will provide the funds, the strength, the labor, etc. In this case, not knowing all the circumstances involved, but only what you have disclosed, I would say something is definitely wrong and sounds "fishy." I think that because your husband was a partner, his name should have been on all the paperwork, since day one. The old adage comes to mind, "Never do business with a close friend."

Susan, you might be dealing with wolves in sheep’s clothing. We must caution all of our readers that just because someone has professed to know Christ as Lord and Savior does not mean that they are truly born again. Even those that have prayed a prayer of salvation and thought they were saved, may not be. We teach this on our website.

We have heard of many Christians who have been "burned" by other professing Christians -- pastors included. We read about it on blogs, in the news, etc. The problem is that many do not "do unto others" and selfishly think about their own agendas. Unfortunately, we live in a world where "me" comes first and church folk are not exempt from such a mentality -- unless they are truly born again and walking in the Spirit and yielding to God. Susan, beware of this...you might NOT be dealing with true Christians, so please do not get discouraged with the entire Body of Christ. Many Christians, after experiencing wolves in sheep’s clothing, tend to be discouraged with all Christians. The Lord Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you — stay close to Him and know that God has a plan.

We will be praying for you and your family and all involved. Please stop by and give us a follow-up so we know how it works out.

Also please see our articles:


>I need support, based on scripture, to help my
>husband.I've been a born again christian and bible
>reading christian for 12 years. I'm really concerned
>about my husband. He gave everything up in his
>life---his full time job 2 years ago--to go into
>business with a wealthy friend of 15 years/and a
>fellow christian. The idea was to make money, but to
>also do some charity work for the local church. My
>husband gave it his all, for two years. His partner
>was very generous with the church, essentially giving
>them the houses my husband secured and rebuilt. We
>trusted the partner fully, and our name is not on any
>paperwork. Since we were doing so much for the church,
>we didnt feel it was necessary to get signatures. A
>person's word is their bond, right? Even when my
>husband made profits, they went to help fix up the
>homes for the church. Much of what was paid for, in
>hindsight was very luxurious---expensive fences,
>flooring, the best in new kitchen aids and products,
>custom closets, sunk in tubs..In the end, after two
>years, suddenly the partner says, "Gee, I have really
>spent too much, havent I?" We never said anything,
>thinking..."Give and it shall be given to you." Our
>ten year old son even said, "Daddy, why are you are
>your partner doing everything for free? Where is the
>profit?" All we got for our labors were our basic
>bills paid, nothing special. Now, in an attempt to
>save money, the partner has told my husband he has no
>more money. My husband is literally having a nervous
>breakdown. He gave up his full time job. He feels like
>a fool. He was giving to God, wasnt he? The partner is
>still paying for the elder, and his wife and family...
>rent, everything, to live there, though. We arent even
>asking for half of the house...just a little help. Our
>son, who we're trying to bring up as a good Christian,
>looks at us like we are fools. I want to trust God and
>I do, but, how do you reconcile people who you feel
>are doing things for God, and stealing from you? What
>should I do to help my husband? Is it right that the
>elders are living high on the hog, and we cannot pay
>our rent next month? We are both trying to get more
>work. My husband is trying to get his old job back.
>Should I be quiet, as I have been these past few years
>as I saw all this go on, or should I tell someone from
>the church what is happening? I love his partner, but
>he should not be seen as someone who "gives" and is
>"Wonderful" if he is truly hurting and stealing from
>another person, another christian. My husband feels
>like everyone is laughing at him. Is this the devil?
>Is this what giving to the church is all about? When
>and how do you calmly stand up for your own rights?
>Can someone please, give me scriptural advice? Should
>I talk to the partner? My husband is really sick--I
>dont know if at his age he can get over this. He gave
>up everything, thinking he was doing the right thing.
>I know I'll never be rich, but I dont want to wind up
>living in my car, either.

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Re: PLEASE--I so need Spiritual Guidance, big time!sandra07:46:15 03/25/07 Sun

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