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Date Posted: 15:28:07 10/02/04 Sat
Author: Kátia
Subject: Re: Task 2
In reply to: revised Essay- Patrícia Médice 's message, "Re: Task 2" on 13:05:51 09/29/04 Wed

WHAT IS YOUR TITLE?

INDENT PARAGRAPHS
(FUNNEL INTRODUCTION)
The act of learning is a difficult task but so enjoyable in so far as (NOT ENGLISH) we can understand exactly what it (TWO SUBJECTS) was taught. In spite of the hard work and much patience, which we spend learning (THAT IT TAKES FOR US TO LEARN) new issues whatever the topic is, certainly we improve more and more as in the logical capacity as in our personality (WHAT DO YOU MEAN?).
According to the experts in the field, books, websites, and other resources (THESE CAN BE OMITTED), in the majority of (MOST) educational institutions, the learning process must (IS IT OBLIGATION THAT YOU WANT?) continue to use like (OMIT) a standard system by the educators (WHERE IS THE PASSIVE?); that is, all of the (OMIT) issues must be taught in(OMIT) the same way for all the (OMIT) students (TRY THE PASSIVE HERE), without worrying about their differences like: different (IN TERMS OF) cultures and (USE A COMMA INSTEAD) religions, different ways of how each one was educated by his or her parents(UPBRINGING), different(OMIT) ages and (USE A COMMA INSTEAD) abilities (OR) levels.
But the success of learning something(OMIT) certainly depends on, first of all, our wish to do it and an appropriated education(TEACHING) method to our learning (OMIT), which allow (CONCORD) us “to expand our capabilities to understand complexity, clarify vision and improve mental models”(SENGE, 1990). But it is almost impossible because the majority of schools in the whole world have not been worried about the personal (INDIVIDUAL) differences between their students(OMIT) and mainly the different ways of learning. In general, the syllabuses of these institutions are always similar, unless totally equal to each other. Although, according to Pat Burke Guild this situation has changed: (FRAGMENT)
“The personal and professional experiences of educators provide constant evidence that style differences exist and that they affect many aspects of learning and teaching each day.”
Along the text, we will approach the studies, which have been developed by the researchers (ALL OF THEM??) in the learning and teaching field, present how the two kinds of education method influence on(OMIT) the learning process of the learners(OMIT).
(I GUESS THE ABOVE SENTENCE IS YOUR THESIS STATEMENT. HOWEVER, IN THE PARAGRAPHS THAT FOLLOW YOU HAVE NOT MENTIONED HOW THE TWO METHODS INFLUENCE THE LEARNING PROCESS)

(DEVELOPMENT
THE UNIFORMITY METHOD)
The first one is the uniformity method, which has been used in the majority (OF) educational institutions, where the students have learned the same issues in the same way like in the olden times, and the syllabuses have not changed for a long time (RUN ON SENTENCE). So the impression that we have is (THAT)the (OMIT) time stopped, because the materials, which have been used, are the same all the time, they have not updated by the educators (WHERE IS THE PASSIVE?). Remembering that the personal differences have not been taking into account, so the learners have to adapt themselves to this education method, where we can not find the alternative learning ways whose process could be more successfully for our learning improvements.(RUN ON SENTENCE)

(THE DIVERSITY METHOD)
And finally(OMIT) the second one (SPECIFY) is the diversity method, which is a recently studied topic because of the needs of finding an alternative method that replace the present one. But the(OMIT) researchers have had some problems: the values and all the knowledge developed during these years. How can we change the education method without missing them? Like said Pat Burke Guild (YEAR: PAGE NUMBER):
“The need to address the balance between uniformity and diversity is urgent because the current imbalance is consistently damaging to many learners and teachers. The emphasis on uniformity is a serious disadvantage for students whose culture has taught them behaviors and beliefs that are different from the norms of the majority culture most often emphasized in schools.” (FORMATTING)
So, the educational institution, which uses this new education method, has to be careful because it must create a syllabus, (RESTRICTIVE RELATIVE CLAUSE) which keep (CONCORD) the important things (SPECIFY) of the present method and encourage the educators “to develop a deep understanding of individual differences in learning”. (GUILD, 2004)
YOUR DEVELOMENT IS TOO SHORT COMPARED TO YOUR INTRODUCTION

CONCLUSION
While (TRY ANOTHER LINK) the uniformity method is being used, many learners prefer to keep in this conservative situation (SPECIFY) instead of looking for (AN)other educational institution, which has an education method appropriated to their needs. Even though we have difficult to find this place, we can not give-up and keep looking for (ADD OBJECT), because certainly it will be worthwhile.

IN YOUR CONCLUSION YOU DID NOT PARAPHRASE YOUR THESIS STATEMENT, NOR DID YOU SUMMARISE YOUR ESSAY. YOU’VE BROUGHT IN ANOTHER TOPIC.

AS HAVE MENTIONED SOME AUTHORS YOU MUST INCLUDE THE BIBLIOGRAPHY YOU USED.

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