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Date Posted: 18:39:28 12/12/08 Fri
Author: MABVN
Subject: Well here it goes...an update and a little whining...

Ok so they got me in shock therapy now...i can't remember what they really call it...but it still hurts like hell. I have nerve pain shooting down the back of my right arm and across the left shoulder blade and the front of the collar bone on the left. On the right hand it goes all the way down to the pinky and thumb. It feels like a rubber band getting stretched to its breaking point. I have no idea what is going on here, isn't surgery supposed to fix problems not cause more? they gave me until june and they said if by then I am still having the arms go numb and hurting that I can hang up guitar playing. I am trying to scramble and play as many minutes a day I can to try and stave it off but I know it is losing battle...I am not going to win this battle. I figure it is pretty much over and the 30 years i put into learning the damn instrument is gone. Yeah everyone has a love ONCE in their life mine was music. Funny how the docs and friends tell you how to fix this and that with this and that but when the depression sits in and they give you the crappy news that made you depressed in the first place they all dissapear and you are left to deal with it alone. tins units, shock therapy, pill after pill after pill, patch after patch after patch, the insurance breathing down your neck trying to get you to say something to screw yourself over, the bills, the pain...OH MAN THE PAIN. the loss of the one thing in your life that made you happy. I have had relationships, some good, some bad...like everyone but music...music was all mine...me and her spent countless hours pouring over problems and coming up with answers and writing about lost love and helping people, hurting people, bitching about politics, raving about everything else under the sun, riffs, grooves, speed, dexterity, technique, scales, notes, chords, modes and still there was no end to her voice I could never find an end until now and the guitars are silent for once in my life and I know they will never see the light of day again. Hell I can't even type this my hands are so numb have to keep correcting. Well doc where is the magic pill or patch for this? No one got me prepared for this...no one. I wasn't a great musician but damnit I was good and that is the FIRST time in my life I have ever uttered those words. I guess now I sit on the porch in my rocking chair and try to get people to believe I was actually kind of somebody once. Oh and I can not go back to my job either so now I have to start looking for new work. I can't studio engineer anymore and I can't play so what the hell am i gonna do? Got a pill for that? Let's put more bolts, pins and screws in to fix it.

Whew! I don't feel better btu atleast I can quit typing now.

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