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Date Posted: 19:17:31 02/16/14 Sun
Subject: For Amanda.............................
In reply to:
's message, "Re: Raven Update 1/30/14" on 19:25:08 01/31/14 Fri
Please forgive the delay in responding to you, as what you imparted here was so comforting, and exactly what I had hoped for (that others with psychic gifts, would hopefully see what happened to me here, and set me straight one way or another, as the toothpaste was already out of the tube so to speak). I would never want to know when I am going to die otherwise. Nobody wants that (certainly not me), but this woman and her vision took that choice away from me. Now I had to plunge headfirst and ask others who have these gifts to tell me if she was right (if that's what you also see) or if nothing could be further from the truth. Horrible situation and horrible nightmarish days on end with John and I sick to our stomachs over this (I'm not sure how you could possibly even remotely see this as weakness that John and I were upset over a revelation like this)! That part was rather odd for us both (and we have scratched our heads enough times in trying to think of what other comment left me spiraling out of control for you recently). We don't have a scoreboard. We are just trying to keep me alive and our heads above water. All of that was strange truth be told, Amanda. If I were not the strong woman I am, I would not be here right now to even answer you. How much stronger must I be? I am made of flesh and bone......
I am so grateful to you for coming forward and letting me know that you do not feel this or see this and that you normally would if it were true. I have had some others come forward privately and publicly on Facebook and have said as much to me as well (thank God). I know that in the end, God is the one who truly knows. He can change what he has in store for any of us at any time if he so chooses. We can be granted pardons, and stays of execution's if you will, through our spirit guides.
As so many of you have lovingly pointed out, you see me as the strongest woman you have ever known and that has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. I love you for it. I also love you for trying to defend me here on a note that was not quite so positive, and in all truth, inappropriate and somewhat hurtful for what it implied, but I try to take in the good from the bad, and let THAT sink in more than the bad (and there is so much more good).
John and I have discussed this so many times. People will always have great advice on what's easy to ignore and what's easy to overlook when they are not walking in your shoes (as old as time itself). Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone. The truth is that I have ignored so many things that would have had most people in a complete tailspin, and have done my level best to shrug off some of the insanity and cruelty out there over the years and through this battle. That said, I am human. I am fighting for my life against a cancer that is the blackest of any out there. For me, chemo does not end. For me, it is a daily struggle now as the cancer and chemo have left my body genuinely ravaged. No one else can TRULY know unless they are here living with John and I to see what I go through day to day. We ignore much. We endure much, but having a nurse we see every month for port flushes and blood work, tell us that she has seen my death and always sees a person's death before one of her patients die, was rather hard to shrug off! Forgive me for allowing something of that magnitude to cast me downward in a spiral of sorts. Not sure what else can be said there.....! I am sure this won't be the last time I am spiraling downward, as it were, as I walk through this and things are hurled at me through the dark realm as my light grows stronger and my "voice" more powerful (at least I see where it is coming from).
Actress Catherine Hickland might be the the closest to knowing what we are dealing with over here, as she has gone to chemo with me, and held my hand as I am being infused, and has seen firsthand what I am dealing with. I was written off as dead last year by some rather prominent hospitals, and yet I am alive. I thank God for this every day. If it were not for God, my lord and savior Jesus Christ, The Mighty, Blessed Angels, The Blessed saints, The Blessed Martyr's, Our Holy Mother Mary, The Holy Ghost, The Archangel Michael (who I hold very near and dear to my heart), along with my beloved Oncologist, who refused to give up on me, I would have fulfilled that prophecy and died last year.
I pray to every one of therm several times a day, and my faith only grows stronger. The more that is thrown at me from the dark realm, in the hopes that I will blame God and lose faith in him, only strenghten's my faith. I have Lucifer's number but good (do I ever)! He uses the sick of mind and heart, and those who are open to him, as puppets to cause people like me pain, and in the hopes that I will lose my faith in God, but it does just the opposite. It's perfectly normal and perfectly OK to fall, as we all do, and will continue to do unless you are made of steel, but it's not important that you fell, it's more important that you got up again. I am learning much on this journey.
I do thank you for the good stuff in this. It really was greatly appreciated, but it might have been nicer if the slap was not enclosed along with it. It wasn't fair and the fact that I keep getting up again is a show of true strength.
I am so sorry that I am not online as much I as I used to be, but sometimes sitting at a computer, is almost mind numbingly painful for me. I update on my Facebook when I can. Please know that I do still come by here and check out your lovely notes for me. One of those notes saved my life back in March of 2012, and gave me faith that I had never had before in my life. It was the sign I needed after a long overdue prayer session. I love you guys (genuinely).
It is not in my DNA to give up, and so I promise you that I intend to live as long as the lord will allow.......
I love you....XOXO!
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Re: For Amanda............................. -- Randy, 01:10:51 02/19/14 Wed 
You are the very milk of human kindness and grace. I have been trying to figure out what other revelation left you spiralling out of control too. I don't get that at all. All I wanted to do was scream give the woman a phucking break! What the hell! I can't believe how much you are going through and someone is going to smack you on the hand for being human! I think she is keeping a score board and it's the wrong gone! It should be a score board showing your strength and ability to spring back!
Hang in there and know that we love you!
Smug idiots who have no idea what you are dealing with!
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