Re: silly man has died from neglect-eom -- This Gentle Sin

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YOU ended almost everything we did together in one fell swoop late last January. Most of what we did during the day and virtually everything we did after the afternoon, once more putting me an even smaller compartment than usual.
No more games whatsoever, ever-BAM!
no more chats or IMs for me-BAM!
A FEW chats that you started in over two months.
And me still under orders to NOT call ever since you-know-who went on the warpath and of course, unlike everyone else you know, I have long been under orders to not call in the evening/night.

We went from having a lot of contact most of the time at different times of the day and evening to having little real-time contact and all of it controlled by YOU and virtually NO contact after maybe 2-3 pm my time-none that I could initiate, none at all!
And as usual, when you push me away you are the one left in charge of our commo, I was cut back to using emails and the BBs, ONLY- as if we were back to two years ago when we first met and that is why the BB became even more important to me-IT WAS ONE OF TWO THINGS I HAD LEFT to TRY to contact you, 'thanks' to you, my best friend who actually thinks she 'coddles' me when all of this proves the OPPOSITE.

And all of that, all that 'coddling' came overnight, only a day or two after you had reassured me (!) that NOTHING would change in our relationship! It came out of nowhere, with no warning whatsoever and no truthful explanations when the changes became apparent. When I wondered what it meant, why it was happening, if it would ever change-YOU gave me excuses, actually lied to me because you knew the truth, not telling me the truth about the whys and wherefores until two-and-half-damn months later (!)-and even then you weren't completely honest.
You gave in, which was your right-but you 'forgot' to tell the other half of our relationship-you just let me find out the hard way and not for the first time. Some 'sensitivity', some consideration, some compassion, etc.

As Tom said, you had a MORAL OBLIGATION to level with me when you made those DRASTIC changes in OUR relationship. But as usual, the unilateral changes YOU made were all about what you needed-you didn't feel a thing about what those changes would do to me, what they asked of me-you didn't feel I needed to be warned, didn't feel it should be honestly explained to me, your best friend-you didn't feel a THING about what it would do to my life or my feelings-if you had you would've warned me, you would've been HONEST about it to me when it began and maybe, if you truly gave a damn and really did 'coddle' me at all you might've saved ONE damn evening a month for us to still play a game or something.
But, noooo, all that mattered to you was YOU and what YOU wanted for YOUR life.

And during our last argument you completely ignored all of that, the MAIN issue with me!! Not a damn word from you about the thing that started this latest and last fight. Instead, you were once again lecturing me about my 'misbehavior' which really has never amounted to more than REACTING to the way you treat me, the way you control everything and the way you deny any responsibility for the natural results of some of the rude and/or insensitive things you do to me.
You still haven't said ONE word about it since you finally told me the general truth about why YOU changed almost everything in our relationship.
Some 'sensitivity', some 'coddling', some 'best friendship'.
To this minute you've not shown even a smidgen of appreciation for what you did single-handledly to us and how it affected me for the last two plus months. Not a tiny bit of regret or even SYMPATHY for me. That's pretty damn cold-hearted of you.

But that is nothing new for us-there is nothing rarer in our relationship than you seeing things from MY view and then giving a damn about it, feeling bad about what you did that caused great changes, worry, doubt, frustration and hurt..and anger.

'I'm sorry' is not in your vocabulary. No, whatever YOU want is all that really matters, you've shown that over and over and over again. Not saying a damn word about the thing that started and ended this is a perfect example of how unfair you are, even when we fight. You didn't read my replies, but that's SOP for you.

You are banned because YOU ended most of our relationship without warning or honesty or a sign of concern for me-but, you don't get to control every damn thing afterall.
You don't get to unilaterally tell me- 'that's gone', and 'that's gone', 'this is now gone for you, but I can still do it'...'BUT, the BB stays'.
No,it doesn't work that way, though I know you think it should because you really do think everything should be up to you.
I loved you, still do in fact but it's fading fast. You haven't shown me that you feel anywhere near the same for eons. The way you've acted these last eight months of so, the things you've changed, the things you no longer say or do, the way you've treated me at both BBs, the pushing away, the coming back when you need me-only to resume pushing when the emergency has passed, etc etc this has not been a best friendship worthy of the name and too much of it has been less than friendship, really-it is not something I want to continue forever. It has been too confusing, frustrating, painful, embarassing and aggravating...and heartbreaking, too.
I don't need a best friend who doesn't fight fair-who is forever defensive, never trying to truly resolve OUR problems, instead blaming everything wrong on me. I don't need a best friend who withholds affection, appreciation and apologies-who plays games with me at the BBs-some days I'm visible, some days I'm not; some days I'm almost as good as a couple of the guys you treat better than me and some days I get sent to the bottom of the rung- it hurts to go to my BB and see you there often acting like I am not even there and like other guys there are a helluva lot more important to you than I am. I don't have a BB to punish myself or to have my nose rubbed in what we once had by seeing you show appreciation and affection to others that I never see anymore, anywhere.
I don't need a best friend who changes major things about our relationship without a word to me beforehand and not an honest word, during. And not a tear falls from her eyes before, during or after.

And I don't need the hypocrisy, denial, revisionism, dishonesty and self-serving BS that substitutes for her facing her considerable role in all of OUR troubles. -serious man, who could write a book about this but who would read it other than a masochist?

PS-I feel regret for having to ban you, not because it is 'unfair'-it's fairer than much of what you've done to our relationship and to me-you could've avoided this fate if you'd shown some humanity and given a damn about how you changed everything, lied about it and how it affected me- you could've done the rarest of things and felt something real for me and sincerely apologized, but you didn't.
But you didn't even do that about the BB gift, the perfect symbol for how YOU'VE treated ME these last eight months.
'Coddling'?! What self-deluded BS, bobbi! You took away most of our relationship and then when I was down to emails and BBs only to commo with you, you couldn't even give me ten words one night on your BB-another perfect example of NOT coddling, if ever there was one. No, I could effing wait another day, because..hey, you'd already posted something silly to me that morning on my BB.
One tiny bit of commo in the entire day, and that is good enough for the likes of me and our so-called 'best friendship'-you go to your BB at night, a time during which our friendship no longer exists and see FOUR replies from me to you and you don't even think of me, a thousand miles away, living with my ailing Mom and knowing that I no longer can contact YOU other than by emails and BBs-and you can only find the time and inclination to fix up your BB-a BB that is mostly just you and I anyway. That was the coup de grace.
A tiny thing, yes-but so common and so telling about what really matters to you and what really doesn't matter.

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