| Subject: What defines comittment? |
Author:
Nancy (Unsure)
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Date Posted: 09/18/06 12:35:14pm
I am a grown woman, divorced, with two kids. I am real confused about what defines a comitted relationship. I assumed that when two people choose to mutually comitt to only each other, that partnership entails full disclosure at all times.
What I mean by that is....there should be no secrets and if one partner feels uneasy because the other person is choosing to be VERY discreet in what they do and who they see, then is that acceptable?
I am not married, but I am with a man who claims to want to marry me in the near future. The problem is that I have issues with trust from my past relationships and I put all of that out on the table 6 months ago, when we first met. Basically to allow him to fully understand where I come from and why I have certain insecurities that may need certain extra efforts to put me at ease. I would think that when you love someone, you will do all it takes to keep peace and comfort in the relationship, right?
My boyfriend feels I ask too many questions. We practically live together and we see each other almost every day. When he chooses to do something without me, instead of telling me where he is going or with whom, he simply tells me with little to no notice, that he has plans. If I ask, with whome or where are you going...he responds with either, "You ask too many questions" or I'm going out with a friend or with friends. If I push for more informtaion, I am told, "You are not my mother!"
This is not acceptable to me. I feel he is totally disrespecting me and instead of helping me with my insecurities he feeds them very negatively. We have calmly discused how his secrets and lack of information make me feel and yet he continues to show me that he doesn't really care.
So, with all of that said, am I being overly sensitive by getting so hurt and angry at him for not freely being able to tell me where he goes or with whom? I think it is a matter of respect when you are in a comitted relationship, that you have no problems sharing with your partner where you go and with whom. I do not call and bother my boyfriend when he is out without me, I do not check up on him or any of that. I simply request that he tells me where he is going and with whom, instead of being so discreet and making me wonder. He has a ton of female "friends" abd he feels that is none of my business and should be no threat to me. Any thouights on this would be so appreciated. I love this man and I am seriously questioning staying with him.
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