| Subject: Please read if you have the time..it's worth it |
Author:
Juls
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Date Posted: 08:43:55 09/19/04 Sun
Hi everyone,
I was looking around on ana journals and I came across this entry. It is dedicated to a young girl who recently died from ana. This entry really touched me and gave me a new perspective. I know that I myself am just not ready to seek help even though I am definetly not as trapped as this poor girl was. But maybe this can help some of you. I thought it was worth a shot posting this because if it makes me feel better even in the smallest way knowing that maybe I (really the girl who wrote this message) could maybe help someone. I also just wanted to say please take care of yourselves. I'm sorry I sound like such a hypocrite but anyways here's the journal entry...
~Juls
Monday, September 13, 2004
This entry is dedicated to the one, and only, Amy. Alot of you know Amy as "Iluvhungerpains" and ALOT of us were subscribed to her site. Amy was a wonderful person...she was very determinded, grounded, and caring...but unfortunately, Amy was misunderstood. Amy's family didn't know what was going on inside of her mind, and what she was doing to herself. Amy's family couldn't help her, because they didn't think there was a problem to help in the first place. Amy did help all of us, though. I remember many times where I would be down in the shit hole and Amy would immediately comment to me/email me/IM me, and just hear me out, and respond with encouraging words, telling me that everything would be okay, and that I was beautiful no matter what. But why couldn't Amy understand that she was beautiful herself? Amy always reached out to us, helped us, encouraged us...and when we were striving to lose weight, she was in our corner pushing us...and herself.
Amy was only 15 years old. I remember one time I commented on her site and told her, from her mature entries, "I thought she was like, 20!" We laughed about it, and became more close than before when we discovered that we were about the same age. Once, Amy went through a time most recently, where she acted as a Camp Conselor for the Disabled. Amy wrote in her Xanga that she was cleaning up her act, giving in to her addiction, and that, "she doesn't understand why the fuck she's worrying about 20 pounds, when these kids are happy enough just being alive". I guess happy wasn't happy enough being alive like they were- shortly after, Amy turned to Ana again.
But Ana FUCKED AMY OVER, DIDN'T SHE!? Ana told Amy to follow her, and that'd she'd be better off. Ana told Amy that in no time, she would be the beautiful stick figure that she's always wanted to be, and that life would be more content once Ana helped her curve her appetite and drop the weight that wasn't even anything to worry about. Amy was blinded....the only thing she thought she did wrong on September 12, 2004...was go to sleep.
Amy died of heart failure from anorexia nervousa and bulimia in her sleep when she went to bed on September 11th..her mother fainted, and had to be taken to the hospital when she couldn't wake Amy up. Amy's sister left a comment on my site telling me to read her own, and there I found the message that Amy had died. I couldn't believe it...I didn't want to. This role model that we all found to help us has died? From the very thing that she was encouraging us for? It just wasn't right.
I wish that I could've helped Amy. As I cried myself to sleep last night, I thought of...in a way, how I helped murder her. I told her dieting secrets, gave her tips on how to lose weight, and I'm only praying that she didn't take them. If, when Amy tried to run away from Ana the first time, she could've been safe and stayed away, then she'd be alive today. If Ana would just get off Amy's ass, she could've been alive!
I obviously couldn't help Amy...I never thought that she would've passed away, and so I didn't even try to reach my hand out to you. I can't go on like this, though..I have to do something about Amy's death. If she were here today, Amy would do the same thing I'm about to do myself. Amy would try to help you...she would tell you to look at her own death, and tell you to think about what you're doing.
I can't tell you to stay away from Ana, because I know it is an addiction. I need to tell you, however, to seek help. Whether you find help within yourself, and realize that we are all beautiful and perfect in our own ways, and try to be stronger than Ana...or you're comfortable enoungh finding help from a conselor, your Mom, your sister...me, even. Please, please, PLEASE girls...I care about you all. I've put it on my responsibilities to find Ana blogrings and tell them all to read this entry. You girls are all amazing and you are all such special individuals. You have to understand that this shit is horrible, it's sickly...and it isn't a way of life. I can't continue with this entry..I'm crying already. I just need you girls to understand that Ana isn't your friend, and she'll just wants you dead...Like Amy. Ana has no heart, and she only wants to fuck your life up. Please...please...find help. Play it SAFE girls, please. I love you all.
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