Raven's Update 1/6/14 -- RAVENBEAUTY'S ALL-STAR RADIO!

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 11:40:35 01/08/14 Wed
Author: GoodWillTalking
Subject: Raven's Update 1/6/14

Hey Guys. I am told that some of you got a bit nervous when you didn't hear from me for a while, and assumed the worst (it's on Twitter I am being told). Please know that nothing can be further from the truth (I appreciate the concern, as I know you meant well). Please know that if things go south on me, John will get out here and let you know when that time comes. I know that there was talk of John and Flo doing a last show for me when I pass on, to bring closure, and to give you the final details, but I don't intend to to die just yet (it's not in my DNA to give up so easily). I am not a weak spirit. I have fought like hell over the past 27 months. A fight I would never wish on my worst enemy.

It's true that the last 27 months of my life have been incredibly brutal (as John said to me yesterday, many can move on, the chemo comes to an end, their hair grows back, and they go on with their lives., but when you have Angiosarcoma, you must continue the chemo forever, and the fight never ends or you die). People with my type of cancer are on our own islands with very few that can possibly understand (although a great many of you have been incredibly compassionate, and truly get what is going on here).

You lose the fake smiles and forced positive energy after a while. Your filters wear down, and you learn who your true friends are in the process. True friends are priceless because they don't see your battles as negative energy. They see that you are facing enormous pain and a highly aggressive form of cancer instead. They don't have crazy expectations of you. You are not a "Camille" to them. They want to be there when the going gets tough. It can break down even the toughest of spirits (want to try it on for size for a while-I didn't think so). Positive energy! Be lucky that you don't drive off a cliff if you ever get this form of cancer! There have been times where things have looked rather bleak and intensely grim (not in spirit, but technically, and having to do with the nature of this cancer and my physical self).

I've just been off the Internet a great deal over the past week, which oddly enough, felt really good. I think sometimes we all just need a break from social media and the internet for a while (you need to see the horror movie "Antisocial", as you will never look at Social media the same way ever again)! All I can say is WOW (No spoilers)! This feel good break has made more time for John and I to focus more on what's most important, and talk about things on a deeper level. He is one in a million (truly). I think about the actor who was so deeply a part of my heart at one time for over three years (he shall remain nameless), and although he proclaimed his great love for me, I know that he would have walked away by now (no doubts).

I was so sure that he was truly the one because he said all the right things, did all the right things, and made me feel like I was Juliet to his Romeo, but it was all part of a script for him (I believe that in my heart now as I look back). He was an actor to his very core (the scripts never ended). A true lust junkie who had been married several times, and all because he couldn't hold onto that rush for very long. Lust that he had always mistaken for love. He assumed that there can be no love once the rush is over, and the lust declines even a fraction from what it once was. Lust junkies will never find true love and run around in circles wondering why they can't seem to find a woman or man to settle down with, who makes them happy for more than a year, and it's because they are seeking that rush again (that's love for them). If the sex is great, they are in love. The two go hand in hand. Many stay in marriages, in which they stopped loving the person years ago, but they remain using the same script, believing that we won't notice that something is wrong. Then if you try what I did, and break it off with them to see if your suspicions were correct, and they do nothing to fight it, don't be surprised, as they left you long ago, but just didn't have the decency to end the charade (that's why it was so easy for them to let you say goodbye). That's why people think they are in love when they have affairs, and feel so in love with that person, when in reality, you are not in love, you are in lust, and that man or woman is probably going to stay put, and move on to get the rush yet again with someone new. I have never had an affair with a married man, and I never will (I would never want to inflict that kind of pain on another). I did come dangerously close with a man who lied and said that he was in the middle of a divorce and separated, when in truth, he had not even moved out of the home they shared!

I learned that I will never find a more decent man than the one I have now, who genuinely loves me, and isn't going anywhere, as he always tells me. He is here for the long haul. Our love grew past lust, and became mature, and more enduring. Real love should flourish and feel good over time no matter what. Lust dies out faster than the flame of a candle. I don't have my long, mane, of beautiful curls anymore and there is a pink line across my chest where my breasts used to be, but he doesn't see it the way that I do. He tells me that I am beautiful nearly every day, and when I start feeling insecure about these losses, he reminds me that I am his baby and precious to him. That I will always be the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. That's a lot to live for. I won't let him down. He has had so much faith in me. I thank God every night when I talk to God and the angels about life, love, and forgiveness. I pray for healing and for the pain to lessen so that I can fight this thing with more strength. I tell him that I have faith in him and beg him to have that same faith in me (to please give me more time). A new year approaches and we can lose the people we love in a heartbeat. Never be too proud to admit you were wrong if you are estranged from a friend or family member that you miss (none of us is perfect). True friends find their way back to each other. True friends weather storms and become stronger as a result of those storms. If there is someone in your life who steals your joy away, and tries to stamp out your light, let them go graciously and never look back.

There is a quote from Queen Catherine Of Aragon (she was the first wife of King Henry VIII, and discarded like something under his shoe after he took away her child, and sent her away, to marry Anne Boleyn). It is something that I never forget:

"If I had to choose between extreme sorrow and extreme happiness, I would always choose sorrow, for when you are happy you forget about spiritual things, you forget about God.But in your sorrow, He is always with you."

I leave you with the above, which is a quote that is very close to my heart. Please know that you are never alone in your sorrow and uncertainty. As for me, I am excited about this new year! Christmas was truly beautiful, and the new year is filled with so many possibilities and so much hope. I have already beaten the odds by writing this emotional update even now, and I intend to continue beating the odds. I am a warrior, foremost and always.

May the new year bring you nothing but hope, joy, prosperity, and peace (especially peace). XOXO!

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[>

Re: Raven's Update 1/6/14 -- Praying for you, 01:14:20 01/11/14 Sat [1]

Dearest Raven,
You are a true inspiration to us all, always reminding us to appreciate our todays and look forward to brighter tomorrows. I'm so glad that you have your wonderful John who loves you so much and is always there to support you and remind you of how special you truly are. God bless you both always. You both remain in my daily prayers, and I wish you happiness and healing in the new year.

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
[ Edit | View ]

[> Re: Raven's Update 1/6/14 -- wherly, 14:57:00 01/12/14 Sun [1]

What you and John have is TRUE LOVE,may this be the best year of your lives but not better than the rest to come.

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
[ Edit | View ]

[> Re: Raven's Update 1/6/14 -- Anna P., 23:45:24 01/12/14 Sun [1]

Dear Raven,

Happy New Year to you and John!! Raven, thank you for taking the time to post an update on yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers all the time. <3 <3

Sending big hugs and greetings for a great year ahead for you both!!

Anna

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
[ Edit | View ]

[> Re: Raven's Update 1/6/14 -- Amy, 02:13:50 01/14/14 Tue [1]

Thank you for this beautiful message. I come here often to check on how you are doing and I am so glad I did today because I so needed to read this. Thank you for this fresh perspective and for fighting so hard. You are truly inspirational and your life is a value to all of us!

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
[ Edit | View ]