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Subject: whatever it takes

Author:
Kristen

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Date Posted: 19:15:26 11/04/04 Thu
In reply to: charna 's message, "growing pains" on 15:48:44 10/26/04 Tue

Dear Charna,

Though i have not even met you I feel like i already know you from reading what you have written. You are brave to expose yourself so immediately. So many women walk through the doors of groups and courses and so few actually stay for the meat. And the hardest part, the practice that is such a clear gateway to more in life.

I must admit that when i first came around i was so miserably stuck in my story with certain men that at least three men flat out refused to have dates with me until i shaped up and got so i could at least show up and not cry hysterically. There was so much love in their refusals though that i knew it was actually serving me for them to be honest with me and tell me what their needs were and what they wanted and then i could see that i could actually have dates and clear up pretty fast and show up and get out of my stories!
I felt nothing through my whole first course! And i think even my second. I was plain numb. Now, after two and a half years of getting done, i am in orgasm all the time and it is so wonderful if i let myself feel throughout the day and drop out of storyland my body is completely orgasmic, every feeling and emotion has orgasm attached to it. Every thought can be erased and orgasm can be felt. Of course it is not this easy to erase thoughts but i know when i am willing to drop into my body that i start coming immediately.

Our bodies are so longing to be in orgasm. And it is right there, right on the other side of the invisible veil. Even when you feel like it is far away or totally stifled, it is a hair away. That was such a surprise to me to discover. I thought because i hated sex til i was 28 that i had to take years to catch up and it is not true!!

You are inspiring me to ask for more dates. I have so much resistance to it still, and i find that the resistance is because i have a story that i cannot want sex that much - it is wrong and i am slutty and it is gross and what will they think and he will think i want something else from him and he will think i want to fuck him and shit I DO! That is the scariest for me.

Thanks for opening up.
Love Kristen

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