The Opening -- Welcome to the II Chatboard

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Subject: The Opening

Author:
DJ

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Date Posted: 13:18:56 06/21/04 Mon

I thought I would post some initial thoughts on the course last Saturday. First, I am pleased to be able to say that I was a participant in the first course at OneTaste. I think that is accurate. If not, feel free to burst my bubble.

Second, this course scared me more than any other. To have oneself held up in the mirror of another's perception is, at least for me, intimidating. I think we all like to think that we are perceived as we perceive ourselves. To discover that is not so, is very unnerving. It provokes me to ask who I am and why do I think I am what I think I am. It also forces me to ask why do others think I am what they think I am. Rarely do we ask ourselves why we play the games we play. Even more rarely does the inquiry go beyond facile answers. So, I had my misgivings. In the back of my mind was the question, do I really want them to see me? The companion question was, do I really want to know how they see me?

Still, I thought that if the goal is intimacy, more connection and more insight into who I am, then I had to jump into deep waters and take the risk. I expected from the comments of those who had experienced it before that it would be draining. It was. I left exhausted. But, as is often the case, one floats better in deeper waters. So, it didn't devastate me or make me feel the victim. I thought I survived it quite well. I thought my experience was far less traumatic than others. Maybe that was because I didn't receive the comments as clearly as I should or maybe I was treated gently for fear that I had a lesser tolerance. I don't know, and right now it doesn't seem to matter. I can say I am still digesting many of them.

I can't say, as of this post, that I have experienced any dramatic change such as awakening a different man. But, then again, I can't that I have not. Perhaps the changes are far more subtile. Time will tell. What I do know is that I was able to see you beyond the niceties of social behavior. We all became to a very real extent emotionally naked. It takes a great deal of trust to do that. Such trust does not come easy for me. I also know that I left feeling I knew you better and loved you more. What is most reassuring is that I also felt you loved me. You fools!

Now some have noted, and others will now note, that ending this post with gratuitous humor is, as one person described, a bit of a disclaimer. I am at a loss to deny that. Having experienced the course, I must acknowledge one of my games. But really, if I suddenly became this completely transparent being without any games, wouldn't you all just want to neuter me?

I enjoyed the course and being with all of you.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Neuter you....never!	Elana	01:24:20 06/22/04 Tue
My first time! -- Carl, 13:23:41 06/22/04 Tue By the way -- Carl, 17:06:59 06/22/04 Tue