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Date Posted: 15:53:06 05/11/01 Fri
Author: Janira
Subject: Can't stand these doubts....

Hi Elisha! I really need some good advice.. I mean, it's really urgent. It's a bit of a long story, so I hope u don't mind..
So, I've been going out with my bf for 8 months now and since day 1 I've absolutely adored him - I mean, he's everything I've ever wished for. But at the beginning of our relationship we had a problem. Some six months before we started dating, he had dated a friend of mine for a few weeks, but they didn't last long cause he had been very busy and couldn't possibly spare any of his time for her. So she left him, and now she's been going out with this really sweet guy for over a year now... However, a week after we started dating was the birthday of this ex-gf of his, and he sent her a letter. My bf only told me about this letter some 2 weeks after it was written, and he said that it only contained thankful messages. But later I got to know from a good friend of mine who'd seen the letter (cause his ex-gf had apparently been showing it to all our friends)that the letter was actually a love-letter, telling his ex-gf that he still loved her and that they were born to be together. But my bf insisted that all my friends, including his ex-gf had misinterpreted the letter, and that they were twisting facts to ruin our relationship. I wanted to believe my bf, and in fact I took his side instead of listening to my friends and read the letter. I told my bf that I wouldn't read the letter as a matter of principle cause I totally trusted him, but inside I was shattered and tormented by this doubt. This doubt that after all my friends were right kept haunting me, and some 4 months ago,I was in my bf's room alone, and found a copy of the letter he'd sent on his computer, and I read it...
I cried when I realised the horrible truth. He'd asked his ex-gf to forgive him for not finding time for her when they were together, he told her that he still loved her, and that they were born to be together... After reading the letter, I had to control my emotions, cause my bf was due to return home soon. I never told him I read the letter, cause I didn't want to get into a closed case once again, I knew it would be painful. Whenever we remember of that incident, my bf tells me that the letter he'd written doesn't have any sense, cause with her actions, his ex-gf had made him get to hate her-according to him, by exposing the letter in public she wanted to revenge herself against him. Now the friends I had before don't trust me with their personal lives anymore, we don't share the intimate secrets and gossip we used to.. I feel as if I've hurt them by not wanting to believe their version but believed my bf instead. I can live without friends, cause my bf has turned out to be my best friend, to whom I can tell anything. The problem now is that I can't understand why he sent such a letter to his ex-gf once he was already going out with me, I can't understand what was the purpose of his lying to me about the content of the letter, and above all, I want to know whether I can trust him now when he says that I'm everything for him... I can tell by everything he does that he loves me, but I can't help fearing that he'll lie to me again someday... How can I stop these doubts from destroying me? How can I tell him that I've actually read the letter and that I've been hiding him my knowing the truth for all this time? Please help me, cause I don't wanna lose him!!!!!!

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