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Subject: 5 days and counting

Author:
Rock

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Date Posted: 13:46:41 07/01/04 Thu

I have been living in the Annex for 5 days now - and it feels really good to be there. I am enjoying the intimacy I am experiencing in getting to know all of my house-mates, as well as those in the other community homes. I am continually surprised by the generosity of everyone, whether it be offering me a cup of coffee or arranging a ride to and from work. Everyone has united to have me there and I feel extremely grateful to be so well taken care of. I also want to acknowledge how wonderful it is to have playmates that are interested and willing to play at that level of interaction and exploration that so turns me on. Yeah! Oh, and the concerns I had around having my space and privacy have not been an issue - and I am finding I need less and less of that over time. I truly can have it the way I want it.

Okay now with all of that said � let me also share what is coming up for me. I am experiencing fears around being consumed by the group. It kind of feels like the feeling of getting on a ride, being strapped in and then 5 minutes later thinking �I want to get off� but not being able to. It totally plays into my commitment issues � and yes, I know, I know it�s the whole surrender thing. Either way I admit I am having a hard time with it. I also know I have created a story around not getting what I want if I stay. I mean if I want a long term relationship, marriage and children, will being so tied into this community some how prevent me from having it. Oy, do you see how my overactive brain works. So, I sit with my muck and I let it all come to the surface for examination.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
having a girlfriend	kristen	22:05:08 07/03/04 Sat