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Date Posted: 21:47:28 01/08/11 Sat
Author: Ernie Penisdance
Subject: Re: The Return of the Random Bios: Johnberg
In reply to: Ernie Penisdance 's message, "The Return of the Random Bios: Johnberg" on 00:17:16 01/08/11 Sat

Aaaaaaaaaaaand we're back you massive dick!

Part 2 of the Johnberg Bio:

After creating an estimated 14,000 Create-a-Beards of himself in Smackdown Here Comes The DDT, Johnberg decided to return to VIW under the name of John Van Wonderbeard. He kept this name right up until his actual match where he DDT'd the announcer (Mean Green Okenslash) for mispronunciation, Johnberg later claimed that as far is it may appear to read John Van Wonderbeard on paper, it is in fact actually pronounced "God of all things wis, wonderful, bearded and otherwise". Mean Green was sentenced to death and sent to a penal colony in Croatia where he will be executed by electric hedge trimmer in 2014.

Johnberg went on to win 145 UFC titles including Fighter of the Decade and the Dan Severn Moustache Ride Award For Bravery. Johnberg melted down all his trophies and belts and made them into a giant statue of his own beard which he later sold on eBay for a record breaking $192 Billion. This crashed the stock market and ruined the world's banks for several decades to come.

In 2004 Johnberg decided it would be a fantastic idea to just stop coming to VIW events despite holding every single championship at the same time. VIW had no choice other than to close down and bide their time until Johnberg decided to return. In the interim years, VIW went from operating as a nightclub to a franchised outlet of the Little Chef, to a Mom & Pop Hardware Store and finally a magician's college.

In 2006 Johnberg returned and VIW restarted with a show entitled VIW: Enter The Beard Carefully. The event featured the now world famous highlight of Johnberg kicking in Diamond Eyes, hijacking a boeing 747, flying it over Cuba and DDT'ing Castro before coming home to tear a sink off Lord Abortion's bathroom wall.

In 2009 after serving time for Grievous Sink Harm and endangerment of water faucetts, Johnberg returned to VIW once again for a record shattering 89th time. This time around he stunned the world by appearing on Britain's Got Skills (the VIW rip-off of Britain's Got Talent) and DDT'ing everyone in the audience, Beard-Thrusting Ant & Dec through a wall and Beard-Hammering Simon Cower through the stage. Johnberg was awarded $829,000 in damages for emotional distress.

Tune in once again next time (whenever the hell that will be) for the next update in Random Bios.

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