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Date Posted: 04:04:32 01/01/07 Mon
Author: Rhonda k (YOU KEEP ME STRONG)
Author Host/IP: d207-216-214-186.bchsia.telus.net / 207.216.214.186
Subject: MUH...LOL...well, quietly chuckling
In reply to: Richard 's message, "A bit of bitchin'... and good stuff too" on 03:20:41 01/01/07 Mon

There is you, Gemmy, Dave, Hope, Sandy...Mikki...you all keep me strong..but you...really make me try harder...

I am alone right now...on my computer, want to walk into the kitchen..take a knife..go into the bathroom and just stop all this PAIN...but I have a husband...and he does love me soooo much..and I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter...and she can't sleep until she had a handful of my hair...and I smile...and she laughs and she tells me she loves me so much...

And...I think of jumping off that bridge...taking all my pills...

Somebody...please tell me...it would be ok..to leave! 23 years...I have lived with depression...23 years..I have wanted to die..tried..twice..lived..have been so afraid to try again..because..seeing my mom's face once after an attempt..was enough..to scare me into living???!!!! Is there really a reason we survive...I should have died..doctors said..I should never have recovered and if at the least..should have some braind and tissue damage....and yet..nothing..brain..still functional..soft tissue organs..still healthy...who is watching????

I am just venting..wondering...screaming inside my mind...

Other than that..still here...

Rhonda

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