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Date Posted: 17:42:05 09/22/06 Fri
Author: Richard
Author Host/IP: adsl-75-46-226-35.dsl.sfldmi.sbcglobal.net / 75.46.226.35
Subject: I am not doing so well at the moment... maybe?

The receptionist at the hospital unit I go to referred me to this realtor broker. I came to like the broker quickly after meeting her in her well-to-do home. She has a few degrees in the realtor business. We were to look at some condos together this afternoon. She called as early as last evening to verify the meeting today at 1:00 p.m. I got to her house and some kind of young woman assistant. The broker’s husband a realtor ended up showing me the condos. The husband could not give a plausible excuse for the brokers absence. I already of have some misgivings about this condo thing. All the listings she has sent me via e-mail are really just apartment called condos. My idea of a condo is a side by side house kinda a place. The broker is showing me listing that are about a half hour drive from my hospital. Now, I don’t have time drink a mug of coffee on the way to the hospital.

But all those misgivings aren’t what got me in a bad way. Maybe they are a underlying thing or a ‘set me up’ thing for disappointment. For the last day or so, I have been most nervous with the idea of spending a couple of hours with her. My old self still haunts me. I fear it will rear up its ugly head and get me in trouble again with some I like. It was her absence without any kind of word from her that has triggered me. My body is hurting now anyway. I was leery of taking my pain med (Vicodin) because I wasn’t sure I was taking it for my body pain. But my head and the very small of my back got bad enough that I did take a Vicodin. But I am so very depressed. Normally, gloomy weather isn’t gloomy to me. I like cloudy dark day… well not too many in a row anyway. But, at the moment it seem much gloomy to me. I decided not to go up to coffee house to escape. I seem agitated now too. It is best to stay away from people. My one cat is getting on my nerve with one of his annoying behaviors were usually it does not. I am bless that I can recognize this now so I won’t mistreat him… just yell at him a little, which works. Considering how they play fight… yelling at him is nothing.

Jeez… I hope the broker is okay. Her father is in a bad way medically. But her husband says she is dealing with that okay.

God, I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and never come back out. This hurts. I have faith… barely… this too shall pass… it just don’t seem like though.

Thanks for listening<br><img src="http://www.richarddw.net/art/gaze-richard2.gif">

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