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Date Posted: 21:16:11 12/25/11 Sun
Author: Ace Jordan
Subject: Grass Stained Memories (chapter 1)

Authors Note:
I Originally started writing these pages, well the bulk of them way back in 2005 when The Backyard Federation VIW was still running. Under the title “Behind the Barbed-wire” not very realistic a title as there was only a small amount of Barbed-wire used throughout the VIW years, a rough copy in 2006 was posted without my permission on the VIW website I was unhappy for two reasons 1. It wasn’t finished and 2. I bitched a little too hard on one or two or the wrestlers. I wasn’t happy with it and asked it to be taken down and my wish was granted, I planned to rewrite it and post it back on the VIW home website in the future. Although it took many years of procrastination on my part and by now the website is gone all remaining a seldom visited forum, I still would like to tell the tale of “Violent Impact Wrestling” and cram 6-7 years of memories into a few pages. But even thou I have took some care still these pages may include parts that may make some of the former VIW roster unhappy…but it wouldn’t be an interesting tale if I just walked on eggshells and cared too much about what Mikro thinks…

I have assumed that most people reading this have some knowledge of pro wrestling therefore when I describe a basic wrestling hold such as body slam or suplex I won’t be giving a detailed explanation, if however a maneuver sounds odd or has a VIW signature name such a “Sinanator” I’ll provide a brief explanation if I believe needed.

Yes, a few years have now past since VIW tore up mine and your mother’s garden and was finally pinned for that symbolic 3 count…actually it was more of a tap out. I can now reflect back on a completed story. For respect sake I used pseudonyms on the wrestler’s names perhaps to protect their identity they may not want others in their life to know what stupid shit they did back in the day or they may not give a fuck what anyone thinks, however I’ll just be un-VIW and play it safe. Therefore inside or upside the ring (or action mattress/grass/sand zone) Diamond Eyes will always be referred to as Diamond Eyes for example. As for me the author well I’m an untrustworthy sarcastic narrator with a gods eye who maybe at times inserts a joke rather than the most accurate fact to keep you entertained but I was there from the beginning, right there alongside Hangman and Smudge, hell I might as well of been one of them…

Let’s be clear this book/story is not pro-backyard wrestling or Anti-backyard wrestling. There is enough of a debate on it in other books/videos etc you can go pick them up somewhere else I am not plugging their works go look for yourself I will focus and tell the little tale of Violent Impact Wrestling.

“For someone to do this shit you must have a major mental handicap!” Stevie Richards on backyard Wrestling - 2001

(Below- Legion of Spastics with Sin)

(pic missing)

It was formed for the sake of simple entertainment yet unconventional it was a backyard fed that would evolve to a dysfunctional family of misfits and this is their story (sorry E!). This is the rise and fall (cough) and rise and sizzling out slowly story of VIW enjoy.

-ACE

Chapter one – Jackass meets wrestling

“Jackass meets Wrestling” was the title to one of the first highlight reels grappler Justice composed of VIW footage and many of the like-to-be-thought of- as wrestlers were slightly offended with the title, maybe they didn’t like being called jackasses or they just didn’t care for the MTV show and were more in favor of Dirty Sanchez. But in reflection the title was very apt to describe the VIW years, or maybe pluralize it into jackasses meet wrestling.

It all began in Stranraer the year was 2002 and as I believe most BYW stories start it began with wrestling fans with too much time on their wee hands and no girlfriends,
The town of Stranraer, located in the region of Dumfries and Galloway is a Scottish town were everyone unfortunately sounds Irish. It has the population of 13,000 approx despite it being the largest of the towns in the Rhins it is still small with only a few shops and supporting one of the windiest football stadiums in Scotland, the town was best known for being the Irish connection, with ferries at that point in time traveling to and from Belfast daily and all future members of VIW were pimply adolescents apart from Lord Abortion who was probably 43.

During the fall of 2002 the two boys who would later backyard wrestle with the pseudonyms Hangman and Smudge had the idea to create a comedy sketch show that was wrestling related simple for their own personal amusement. Using a cheap low resolution web-cam they created the variety show/mini movie. Its characters, the main leads being the hosts, Hangman with Fabulous Ernie Penisdance, a Halloween masked drug addict and Smudge with Redneck Gregg, a stereotypical red, white and blue bumpkin who tried and failed to sound gangster and wore a tracksuit instead of overalls, along with old puppets as other characters added up the cast. The plot revolved around the build up to a fight between wrestling legend Hulk Hogan and his fictional homosexual twin brother named Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The main story stupid and immature in nature was Hulk Hogan was going to kick the pink out of Hollywood Hogan for being I quote “too gay” thus embarrassing his macho brother or as Hulk would pronounce “Brutha” in public. To add to the ludicrous story the fight was a wrestling match and not any ordinary wrestling match, no, this was a 5 pounds hanging above the ring ladder match. The flick simple named “Hogan Show”
Unfortunately try as they didn’t, Hulk Hogan never showed up in Scotland to take part in the two sixteen years old web camera show. Although he might have heard of it (he could hear great distances by cupping his hand to his ear) jacked and twisted the idea into VH1 hit “Hogan knows best” but that’s as Ernie Penisdance catchphrase would become “that’s purely speculation”
The Hogan’s in the show they fell back on were stuffed toys made in 1991 during the Hulkster’s heyday. The show had game shows, street talk, lots of swearing which is super cool to do at that (or any) age and music videos all the time the puppeteer’s hands being in clear view. Some of it was funny some jokes fallen flatter than Stacey Kieblers breasts. The main event at the end with tongue in cheek commentary was successful under the “it is so crap it was excellent” banner, Hollywood’s ambitions of using the 5 pound to buy butt plugs was ultimately fowled by the heroic homophobic Hulkster to end the show. lasting 1hour 11 minutes and 11 seconds the show was released on VCD format on the 1st of the 11th month as the legend goes, It was passed around locally notable to the man who would later play a large role in VIW Superhero1471 who showed the video to buddies usually before a night out. Soon on the Saturday night strangers where shouting “Hogan Show” at the man who portrayed Ernie Penisdance, it was figured to be a success (someone actually watched some of it and found it mildly enjoyable…probably part thanks to Alco-pops) plans for Hogan show 2 where made a lots of footage had already been shot mostly left over parts or delete scenes from Hogan Show episode 1. episode 2 was to be shot on the low-resolution web-cam just like the first, that produced blocky very pixelated images, for the sequel a fight between the great Brutha (Hulk Hogan) and the Great Mutha (Japanese wrestler the Great Muta) was the plot. The only reason this match was selected was that it was the only actual “real” Hogan match either two had on their computers, long before broadband and quick downloads were available and you could have about 200 matches in 3 minutes downloaded you lucky gits don’t know how good you have it.

For a new segment among many on the show a wrestling exhibition between 2 of the shows recurring characters Redneck Gregg and his equally inbred cousin Cletus played by Hangman was going to occur. Facing off in a backyard match or rather; barnyard match; as it was said for comedies sake although there was no big red barn, tractors or hay bails to be seen for miles, The concept of the match came after Hangman was able to get his hands on an actual video camcorder as opposed to the wired web cam. The Hogan Show was no longer confined to a single room, they celebrated as production value had gone through the roof, “Fuck future HD definition in the butt” they thought, going to more than one room in the house to shoot footage, “Fully mobile! Yeah baby yeah!” They cheered.
The mock match between characters Redneck Gregg and his cousin/brother Cletus was a bonfire match idea coming about probably due to it being November near Guy- Fox night although the setting of this skit was Kentucky were I doubt bumpkins celebrate the stoppage of an English parliament terrorist attack.
Smudge had make the ultimate sacrifice and burnt one or two of his old Sunday Sports that day to help build up the bonfire; although it’s up to debate if a few crumbled up soft porn papers on a board of wood qualifies as a bonfire. This would be Smudge and Hangman first Backyard match (and it sucked donkey ass) graduating from the old days of bedroom wrestling as 2 retards (yes the gimmick was they were masked wrestlers with down syndrome) Slapper and Skinner, the most politically incorrect and immature tag team ever L.O.S (legion of spastics) that was swiftly put to an end in early 1999 when Smudge got a permanent lump on the back of his noggin after delivering a diamond cutter to Hangman and smashing his own head off a headboard…then their tag team name came into a strange dispute when they were informed by a relative the name Legion of spastics was rather offence and wrong (who knew?) so they changed it to Legion of Spongs as that was okay. Making fun of retards is fine making fun of people with spastic disorder is
bad… ah we all live and learn.

“Dang man ma hat” Redneck Gregg 2002

Highlights or better lowlights to be remembered of this match was Redneck Gregg overselling*
The Stone Cold Stunner nearly as bad as The Rock at Wrestlemania 17 cart-wheeling, rolling and accidentally crushing his own red coloured beer funnel hat in the process to the laughter of all (being 2) the match climaxed with Cletus somersaulting/falling into the bonfire. Superhero1471 was a jack of all trades operating as cameraman, commentator and announcer and was so shocked by the bump he moved and the camera completely missed it on tape. (The match is lost like a burnt to ashes Sunday sports paper as the first and second VIW match was taped over it.)
Later being somewhat shameless Hangman showed the wrestle-crap that was the inbred bonfire scrap to the wrestler later to grace VIW with his presence Sin, who down played it as rubbish. Yet it was meant to be crap and bad in the sense it was not a serious match rather than a comedy performance for the Hogan show. (Yet it was unintentional poor as it had failed at being entertaining). Sin however failed to grasp this concept, this or he thought they were making an excuse for the lack of skills shown and proceeded to tell them he had a backyard wrestling fed that was way better and far more skilled and dangerous, apparently he had even fractured his own arm performing a frog splash of the top of Park School roof on to some person called Justice.

So 2002 turned to 2003 the wee baby lambs started to pop up in the fields, actually they didn’t Stranraer just started to smell like cow shit and plans started to circulate about another side project to Hogan show either a backyard fed or a jackass like program that would involve Hangman riding his bike of the local pier and other acts of teenage stupidity.

“All those disclaimers made me want to do it more” Millhouse 2001

Eventually after a few chats walking home from school a wrestling fed was agreed on Hangman would of went either way with the idea but Smudge was more keen on the idea of backyard wrestling as opposed to Jackass were injury was pretty much always guaranteed with wrestling it’s a tad more avoidable (what a wimp) the fed was named Violent Impact Wrestling or V.I.W for short, Hangman came up with the name likely inspired by an American backyard turned indie wrestling company High Impact Wrestling. Due to VIW, Hogan show 2 was put on hold and pretty much widely ignored. In 2004 a virus caused all off Hogan show 2 footage to be wiped from the PC it was stored on, with no back up discs it looked like it would never be released as neither 2 men wanted to start from scratch. Later a brand new constructed Hogan show 2 would be completed but that was four long years after the original in the summer of 2006.

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