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Date Posted: 09:16:17 12/03/06 Sun
Author: Richard
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 206.135.142.221
Subject: Life is so strange...

…well, maybe it is that I am so strange. Maybe the word <span style="font-weight:600; font-style:italic">different</span> would be more Richard friendly. I have not been able to feel much joy in my purchase of my new home or of my purchase of my newer <strike>used car</strike>, oops… pre-owned car. When I did my first load of laundry in my laundry room, it made it feel a bit like home. That was cool. I had a 2002 Ford Focus that I most liked: more than any vehicle in the past. Now I have 2005 Ford focus (SES ZX-4). This one has more features than the last. It is more zippy, smoother riding, nicer looking. It even has seat warmers. It was 26 degrees f this morning. All I had to do is point the ‘auto-start’ remote to start and warm my new car. Even the seat was warm. Until yester morning, I just did not feel the joy that I would have thought I would be feeling. Issues at hand, I think, were trust, not feeling worthy of all this, fear as this is too good to be true, and so on. Yester morning, I met with my old therapist Robin. I sure do share Love with Robin. I just cannot picture me giving up my personal space to live with someone. However, with Robin I would make an exception. We would have that comfortable friendly loving relationship. Anyway, meeting with Robin is such a good feeling thing that it triggered my joy in my new home ownership and new car. If my joy ever matched the intensity of the misery of my past life prior to 10 or 20 years ago… my heart would pop! I am most fortunate, indeed… most. I still have my serious life threatening medical condition, my chronic clinical depression and anxiety, but I am in a better place than I ever have been. I sure wish the same for all of you, if not now, in the near future. My ability to feel joy just needed to be triggered. So weird.

<center><img src="http://www.richarddw.net/art/difficulties.gif"></center>

RICHARD

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