More clarification -- RAVENBEAUTY'S ALL-STAR RADIO!

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Date Posted: 16:34:56 02/23/14 Sun
Author: GoodWillTalking
Subject: More clarification

We plan on being the epitome of class and grace when we go there as always, but it makes my skin crawl. What's even more important is that she is now able to drive an even bigger wedge in between someone who is very dear to me and my recovery, as she has tried to do here with her out and out lies (disgusting). I am thisclose to posting her email and she is not going to want that.....

This is not a healer! She knows I am fighting for my life here and that I am battling infections and not feeling very well. I needed this and her like I need to be told to remain positive and not let toxic people into my life! We just can't win. No matter what the hell we do, we can't win.
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I have not felt that she was sweet for some time now..........................

When you are dealing with a very important Oncologist in your life who has a new practice, and only one nurse at the moment until he goes full blown with his practice, and she is it, there is no other choice of working around her! I need my port flushed and blood drawn, and if we need to now go to another place to do what we have always had done in one place, that is going to make our lives more difficult, challenging, and definitely more costly with John needing to take a whole day off instead of a half day or two half days off to drive an hour and a half each way as it is. She has already taken enough from us (I am sure she is secretly now enjoying the wedge she has driven between my beloved Oncologist and I, which has me sicker than I already feel).

Just in case it's not crystal clear, I do not find this woman sweet at all anymore and haven't in some time (we are no longer friends). I saw it as toxic for myself and ended it on the day that she sent me that email telling me that she had just seen my death. She showed her true colors, and they were full of dishonesty, cowardice, Unproffessionalism, recklessness, and cruelty.....(not to mention that she is the very definition of a complete ditz, which is probably why she has been let go so often from so many places in one year alone). That sweetness was all that saved her and now I see that sweetness for what it truly is.

She still takes no responsibility for what she wrote, and now she is the misunderstood victim.....(what's a little death amongst friends)

A few of you nailed it out here. I could easily destroy her career by showing a screenshot of this email, but I would NEVER do so, and cannot bring myself to do it under any circumstances because as a by product of doing so, it could hurt him and I would rather die than ever hurt him inadvertently or otherwise. I would never think of taking this any further (she may not get so lucky with other patients that she has done this to). Having a nurse who you rely on each month for blood work, chemo, port flushes, etc (a figure of authority when you are in a very vulnerable position) do this to a patient is just unacceptable, unethical, and inconceivable.

They are aware of it, but they decided to keep her around, and he is the only Oncologist who did not write me off as a dead girl walking and is like family for me, so to say that things are complicated and beyond painful right now would be an understatement...............!

Yeah....you could say I am a little emotional right now!

John went to bed spitting mad and said if they want to see real strength instead of just great advice, they need to see what you are going through, and then we can talk.....I keep so much from you lately. I really do, as if I need to soften the blows for you. Every time I take the only drug that can prolong my life, I am getting serious MRSA sores and Staph infections and the pain shoots up there in such a way that I have to wait for at least two hours for everything to sink in before I can even get a shower in the morning and can at least get myself something to eat. It's kind of ironic isn't it. The one thing that can save my life is causing me severe pain and constant MRSA sores that need to be dealt with carefully. I keep waiting for that break and pray that it never fully comes (where I just give in and let go).

Thank you to all of the angels out here that I will always hold dear, but this stuff is just as toxic as what she did to me (some of the so called helpful remarks). You know who you are, who have always been nothing but helpful and I love you for it......

Thank you (really, bless you for truly getting it, and not making me feel weak and stupid). Two things I am most definitely not.
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I have not felt that she was sweet for some time now..........................

When you are dealing with a very important Oncologist in your life who has a new practice, and only one nurse at the moment until he goes full blown with his practice, and she is it, there is no other choice of working around her! I need my port flushed and blood drawn, and if we need to now go to another place to do what we have always had done in one place, that is going to make our lives more difficult, challenging, and definitely more costly with John needing to take a whole day off instead of a half day or two half days off to drive an hour and a half each way as it is. She has already taken enough from us (I am sure she is secretly now enjoying the wedge she has driven between my beloved Oncologist and I, which has me sicker than I already feel).

Just in case it's not crystal clear, I do not find this woman sweet at all anymore and haven't in some time (we are no longer friends). I saw it as toxic for myself and ended it on the day that she sent me that email telling me that she had just seen my death. She showed her true colors, and they were full of dishonesty, cowardice, Unproffessionalism, recklessness, and cruelty.....(not to mention that she is the very definition of a complete ditz, which is probably why she has been let go so often from so many places in one year alone). That sweetness was all that saved her and now I see that sweetness for what it truly is.

She still takes no responsibility for what she wrote, and now she is the misunderstood victim.....(what's a little death amongst friends)

A few of you nailed it out here. I could easily destroy her career by showing a screenshot of this email, but I would NEVER do so, and cannot bring myself to do it under any circumstances because as a by product of doing so, it could hurt him and I would rather die than ever hurt him inadvertently or otherwise. I would never think of taking this any further (she may not get so lucky with other patients that she has done this to). Having a nurse who you rely on each month for blood work, chemo, port flushes, etc (a figure of authority when you are in a very vulnerable position) do this to a patient is just unacceptable, unethical, and inconceivable.

They are aware of it, but they decided to keep her around, and he is the only Oncologist who did not write me off as a dead girl walking and is like family for me, so to say that things are complicated and beyond painful right now would be an understatement...............!

Yeah....you could say I am a little emotional right now!

John went to bed spitting mad and said if they want to see real strength instead of just great advice, they need to see what you are going through, and then we can talk.....I keep so much from you lately. I really do, as if I need to soften the blows for you. Every time I take the only drug that can prolong my life, I am getting serious MRSA sores and Staph infections and the pain shoots up there in such a way that I have to wait for at least two hours for everything to sink in before I can even get a shower in the morning and can at least get myself something to eat. It's kind of ironic isn't it. The one thing that can save my life is causing me severe pain and constant MRSA sores that need to be dealt with carefully. I keep waiting for that break and pray that it never fully comes (where I just give in and let go).

Thank you to all of the angels out here that I will always hold dear, but this stuff is just as toxic as what she did to me (some of the so called helpful remarks). You know who you are, who have always been nothing but helpful and I love you for it......

Thank you (really, bless you for truly getting it, and not making me feel weak and stupid). Two things I am most definitely not.
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�(she is not related to my Oncologist or his adorable wife). She is the chemo nurse and since we live in a rural area as it is and he is only open a few days a week for now, I guess they felt that it would be hard to find a replacement and that was not what I was originally told after this happened, so I was completely and utterly blindsided Thursday. They know how awful this was and felt terrible for me. I could tell from talking to them that they were just mortified and yet they are keeping her!

I'm not sure how else I am supposed to feel right now, but I truly love my Oncologist. I can't lose him now! You know how heartbroken I was without him all those months with soulless robots in his place. He is the reason I am still alive. I just don't understand this. Nothing is worth having a nurse, who is telling patients that she sees their deaths right before they die, and yet they are keeping her and that means she turned on the water works but good. I know how well she does this, because she breaks down and cries like Sarah Bernhardt every chance she gets. I had been feeling something odd and almost sinister with her for a while now actually. I thought maybe my senses were in overdrive and so I dismissed them (big mistake). She rushes to give me a hug every time she sees me, calls me beautiful, and we are usually inseparable. To have HER do this to ME has been mind numbing.

Shortly after she sent me a friend request, there was a red flag that I thought was kind of odd. She tagged me in a photo that said that people who shine from within do not need the spotlight, and considering who I am, I thought that was a little strange. I let it go. Then a few times she made remarks when we were talking about life and said well, I'm not a celebrity so I wouldn't know and things like this. Then of courser she would start smiling and hugging me again and do my Port Flush, etc. It's funny how you put things together later, after the fact and begin connecting dots more. I never thought she would be envious of me. I thought she was a dear friend who was my nurse. She says all the right things and hugs you and rushes up to kiss you etc and yet in the back ground, I could always sense that there was something not quite genuine about it.

Then out of the blue she sends me this incredibly toxic, frightening, email telling me that her latest vision (she has had many of other patients visions as well and according to her, they all die just as she has seen them die within a couple of weeks to a few months later) had been weighing on her so heavily now for a week, so she just had to unload it on me. That it may not be soon soon like the others, but that she saw my death as painless and that my soul had been reaching out to her for a week (that was not my soul)! That she hoped it didn't ruin my night! John and I were fucking floored! Then to make matters worse, she began gaslighting us and the story changed every time! I knew in my heart that she was selling this to my beloved Oncologist because if she could lie outright to us so boldly and believably, God only knows how she must have worked him! I saw it as a blessing in disguise there for a while because we had to buy our own wrist cuff because of her. I hate having my blood pressure taken (always hurts) but it must be done. I have never had anyone take blood pressure like her in my life! Even worse is that people are getting chemo there and if she is not doing the damn blood pressure correctly, they will have no way of knowing if that person is about to stroke out! Terrible nurse.....

She pumps only a few times and so you never feel pain or that heartbeat like feeling in your arm and she always declares that I have high blood pressure (even though my family doctor and the new wrist cuff does not show this issue). I asked her why she did this because it's nothing like I have ever seen before and I want to be able to trust the numbers and she admitted that she knows she is supposed to pump to about 200 or so but only goes to maybe 150 because she knows how much taking Blood Pressure really hurts people! I sat here in disbelief but we did not want to say anything because at that time, she was just so sweet and so huggy and kind, we thought that it was a trade off for having such a kind person do all of this. It was weird and we did not like it, but we bought a Panasonic Wrist Cuff that had good reviews that is very close to doctors office readings (accurate ones). Then when she flushed my port one day, she had just been hugging this couple, and a larger heavyset woman and then went to hug me (I cringed) and then began getting all my port supplies together and then and only then did she wash, put on sanitizer and get out the gloves that come with the kit (we were both holding our tongues and mortified). We began to realize that she is a terrible nurse actually. Sweet, but terrible.

Then she sends me that email about her vision of my death and I realized that she is just a plain nightmare period, and they are keeping her! I don't want her to cause us any further pain and she would be if we had to go to a secondary place to get all of this done because they want to dance with the liability that she provides. I am angry, hurt, confused, stunned, and so many other things at the same time that I am not sure there are words for them. I love him and need him in my life, but this decision I just don't get at all......

We will be damned if we have to have John take off more work and pay a second copay and get an additional chance of exposure to the flu at a second medical facility all because of her! of course I have to suck it up and face this woman! We must.,.......

I guess I am just feeling a little smacked around here this week and it's all caught up with me. I have lost my sense of humor and am only human........

The thing I fear the most is that one day she is going to cost him big and it will probably be long after I have gone, but I see it coming. She is a perfect storm in the making and there was a reason she was in like 5 places in one year.....

Nobody wants to see someone lose their job, but these circumstances are just wild and hard to ignore and each one of them she has brought on herself. Telling cancer patients that she has seen their deaths and that she is always right about these visions is not a gift from God. It's pure poison and trust me guys (for the many who out and out stated that I am under spiritual attack by Satan) I see it for what it is as well. He sees my light and knows I have a powerful voice and he wants to shut me down. He's been making my life miserable, and I admit I am losing some hope here, but I have not lost my faith. I have my prayers and I have that still intact. This is ugly and I wish there was a way to make ti all stop so that I could simply have some peace in my life.

P.S. I realize that I am blessed (I do). I see a lot of love and support out here, and then you get the dumbed down, make you feel like you are stupid and weak types, and then you have the silent types who don't want to get their pretty little hands dirty. Thank you God for showing me much over the past 48 hours.....< 3

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Re: More clarification -- Anonymous, 03:33:13 02/24/14 Mon [1]

Dear Raven,

I have had the same thing happen to me at my doctors office where the nurse takes my blood pressure and it is so tight that it hurts my arm. On top of that my doctor comes in and retakes my blood pressure and does not hurt me and my blood pressure is fine and tells me that the nurse did not do it properly. I think what I am going to do next time I will tell the nurse I am going to pass on her taking it. Also, I would show the doctor the full email that she sent you. A doctor is sworn to patient doctor confidentiality. I remember you saying there were so many nice nurses that your doctor had in the first practice that I am sure he could find someone else. There must me more patients there that are on to her. The more people that complain about her the better. While you are at her mercy try not to let her know you are on to her. Also, sooner or later you have to unfriend her on facebook. So sorry you are in this predicament, but I am sure you will work it out. You're a pretty smart lady. Sending you my love and a big hug.

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[> Re: More clarification -- Chemo RN, 13:22:27 02/24/14 Mon [1]

Dear Raven,

I started reading your spoiler column when I began watching ABC shows after my CBS shows were canceled. I have followed your battle with cancer as well, though I have never commented or contacted you.

I am also an Oncology RN who works in the chemo/infusion office of a regional oncology center. I understand your complicated situation with your beloved oncologist. And if I am understanding correctly, the oncologist is aware of the situation but has chosen to keep the nurse on staff. This woman has crossed so many professional lines that it makes my head spin. Even befriending a patient (or even previous patient) on social networking is a huge ethical misstep. I know you do not want to cause issues for your oncologist, and rightly so since he seems to be the only one you've had good care from, but I agree with the person above me: show the email to the doctor. Or send a letter and copy of the email to the state board of nursing. Also, FYI, you should be able to look up this nurse's record on the board of nursing's website. It will tell if there are any disciplinary actions or complaints against her. Although it seems like you already have a good read on her. :(

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[> Re: More clarification -- A true friend, and a nurse, 06:16:56 02/25/14 Tue [1]

Raven,
With the updated additional info you have given, I truly understand your fear. You are prudent to have fear that a person who has emailed you with the date of your death is responsible for performing procedures on your port, and possibly other things as ordered by your Oncologist.

My concern is that she might be one of those truly insane nurses who "make" things come true. She might introduce bacteria into your port, or a big push of an air bubble into your circulation through your port, or flush it with something other than the heparin and saline flush solution.
I don't KNOW that she would do this, but we really don't know how deranged she is.

When this was just " a false friend" sending you a malicious and hurtful email it was one thing, but knowing that she has some power over your health adds a whole different dimension and siniater meaning to the email.
I can tell you that I would not let her touch me after sending that email about death. She is evil. Mentally ill, too, more than likely, because normal nurses do not terrify their patients in this way.

You can make arrangements for home health to do the things she would do, most likely. Please try to not have her administer care to you. I can tell you that I don't trust her at all.

I love you and I am praying for you. You are strong, so strong. This is a whole different level of evildoing than anyone should have to try to deal with.

A longtime internet friend

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