Subject:  Re: Support desperately needed! |
Author:
Deb
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Date Posted: 07:19:58 12/15/04 Wed
In reply to:
fran
's message, "Support desperately needed!" on 06:17:52 12/15/04 Wed
>Ok, I'm a bit messed up at the moment. The 12-step
>programme i go to says that the first step is to admit
>you've got a problem, so this is what i'm doing. I'm
>doing it here because it's the only place i feel safe
>- where people have been there and know what i'm
>talking about. I've been bulimic for 13 years, on and
>off, but most of that time i've managed to keep enough
>control to function. The past month or so, though,
>i've completely lost that control. I'm constantly
>either fasting or binging, and i'm throwing up
>absolutely everything i consume - even diet coke. I
>just can't stand having anything in my stomach. I was
>at the top of my healthy weight band, but i've lost
>over 2 stone in the past month (a stone = 14 lbs).
>I'm not saying this to encourage anyone in their ed -
>i'm just really scared about how my control and
>ability to function has been affected. I got in my
>car the other day, and didn't have a clue how to drive
>it. And my CPN has started making comments about how
>horrible the local ed ward is... I even did something
>i haven't done for months - went on the net to find
>pro-ed sites. In the past my eating has swung from
>one extreme to te other, but the trends have never
>lasted long enough to become a problem. i suppose
>what i'm saying is that i just need a bit of support
>and someone to say 'actually, i've been there and
>survived'. I believe i will always have disordered
>eating habits, but i don't want it to be the most
>important thing in my life, like it is now. Anyway,
>sorry for the length - i hope someone reads it.
>fran
>(btw - any cutters out there - i've found a brilliant
>way of replacing the pain - buy an epilator! it works
>for me)
Fran, you just completely described me and what I went through before I entered the hospital 3 years ago for inpatient treatment. I couldn't keep a thing down, even liquids and I understand that feeling of not wanting ANYTHING at all in my stomach. I couldn't even keep things down when I did try. I'm 5'7" and my weight plummeted to under 100 lbs. I couldn't think straight and my daily funtioning was a disaster. I cried constantly and when I wasn't crying I was having mood swings and was angry all the time. I finally "gave in" and surrendered to the fact that I needed hospitalization before I died.
You are by no means alone in what you're feeling, going through and thinking. As terrible as things feel right now, please remember that you're acknowledging you no longer can control this and you're doing the absolute right and appropriate thing by seeking help. Taking that as a first step is enormous and I'm very proud of you for doing so. You should be proud of yourself, too for wanting a better life than what living with an ED controlling you has to offer.
I incorporate some of the 12 steps in AA into my recovery daily. I find that helps me. I don't always succeed but I don't stop trying. When you fail to try, that's when you truly fail. So keep at it and speak up anytime you need support. We all do.
You also have my email addresses ~ feel free to email me anytime you want to talk more at length about anything or if you just need someone to listen. I'll be thinking of you, my friend.
Love,
Deb
ps-It doesn't seem possible, but it really DOES get better!
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