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Date Posted: 01:27:12 05/23/06 Tue
Author: gem
Author Host/IP: h135.151.141.67.ip.alltel.net / 67.141.151.135
Subject: I fell apart Friday and Sat.

I just lost it for some reason. A blubbering mess.

Then stupid me, trusted someone, who I thought was a friend
and I told her about going to the hospital --cause my husband took me there, cause he was scared I'd hurt myself.

Well any-hoo, I told her about it, per email, thinking she'd understand. She'd told me her mother was schizophrenic like mine, (used to be)- so I thought maybe she'd understand. (???)??

Well, she just blasted me in a email and said, I needed professional help and I needed to talk to God! Well, I was like...."What the?"

So I emailed her b ack and said, "Sorry, sorry I bugged you, thought you'd understand." I didn't realize until too late.....that she's not that type of person to understand. (Too late, I understand).

Then, the kid, that used to email me, I see him, emailing this other girl and wooing her with his words and telling her how much he loves her, and I felt sick to my stomach seeing this. I didn't want to know this girl, she just found me, (by accident). I'm wondering?

At any rate, she goes on and on how wonderful this (kid) is. I'm thinking "Yeh honey, till you bore him."

Though I wanted to tell her about him, I didn't. It's not my place and I have enough in my own life to deal with.

So I guess, I've had alot of my plate so to speak, besides the regular day to day stressors in life.

The only good thing, was........I'm finding out, though I did fall apart and they gave me a valium at the hospital and then sent me home. You know ..how wonderful meds can be? Well, at any rate, I find out, just how much my hubby does love me. I just felt bad, that I had sorta to find out the hard way --,sometimes. Feel like an (ass)--a jerk, so to speak.

Your all right. Sometimes, I think people are going to care and they don't....or they get really freaked out by (who I am).......or the fact, that I have so much emotion to give and to share. I write poetry and stories and I pour 1/2 of my soul into them. Then the other day, someone says to me......"Your the sweetest person I've ever met." That was at work.

"I'm thinking, lady you don't know the 1/2 of it." I give 1/2 my soul out to strangers and those, who often cut me with a knife later. Then I bleed. I've come to the conclusion, I am too trusting......too naive when it comes to the world.

Well, at any rate, that's what happened to my weekend and then I had to work the next day, and I felt like crap all this week and I have an ear infection on top of it. It's not easy.

I just wished, sometimes, a little angel could come down, and just give me something "good", or the self-confidence to speak up sometimes, when people hurt me..........instead I go into a hole and hide the pain.......which is often so unbearable.

Yeh, well tomarrow is my birthday and I really don't even care. Just a day older.

Thanks for listening, it's nice to know I can come here and not be judged.

Gem

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