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Date Posted: 01:04:16 06/19/07 Tue
Author: Max
Subject: Re: For what it's worth
In reply to: darkling 's message, "I shall slay the beast" on 15:53:39 06/14/07 Thu

Heya Darkling...

Maybe you think not having a direction is somewhat of a curse eh? Well, yeah... it is. And it isn't. Allow me to give you my take on it.

You're feeling desperate because you know you have something... something inside that is beautiful and whole and you want to give to the world, but you can't quite put your finger on it. Some days one thing feels right and then next week... you wonder what in the hell you were thinking? You feel like you're caught in a backwash whirlpool... spinning and almost free and then back to the middle again, going nowhere... when all you really want to do is cut it to the bone and know with certainty what your purpose is.

I understand very well what you are going through.

The people that you envy who know what they are and what they were made to do,.. Yes, they are lucky. They do what they do so well that they seem born to their tasks. They seem at ease and there is no sign of struggle in their faces. Their eyes are clear and open. They seem to be another breed of human with gifts you feel you do not possess.

Sure, some of these people are, indeed, way ahead of the rest of us. They just have the right genes and had the right support to nuture their potential in their environment. Yet... many... too many, although they might seem smarter or quicker than you, are not really that deep. I know many people who excel in their fields, but are not soul searching pilgrims looking for any deeper truths. They never even bother to look inside. If their minds were rivers you wouldn't get your ankles wet if you walked across. They're good at what they do, but inside, they are empty.

Darkling, the only pearl of wisdom I can offer you is to accept that right now, your purpose in life is to find your place. If that means changing your job every 6 months, then do it. If it means having only one pair of shoes in your closet, then do it. If it means leaving everything that is known, then do it. The only way to grow is to try new things in new environments until you get it right. Everyone who is good at something was first very bad at it. A person who falls over and over and over... trying with her whole heart... will know an indomitable strength when victory finally comes.

Keep in mind too... that nothing will ever be totally perfect. There is no such place.

Remember, your uncertainty is a gift.



>My body really really doesn't like it when I'm working
>at an unfufilling job. It's in cahoots with the rest
>of me I think. I'm sleeping 12 hours a day when I can
>just to freaking maintain. I know I know, spelling.
>grrr. Me no likey job. me kill it dead. I think I
>should be looking around a bit for awhile. Get out
>before I go completely bonkers and start making
>customers into burgers. I haven't been this angry in
>awhile. I still have no idea what I want to do or
>where I want to be. Right now I just know I'm
>screaming NO at the current situation. People with
>direction are lucky. They get to say, "so where will
>we go today?" and they answer themselves, "Over there!
>hooray!" and they go. I get to play warmer/colder.
>WTF!?! grrr. Maybe I'm just tired and cranky. I'll
>find it though. If I just keep looking, I'll find it.
>Or it'll find me. I hope that day is soon.
>
> Much love, much *hugs*, and a brand new bad attitude,
> ~The Darkling~

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