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Date Posted: 21:19:22 12/25/11 Sun
Author: Ace Jordan
Subject: GSM (chapter 2)

CHAPTER 2 – Jobbers and robbers

The original plan before it began for VIW was to do just a few matches involving a few wrestlers, Hangman, Smudge, Superhero1471, Theodore Schlong and a few others this all throughout the late spring and summer of 2003 then the climax match/event would happen in August at an old abandoned pier where power wrestling moves could be used to throw people into the sea etc, before people left for college in the hopes of dorm cherry popping. That landing place was never visited as VIW far from ended in 2003, no one knew or could have predicted it would last as long as it did. If VIW didn’t get all the wrestlers it did there was no chance the fed would have survived after summer 2003 or reach it’s minor cult regional popularity.

“Nobody is to take this shit seriously…” Bob Calhoun

VIW unlike other backyard feds was not taking too seriously as at the end of the day it was a bunch of friends/dumb-asses wrestling in fields/backyards/ beaches/construction sites throwing each other about and a lot of it underlining themes was copied of Juggalo Championship Wrestling that was comedy based pro-wrestling promotion run by Hangman’s favourite band Insane Clown Posse. Whatever the main thing was to have fun this always came over in commentary as at most show apart from a few more semi serious super cards they would take the piss out of each other told jokes and did comedy skits, although there was a serious side as some tried to improve constantly, wither that was wrestling skills, character or just keeping a storyline saga on going.
Despite the “fame” of the UK Backyard wrestling Forum that was popularized in the UK Documentary on Backyard wrestling “Lock up your sons”. VIW mostly stayed away from it and never had any inter-feds with the English or Welsh feds. I don’t think they seen “experienced” untrained wrestlers telling other untrained wrestlers how to take moves (or bumps) correctly was the best advice to take to heart.
There was not many other Scottish backyard wrestling feds either the only ones heard of were A.W.A (Aberdeen based) and HGW (Glasgow based) and travelling was never one of VIW strengths as most of the roster failed to get their driving licenses or even attempt to gain them.

A few days before the inaugural VIW show in March 2003 Hangman and Smudge discussed what weapons they were going to use pretty much with Jackass plans scrapped it was going to be “hardcore” fed which in backyard generally means using weapons to cover up lack of wrestling ability.
they collected pretty much any disposable crap they could find in their garages by the end they had almost everything needed bats, buckets, chairs, fake blood left over from Halloween, mattress for slams and also most important the camera. But what they thought would look visually impressive as a weapon was tables. Now of course I mean the wrestling tables that are gimmicked and made so thin bodies can be slammed through them, they had no plans of borrowing the neighbours 200 quid coffee table and power-bombing each other through it and gluing it back together. These gimmick tables were out off reach and budget as a result they looked for the next best thing makeshift wrestling tables which are simply a piece of thin plywood that gets propped between two items normally chairs during a match and a wrestling move e.g. body slam; is performed through it.

Smudge and Hangman set out at 1am at night on what I believe was a Friday to find boards of wood for these makeshift tables the first place they thought to look was successful, an unoccupied house still under construction that was less than half complete, this was no excuse for stealing but they were taken the wood from a place no one would miss it (still no excuse). The house had been often used as a shortcut between Smudges house and the main road since the old residence was knocked down in the late 90s. As they poked around in the darkness (stop giggling) they managed to obtain wood (I said stop giggling) these boards 5 in total took 2 trips to haul to Hangman’s garden. On the second trip they where walking up the road to Hangman’s house carrying boards under their arms each. As they rounded the junction into the quiet road that Hangman’s house was situated, a car drove up past them, then stopped a few yards in front of them however from the area, time and location it wasn’t possible for anyone to have seen them take the lumber, not saying by any means it was quite as elaborate a heist as Ocean’s 11 but in any event all this man could see was two teenagers caring 2 boards of wood, yes it may of looked slightly suspicious but the boys shrugged it off it was none of this driver’s business. They kept on walking and the car sped off when they got a few yards closer. But then they found out it was this man’s business as Hangman and Smudge were on his road as the car pulled into the driveway at the top of the road and disappeared around a large hedge. Hangman’s neighbourhood was a nice looking area with big houses and large neat gardens however it did appear to be a slightly close-minded, closed off and very paranoid upper middle class community (maybe rightfully because now smelly thieving immature ruffian backyard wrestlers were planning an invasion) evidence one time the police were phoned and came out as Smudge had been waiting 10 minutes outside Hangman’s house on him but looked “suspicious”…I hope those people don’t go bankrupt and relocate to Mount Vernon in Stranraer they will have the police out every 15 minutes (maybe seconds)
The two boys got to the top of the road the man in the car was now at the front of his driveway this 3 houses down from Hangman’s residence with his dog glancing at them, they maybe should have said something to defuse the mans worries like a friendly hello but they just talked small with each other and carried on.
Now I will admit if the future BYW jobbers had been caring a large ladder at 1am it would of looked bad like they were intending to break in to a bedroom window however this was 2 boards of wood apart from building a very small tree-house, boarding up a broken window or slamming your mate voluntarily through it for joy it’s not much of a threat to anyone. However very suspicious of what was going on the man went to his drive way and checking out and to later knowledge probably Hangman and Smudges physical description or he may of just been a bit of a closeted bender and checking the studs out at a late hour for a deposit in the spank bank (probably kidding) the genuine paranoia of white suburbia took over, 2 teenagers with boards of wood, evil doing was afoot and he had to perform his civic duty, or face the consequences that could come, heck, society could collapse.

After dumping the final boards into Hangman’s Gallows or namely the front garden behind a tree, Hangman saying he would deal with them later, he didn’t want to carry them over the crunchy gravel make noise and risk waking his family members at that hour, They ventured back to Smudges leaving Hangman’s road the same way they had entered to cross the main road they had to cross quickly as a car was approaching up at an alarming rate at first they just assumed it was the usual Stranraer clayhole cruisers but as they looked back it was a police car zooming by probably heading out to some trouble in Leswalt. Then unexpectedly fear struck into Hangman and Smudges little hearts when the car screeched to a halt and began to reverse at the top of the avenue and headed back towards them, the car had been going way too fast to stop immediately right next to them. Smudge just said “walk”. They causally walked to the small alley (*not casual enough to whistle but casual enough*) that was only a few steps away when they got to it and knew that the officers in the car couldn’t see them they bolted. As they ran Hangman asked if there was a hiding place Smudge had to say “no” so they just sprinted taking every short cut through any gardens they could to get to Smudge’s house quicker, not climbing but vaulting over fences showing more skill than they ever did at high school P.E (or half their VIW matches) and reached Smudges house got in, locked the door tightly and put all the lights in the house out….living in the paranoid neighbourhood had rubbed of on them.
After calming down and fear flushed away they discussing what over-exaggerated claim Hangman’s neighbour may have said to the police to have them come up at such a haste (It seems reasonable to assume that it was him who phoned the police)

After about an hour or 3 Hangman left later than planned, but what was still planned was for VIW to be born. Heavy on doubt that the police could stop them especially in their own gardens, But Hangman, Smudge and soon to be assembled VIW crew would meet the police again but that my dear child is a later chapter.

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