| Subject: omg! LOL,I am feeling saner all the time here lol! |
Author:
kala
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Date Posted: 03:54:16 06/27/02 Thu
Author Host/IP: NoHost/149.99.203.95
In reply to:
Fractious
's message, "Darwin Award Nominees are out" on 11:54:27 06/26/02 Wed
>These get scarier and scarier every year. As an
>aside, does anyone see a trend here? Eight to one
>seems somewhat higher than the laws of chance.
>You all know about the Darwin Awards - It’s an annual
>honour given to the person who did the gene pool the
>biggest service by killing themselves in the most
>extraordinarily stupid way. Last year’s winner was the
>fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled
>over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free
>soda out of it.
>
>And the nominees are:
>
>9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
>getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with
>which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not
>surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he
>vomited into the fireplace in his house. This
>resulting explosion and fire burned his house down,
>killing both him and his sister.
>
>8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement
>of his home died of suffocation, according to police.
>He was approximately 6’2” tall and weighed 225 pounds.
>He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
>white saddle shoes, and a woman’s wig. It appeared
>that he was trying to create a schoolgirl’s uniform
>look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had
>the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached
>in its place. The other end of the hose was connected
>to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12” long
>and 3” in diameter. The tube’s other end was inserted
>into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause
>of his suffocation. Police found the task of
>explaining the circumstances of his death to his
>family very awkward.
>
>7. Three Brazilian men who were flying in a light
>aircraft at low altitude when another plane
>approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
>occupants of the other plane, but lost control of
>their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found
>dead in the wreckage with their pants around their
>ankles.
>
>6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call.
>She had no details before arriving, except that
>someone had reported that his father was not
>breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man
>face down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over
>to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed
>burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance
>arrived and removed the man - who was declared dead on
>arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer
>inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had
>made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the
>couch over, they discovered what had caused his death.
>Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his penis
>between the cushions, down into the hole and between
>two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed,
>for obvious reasons). According to the story, after
>his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the
>sanders, electrocuting him.
>
>5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car
>on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree,
>seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself.
>As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
>qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the
>fact that the driver’s attention had been distracted
>by her Tamagotchi key ring (pocket animal), which had
>started urgently beeping for food as she drove along.
>In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the
>Tamagotchi’s life, the woman lost her own.
>
>4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after
>he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a
>70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said
>Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
>these straps together, wrapped one end around one
>foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake
>Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
>Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
>think Barcia was alone because his car was found
>nearby. “The length of the cord that he had assembled
>was greater than the distance between the trestle and
>the ground” Carmichael said. Police say the apparent
>cause of death was “Major trauma”.
>
>3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
>seems that he and a friend were playing a game of
>catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -
>no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
>hospitalised.
>
>2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
>noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management
>evacuated the building extinguishing all potential
>sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the
>building had been evacuated, two technicians from the
>gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the
>building, they found they had difficulty navigating in
>the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights
>worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of
>the technicians reaching into his pocket and
>retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette
>lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object,
>the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of
>it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the
>technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched
>by the explosion. The technician suspected of
>causing the blast had never been thought of as
>‘bright’ by his peers.
>
>And this year’s Darwin Award goes to....
>
>1. Based on a bet by the other members of his golf
>foursome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own
>“balls” in a ball washer at the local golf course.
>Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a
>bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer
>and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his
>dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning
>the crank on the machine with Sanchez’s scrotum in
>place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism.
>Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
>collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately
>for Sanchez, the height off the ground of the ball
>washer was more than a foot higher than his testicles
>are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the
>weakest link. Sanchez’s scrotum was ripped open during
>the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him
>forever and remained in the ball washer, while the
>other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was
>pulled between the housing of the washer and the
>rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury,
>Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just
>purchased from the pro-shop, and was using to balance
>himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for
>surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to
>leave the course.
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