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Subject: the experience of wanting to give

Author:
KB

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Date Posted: 12:13:26 11/13/04 Sat
In reply to: Joshua 's message, "Never Been Easier" on 22:47:00 11/11/04 Thu

:)

And I kept thinking this is where we are going to get stuck. this is where we are going to repeat the past, this is where we aren't going to be able to find one another, this is where he's not going to understand, this is where he isnt going to stay, this is where he isn't going to hold the space, this is where he is going to get farther away, this is where I'll find something to judge,

I remember the point when i remembered i had tools. I had a frame of reference. Oh i have been here before and i always forgot each time to put my attention on him, on his body when i get here. As much as i like staying stuck, it was like, ok this is the formula, move to plan A. And plan A works. Attention on you. It is so simple but yet so difficult to do, at least it used to be so difficult to do. This time it was not. It was like, oh yeah, when i get to here do "A". And it is the way out.

And then there was this -Oh! This is a new place, oh we're still here together, oh weird we're even closer, oh we were far away but oh now were not, oh i dont have to ask if i make sense and oh it doesnt matter that i stop and share my thoughts and feel nothing for a while, and oh it just got way better and oh we just got way closer and oh my god my clit is a doorway into infinity and this us here together feels so good and so like you said easy...and from beginning to end it was this experience of not only not judgeing you but just genuinely caring about you.

And just wanting to give.
And that is new. And there is so much more where it comes from. This is what i am most grateful for today.
K

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