Subject:  Re: THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! |
Author:
lara
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 17:35:39 09/18/04 Sat
In reply to:
lara
's message, "THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!" on 17:27:22 09/18/04 Sat
Beckie is now planning on coming every weekend...
She really has missed me?!? I think that seeing eachother is going to be really good for both of us. We might just become "social"! lol.
life just is full of surprises.
lara
>As you all must have noticed from my post, I had a
>mental breakdown...
>After posting I emailed my friend Beckie. The thing
>is she knows me–I don't need to explain myself to
>her–she knows my history. Beckie and I met in the
>hospital 6 years ago... We hadn't seen eachother in
>over 5 yrs., but now that we are both at school
>(me=sophmore in college, her=just started law school)
>we are so-- close to eachother. So, we had been
>planning to get together. Still, we were both anxious
>of the other's reaction to our current situations with
>our EDs, and body weights... Anyway, she called me
>that night–I was falling apart– and we talked... I
>haven't beent alking to anyone; she hasn't been
>either. And it was just what I needed:Someone that
>wasn't going to judge, someone that just knows...
>
>She changed her plans and came to visit me yesturday.
>It helped so much. I feel "better." She was doing
>really well until recently. She is starting to
>restrict again, but she is conscious of it. I am still
>struggling as I have been...
>
>Anyway, thank you all for your advice...
>I talked to the head chef today about my situation,
>and he was so understanding. He urged me to keep doing
>the group! I also ate in the cafeteria (with everone
>staring) and I survived!
>
>love you all,
>I was really falling apart,
>thank you,
>lara
>He urged me to keep doing the group!
>>>I hate who I am, I hate what ana has done to my
>>>head... I just am so fucken tired of trying to be
>>>normal and eat. I don't want to anymore. I feel
>gross.
>>>I just don't want to keeo fighting this. I just want
>>>to be happy, and not care anymore. I had a completely
>>>horrible day today: I don't like eating in the
>dinning
>>>hall, so I take food back to my room. here no one can
>>>watch me eat. I get enough stares, I don't want to
>>>have to stay and eat in front of the student body.
>The
>>>problem is all I can eat there is from the salad bar
>(
>>>I go once a day) and if I am to get any calories I
>>>have to take A LOT of salad–lettuce, cucumbers,
>>>sometimes califlower, cut fruit, and beets. And
>>>again, I don't want to eat there–I feel like a
>pig–so,
>>>I put the food in bags and take them back to my room,
>>>which is not aloud... So today here I am with a tray
>>>piled high with lettuce, one bag full of cucumbers,
>>>and one of the heaf chefs comes over to basically
>tell
>>>me I am fucked. He was really nice about it, but
>that
>>>dosen't make it any better... already know that I
>>>look like a fool. I already know that everyone in
>>>that fucken dining hall is giving me dirty looks and
>>>gossiping behind my back. I already know that I am a
>>>screw up... Even worse is that I am a member of a
>>>group that goes to the dining hall and other local
>>>businesses after hours to pick up the food that would
>>>be thrown away; we then diler it to shelters. This is
>>>a new thing that started this year but now I fear
>that
>>>the cooks, chefs, and employies at the d hall are
>>>going to think I am taking that food for myself and
>>>not for those in real need. The food we collect after
>>>hours is stuff I would never touch–hot fatening
>food–I
>>>never in two years got hot food for myself. I always
>>>go straight to the salad bar...
>>>I want to still do my work with the group, but now it
>>>is like eveyone will be watching me, if they weren't
>>>already. I hate myself, and I hate the fact that I
>>>have been making myself eat for almost 6 years now. I
>>>have kept myself out of the hospital, after the 2nd
>>>inpatient treatment and learning of my
>osteoporosis...
>>> But fuck it. I'm sorry for swearing, but I just
>don't
>>>waht to do anymore.
>>
>>
>>lara,
>>im really sorry to hear about what happened.
>>personally though, i dont think you did anything
>>wrong. the only reason you were taking that stuff in
>>bags is because you cant eat in front of people... not
>>beause you were trying to steal from the cafeteria
>>(which, may i add, many people do even after eating
>>thier fill while in the dining hall. myself included,
>>i have taken fruit to go many times) and anyways, so
>>what!?!? i figure, we are paying exorbatent amts of
>>money to go to these schools the least they could do
>>was let us eat/take what we want. i think your
>>motives were very pure and it's not your problem if
>>other people dont understand your situation... also, i
>>think its awesome that you do that program to bring
>>the extra food to those who need it. i say if anyone
>>gives you crap about it, and you feel pressure to
>>explain yourself, just tell them the truth: that you
>>cant eat in front of people and weren't trying to do
>>any harm. also, stick with the group!! quitting
>>would only make you look like you are guilty of
>>something, which you're not. you are a really great
>>girl who deserve lots of happiness and only good
>>things; i can tell!!!
>>tomorrow will be a better day.
>>
>>xoxo
>>nicole
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 
