VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, [5], 6, 7, 8 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 12:24:55 11/24/06 Fri
Author: Mikki
Author Host/IP: 24-180-81-45.dhcp.bycy.mi.charter.com / 24.180.81.45
Subject: I'm home now --read if you are ok

Just got home this morning......my insurance ran out. I was admitted to UM all this week. My doc said that I needed more intensive care. I underwent a series of procedures called Transcranial Magnetic stimulation. It works similar to ECT (which I refused to go through again). You lay in an MRI machine, and they shoot you with magnetic energy and it is supposed to correct what is wrong in the brain without the horrible seizures and side effects of ECT. UM is the only hospital in the state that does this procedure. Plus my doc is continuing with the chemotherapy.. I have a pic line in, and he injects a liquid form of a medicine I wear the rest of the week as a patch. So far.....I'm ok. I was second to second on the 25th. I couldn't handle it anymore. My head was screaming at me to do it. I had everything planned. My funeral is planned and paid for, I made a movie for my family, and wrote an advance directive to let me die when they found me. I have a medicine that would kill me instantly, but after taking all my meds, I fell asleep before I could do it. I was scared to die.....so I wanted to be almost out of it when I did it. Port Huron Police found me before I injected myself. I guess that is a godsend huh? Played the game in the hospitals......told doc I was ok so he would let me out....still planning on doing it the minute they let me go. I was raped by a schizophrenic in the middle of the night.....on the same day that I was raped 22 years ago in college. PTSD took over...Mike jumped in and got me out of there, it was horrible. I am suing the hospital, I got a lawyer and it will go to federal court. I also filed criminal charges and my case is in the prosecutors office now. I attempted again on Saturday, right after the big game. I was transferred to UM right away.

I couldn't do it anymore. My family all blew up at Thanksgiving yesterday. Sarah went off on my mom about all that has been bothering me...her especially. I'm glad I wasn't there....Mom hates mike and started going off on him when he wasn't there and Sarah lost it. I am so proud of her.

I have to go back to work next week or I lose my job. My supervisor told me she will put me in an easy job so I won't get stressed too bad, I think I will feel better if I just get back to a normal life. It will be hard at first, but my medicine is working, and the suicidal thoughts are gone. I just have to wait aabout all the stuff at the hospital and prosecutors office. I have to deal with my PTSD, and I found a support group to help me with that. I am hypervigilant right now, no one can come near me, I have a hard time sleeping in the same bed with Mike because every time he tries to hold me in the middle of the night, I scream. Not good for intimacy ya know?

Dave, it was really important for me to have Sarah post that song to you. I'm sorry for everything we have been through, and I didn't want to die without apologizing to you. You are my best friend, you were the love of my life, and thank you for the nice voice mail message you left for me. I heard it this morning.

Well that is what has been happening. Thank you for your caring and support. I am second to second right now, but hopefully will be feeling better soon.

Love, Mikki

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.