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• Somehow, the night before, she had stumbled inside and up to her room, and then fallen on her bed to just let herself cry it out. When her tears had finally dried, she had taken a long, hot shower, then returned to her little sanctuary, and hadn't left till now - even when her brother had come by wanting to talk to her, she had pretended to be asleep. Eyes red-rimmed and puffy, she padded slowly down the stairs, slowly pulling her hair back - she didn't know he was there, or even that Fiya had been coming to borrow her brother's car. One of Siah's hoodies dwarfed her slight frame - that did little to help her forget about him, but she seemed to need the silent comfort and his subtle scent - and black lounging pants were fit to her hips. Lower lip between her teeth, she was halfway down before her gaze finally met his and her breath caught softly. She swallowed lightly and stopped, then just dropped down to sit on the step right there, confused and pained gaze on him. (NT) -- Lilah, 19:45:34 10/19/04 Tue

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• "Hey..." He murmured softly, his eyes showing his obvious anguish and lack of sleep. He didn't know how he was going to break this to her or even if he should. There was no one there who could rat him out that he knew of, no one that knew both of them.. ..he ran his hand over his head again, letting out a low breath before he looked to her again. She looked so hurt, he could hardly stand himself. (NT) -- Josiah, 19:52:57 10/19/04 Tue

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• "I'm sorry Siah..." The words escaped in a rush but her voice was nearly a whisper - she couldn't helping feeling guilty, like so much of this was her fault, and he had never signed up for a babysitting job when they got together. "I just... Don't always know what to do, or what you want me to do... And I hate feeling like I should, and like I'm such a kid for not..." She had gone over this explanatory apology so many times over the last sixteen hours or so - but it still came out disjointed, yet clear. "And then I see how you look at those other girls, and all I want is for you to look at me like that... I'm sorry..." She murmured the final 'sorry' even softer, to avoid the break in her voice - she didn't want to reinforce her immaturity by crying even more. (NT) -- Lilah, 20:00:24 10/19/04 Tue

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• He let out a ragged breath, running his hand down his face, the expression in his eyes turning to pure agony. "No...No. Stop it Lilah." He stated roughly, his voice thick with emotion that was clogged there - so unlike him. "Don't apolagize, this isn't your fault. I'm the ass here." He let out a ragged breath, biting his lip heavily. (NT) -- Josiah, 20:03:17 10/19/04 Tue

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• She frowned gently at that, the tip of her tongue running along the ridge of her top teeth as she struggled to regain her own composure, arms wrapping tightly around her legs as she shook her head. "It is though... All I want is to be who you want Siah, and you've been so good to me, and you could have any of those other girls, but you still stick by me... And you gave up so much for me, and I don't even know how to give you what you want..." Her voice broke mid-way through, but she continued anyway, desperate not to lose him, terrified that he was going to agree with her that she couldn't give him what he needed. She was trying to make him feel better and show him that she understood what was wrong with her, because she knew in her heart of hearts that that was what was going on.. (NT) -- Lilah, 20:10:01 10/19/04 Tue

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• He shook his head, his own eyes shining a little bit as he turned his head from her - his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what to say to her. He couldn't stand her being so hard on herself when he was the one who fucked up...god Darius was going to kill him. (NT) -- Josiah, 20:12:35 10/19/04 Tue

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• His silence was scaring her and the longer that he went without words, the more that she feared the worst - he had come to his senses... He wasn't ready for her or for this... Lips quivering, tears welled in her eyes and she could barely see through the blur, but she pushed off the steps and made her way down the last couple to stand infront of him, her hands twisting into his shirt at his chest - on the brink of breaking into sobs, but managing to hold her voice together as she pleaded with him. "Please Siah... Say something... Please, just give me another chance. I can do this..." (NT) -- Lilah, 20:20:41 10/19/04 Tue

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• "Don't." He growled, the word deep and almost angry - refusing to touch her. "Don't beg for me, Lilah, I am not worth it." Once she found out what he had done she'd be running up those stairs to get away from him anyways. There were no excused, he'd been tanked, he'd been angry, he'd been upset - none of it excused what he had done. He hated that he was making her so upset, those tears in her eyes were because of him and it was breaking his heart. (NT) -- Josiah, 20:27:58 10/19/04 Tue

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• "Siah..." She pleaded anyway, so desperately - he meant the world to her. He had been in her life since she was born, he'd always been around, and since the very day she stopped looking at guys like they were some completely different species, he had been the apple of her eye. Her childhood crush had developed into a deep love that they shared - or she had thought they shared - and she needed to know that he still wanted her. "Please, Josiah, don't leave me.." (NT) -- Lilah, 20:32:28 10/19/04 Tue

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• His voice was choked when he finally spoke, his fists clenched at his sides as he swallowed heavily, dropping his eyes down to meet hers. "I did something...something really dumb...Lilah..." His voice was choked and rough, his eyes red and shining even as he spoke to her then. (NT) -- Josiah, 20:35:04 10/19/04 Tue

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• She didn't get it still - perhaps somewhere deep inside she had figured it out, but her heart needed him so badly, and wanted more than anything for things to be okay that there was no way she could assume anything. "Baby... It was my fault..." She murmured, one hand still tight in his shirt, but the other raised to trail down his cheek, lovingly caressing - she thought he was still talking about the cold words they had exchanged, and it broke her heart to see the pain in his eyes. (NT) -- Lilah, 20:39:12 10/19/04 Tue

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• "It wasn't your fault Lilah, you don't understand." He hifted out of her touch, away from her hands on his form. He shifted a bit to turn from her, placing one hand on the door as he tried to compose himself - his back to her as he spoke. "Your brother pissed me off and I was already in a bad mood...I was going to leave but I was real trashed you know, I couldn't drive, and I just wanted to get more fucked up so this girl,,,,this girl I used to know..she told me she had some stuff at her place...." (NT) -- Josiah, 20:49:03 10/19/04 Tue

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• A sinking feeling twisted her stomach, but she had spent months getting over her jealously and learning to trust him, so she refused to jump to conclusions. Jaw tight and her lower lip between her teeth to stop the quivering, she touched his arm lightly, voice shaking and her fingers visibly trembling. "Look at me, Si... We've been through this so many times... You know I trust you..." (NT) -- Lilah, 20:52:28 10/19/04 Tue

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• His muscles tightened beneath her touch and he choked out the words, his voice ragged and rough. "I don't know how it happened Delilah, it just happened, I don't even remember hardly a thing..." He shook his head, swallowing hard as she bit her lip, his fingers fisting against the door. (NT) -- Siah, 21:09:43 10/19/04 Tue

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• "Oh my god..." She cried out softly but suddenly as realization hit, tears immediately spilling down her cheeks, but the sobs were pushed away as shock took her over and she pushed sharply at his shoulder. "Look at me Josiah, and tell me what she did..." She needed to hear him say it, to hear the words from his lips, in order to truly believe it. There was no room for question here - she wasn't asking him to tell her, she was telling him to, with a strength few would have expected from her. (NT) -- Lilah, 21:16:13 10/19/04 Tue

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• "She didn't do anything!" He growled as he turned around, gently pushing her away from him as he stepped back. "I did it, Lilah, do you hear me? I did it. I messed around with her, I fucked her Lilah, do you understand now why you don't want me? Do you get it?" He shook his head, running a hand over his head. He was trying to remember the night before, how he had been so angry at her, how he was convinced that she was nothing but a child with a temper.... (NT) -- Siah, 21:20:47 10/19/04 Tue

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• Her features twisted in a pained look that married hurt with disbelief and something along the lines of disgust, and as he pushed her away, her hands fisted into his shirt and she shoved at his chest - not running away, instead moving after him, only so she could push him back again. "Yeah, now I understand... You're an asshole.. You're a liar, and you used me, and you never loved me, and... And I hate you, Josiah. You hear me?" She stumbled over her words, her tears unnoticed and her voice breaking sharply - if only she could hate him... (NT) -- Lilah, 21:27:58 10/19/04 Tue

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• "Stop it." He growled, gently shifting her away from him again - he didn't want to lost his temper with her and her hitting and pushing him could lead to that. "Yeah, thats what I am ok? I understand what I damn well am, Lilah!" He shook his head with a low growl. "But I never ever used you, do you understand me? I used her . I love love you!" This couldn't be happened, he had just gotten a little messed up and then this happened. (NT) -- Siah, 21:31:24 10/19/04 Tue

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• "You don't! You don't and you never did - you don't even know what love is, or else you would never have done this to me... I loved you, Josiah, and I would have given you the world... I can't believe you." She gave him one more hard shove before recoiling away from him - she had just poured her heart out to him, and now she felt like the biggest idiot to think that he could ever have loved her... Everything around her was falling apart and she didn't know whether to scream or bawl, and for a moment she almost broke-down and did both. But she wouldn't infront of him.. (NT) -- Lilah, 21:38:02 10/19/04 Tue

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• He ran his hand down his face, taking a ragged breath before he just shook his head, clearing his throat and heading towards the door. She was in no shape to speak to him right now, she needed to calm down and he needed to dry out some still - he still felt drunk. (NT) -- Siah, 21:41:24 10/19/04 Tue

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• "Don't come back, Josiah. Get out and don't ever come back." She called after him, her voice catching sharply on the words as she lowered herself back to the steps behind her, suddenly not feeling so steady, and not so well. She loved him so bad it hurt - her chest ached physically she was afraid she might be sick, and tears still trailed down her cheeks. (NT) -- Lilah, 21:47:56 10/19/04 Tue

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• His eyes were stinging so badly he could barely see as he pushed his way through the door, making it as far as his car before he just placed his head against the steering wheel, trying to control his choked breathing. This hurt big time, he had never fucked up like this before. (NT) -- Siah, 21:50:12 10/19/04 Tue

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• She was thankful that she was sitting, because she couldn't move, couldn't think, and for a little while she thought she couldn't breathe. Her eyes squeezed painfully shut and she just wrapped her arms around herself, rocking slowly as heart-wrenching sobs shook her slender frame. She had never experienced pain like this - had never thought it was even possible to hurt so badly... (NT) -- Lilah, 21:56:40 10/19/04 Tue