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Date Posted: 09:51:09 08/20/07 Mon
Author: Mikki
Author Host/IP: 24-247-174-179.dhcp.bycy.mi.charter.com / 24.247.174.179
Subject: Update

So much has happened in the last month. I am barely hanging on sometimes. My DBT group at UM helps me keep myself in check, but there are times that I just want to act out and get drunk and run away. What Sarah did by running away to NYC to meet someone on the internet killed me emotionally. 5 days of pure fear. I called the police in New York and here, and was told that she is 18 and there is nothing I can do. When she came home, she moved out. She sometimes stays here too.......but I really miss her being around. Then losing Mr. Al......I cry everyday. I see him everywhere. Mike and I buried his ashes yesterday. I still had Pennys ashes too, so we buried them both. I said a prayer for each of them, and now they are really gone. I buried them next to Duke. I made a garden stone for all three of them as a marker. I want a new kitten, and I have found one I want, and Mike is being an ass and not letting me have one. Last I looked it was my house too. But he lives here too.....so in all fairness I have to listen to him.

I had my evaluation at work Friday, and I got knocked for not being organized. What????????? I told her she was wrong and although I can't do the job like supertechs Carolyn and Martha, I still get my work done. I wanted to blame the bipolar, and the amount of meds I take in the morning,.....it'a amazing I show up in the morning. But I wasn't going to let the bipolar take the blame. I may not be as organized in Chemistry as others, but I am organized in Hematology and Blood Bank. I disputed her evaluation. That will cause me to not get a raise this year. We are on a pay for performance system. I am just so mad.

I put on a face all the time.....but underneath I have this seething anger just under the surface just waiting to explode. I am going to Florida next week to get away from here. Going to see my best friend Kim like I do every year.

My former therapist got served in my lawsuit. Nothing made me more happier than to have him to try to call me 5 times.....home phone, cell phone and work. All I said is it's out of my hands now, and it would be a good idea to find an attorney. Nothing like a patient scorned.

Say a prayer for me.......death seems so inviting.

Love, Mikki

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