| Subject: Re: Please read if you have the time..it's worth it |
Author:
Catty
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Date Posted: 00:30:41 09/24/04 Fri
In reply to:
Juls
's message, "Please read if you have the time..it's worth it" on 08:43:55 09/19/04 Sun
>Hi everyone,
>I was looking around on ana journals and I came across
>this entry. It is dedicated to a young girl who
>recently died from ana. This entry really touched me
>and gave me a new perspective. I know that I myself
>am just not ready to seek help even though I am
>definetly not as trapped as this poor girl was. But
>maybe this can help some of you. I thought it was
>worth a shot posting this because if it makes me feel
>better even in the smallest way knowing that maybe I
>(really the girl who wrote this message) could maybe
>help someone. I also just wanted to say please take
>care of yourselves. I'm sorry I sound like such a
>hypocrite but anyways here's the journal entry...
>~Juls
>
>
>
>Monday, September 13, 2004
> This entry is dedicated to the one, and only, Amy.
>Alot of you know Amy as "Iluvhungerpains" and ALOT of
>us were subscribed to her site. Amy was a wonderful
>person...she was very determinded, grounded, and
>caring...but unfortunately, Amy was misunderstood.
>Amy's family didn't know what was going on inside of
>her mind, and what she was doing to herself. Amy's
>family couldn't help her, because they didn't think
>there was a problem to help in the first place. Amy
>did help all of us, though. I remember many times
>where I would be down in the shit hole and Amy would
>immediately comment to me/email me/IM me, and just
>hear me out, and respond with encouraging words,
>telling me that everything would be okay, and that I
>was beautiful no matter what. But why couldn't Amy
>understand that she was beautiful herself? Amy always
>reached out to us, helped us, encouraged us...and when
>we were striving to lose weight, she was in our corner
>pushing us...and herself.
>
>Amy was only 15 years old. I remember one time I
>commented on her site and told her, from her mature
>entries, "I thought she was like, 20!" We laughed
>about it, and became more close than before when we
>discovered that we were about the same age. Once, Amy
>went through a time most recently, where she acted as
>a Camp Conselor for the Disabled. Amy wrote in her
>Xanga that she was cleaning up her act, giving in to
>her addiction, and that, "she doesn't understand why
>the fuck she's worrying about 20 pounds, when these
>kids are happy enough just being alive". I guess happy
>wasn't happy enough being alive like they were-
>shortly after, Amy turned to Ana again.
>
>But Ana FUCKED AMY OVER, DIDN'T SHE!? Ana told Amy to
>follow her, and that'd she'd be better off. Ana told
>Amy that in no time, she would be the beautiful stick
>figure that she's always wanted to be, and that life
>would be more content once Ana helped her curve her
>appetite and drop the weight that wasn't even anything
>to worry about. Amy was blinded....the only thing she
>thought she did wrong on September 12, 2004...was go
>to sleep.
>
>Amy died of heart failure from anorexia nervousa and
>bulimia in her sleep when she went to bed on September
>11th..her mother fainted, and had to be taken to the
>hospital when she couldn't wake Amy up. Amy's sister
>left a comment on my site telling me to read her own,
>and there I found the message that Amy had died. I
>couldn't believe it...I didn't want to. This role
>model that we all found to help us has died? From the
>very thing that she was encouraging us for? It just
>wasn't right.
>
>I wish that I could've helped Amy. As I cried myself
>to sleep last night, I thought of...in a way, how I
>helped murder her. I told her dieting secrets, gave
>her tips on how to lose weight, and I'm only praying
>that she didn't take them. If, when Amy tried to run
>away from Ana the first time, she could've been safe
>and stayed away, then she'd be alive today. If Ana
>would just get off Amy's ass, she could've been alive!
>
>I obviously couldn't help Amy...I never thought that
>she would've passed away, and so I didn't even try to
>reach my hand out to you. I can't go on like this,
>though..I have to do something about Amy's death. If
>she were here today, Amy would do the same thing I'm
>about to do myself. Amy would try to help you...she
>would tell you to look at her own death, and tell you
>to think about what you're doing.
>
>I can't tell you to stay away from Ana, because I know
>it is an addiction. I need to tell you, however, to
>seek help. Whether you find help within yourself, and
>realize that we are all beautiful and perfect in our
>own ways, and try to be stronger than Ana...or you're
>comfortable enoungh finding help from a conselor, your
>Mom, your sister...me, even. Please, please, PLEASE
>girls...I care about you all. I've put it on my
>responsibilities to find Ana blogrings and tell them
>all to read this entry. You girls are all amazing and
>you are all such special individuals. You have to
>understand that this shit is horrible, it's
>sickly...and it isn't a way of life. I can't continue
>with this entry..I'm crying already. I just need you
>girls to understand that Ana isn't your friend, and
>she'll just wants you dead...Like Amy. Ana has no
>heart, and she only wants to fuck your life up.
>Please...please...find help. Play it SAFE girls,
>please. I love you all.
May I ask where you have found this? I'm wrighting a report on this subject. It is for a class of mine. Thanks
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