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Date Posted: 11:29:31 03/09/14 Sun
Author: GoodWillTalking
Subject: Raven Update 3/8/14

Hey Guys,

Checking in to let you know that I went in to get my port flushed, and saw my Oncologist. He came out to give me a hug while I was in the waiting room area, and I just knew at that moment, that all would be OK. I was so afraid that this nurse had driven a wedge in there somehow, and I was heartbroken at the very thought of it. This doctor is truly my lifeline. He and his incredibly kind wife felt like Aloe Vera on a great burn. As I said further down amidst all this activity, I could have gone to some of the greatest hospitals in the world, had we been able to afford one, but we could have never found a better Oncologist. He gets me, and he always has a plan, even when I am fresh out of hope, plans, and everything in between.

He didn't much like the way I looked, I got that, and had a feeling there myself. I've been running high fevers daily for a while now and have been feeling extra tired and somewhat weak. Everything is an effort if you know what I mean. He looked a little worried (waiting on bloodwork and hopefully it's still decent looking). He is sharp and always has a plan. Off Doxycycline and on Keflex right now to knock out whatever infection is overwhelming me right now. It's ironic because that was my knee jerk reaction on that horrible night that John and I ended up in the ER with this crazy pain under my right arm near my chest area, which later turned out to be a MRSA Infection in my chest wall (scared the hell out of us). They could not get me out of pain and we had to await the results of the sample they took from draining that area near this Seroma, but something told me to reach for what I had left over from all those surgeries, and that was Keflex.

It turned out to be a smart move as the pain immediately began to go down and continued to go down beautifully, until the Infectious Disease Control people changed me over to Doxycycline. Ironically enough, the woman said that was one they sometimes use and that it was a smart move as it bought me time. Now looking back, it was probably all I needed. I say this especially now that the Doxycycline has only made me feel worse, but the Keflex is a smooth ride with my body. Praying the fevers go away and I start to feel a little more like myself. I was also given something much stronger for the pain and will try it over the weekend. Excited at the prospect of having something that can finally control this almost non-stop physical pain. We are also trying lower doses of Gleevec in a different way, so this might be the way my body can handle this drug instead of just giving in and calling it a day. Hope....I always leave there with hope........

They were so kind and brought in a special nurse to take care of me when I came in, and I did not have to see this woman. They get it....they really do. It was a mess, but I am a strong woman and I haven't made it this far to let something like this take me down. A little scared with the way I have been feeling, but when you truly and honestly believe in God and the power of his angels, so much is possible. So much hope still exists.

Something happened tonight that had me in tears and then smiling through those tears because I knew what it was, and got my Mom moment today. March 7, was her Birthday, and I thought of her so much today. I told her how much I missed her and how hard I am fighting to hang on. Late tonight, my lamp on my nightstand got super bright and my air cleaner went up quite a bit all of a sudden at the same time and I felt her everywhere for a moment. I smiled and thanked her for visiting me today on this special day. How much it meant to me. Bittersweet. Incredibly so, but it was her and i knew it my heart. They really are all around us watching, waiting, hoping, and still loving us so much. I kept asking her to let me see her, but I couldn't. I was grateful for what I did get knowing who will be there for me on the day I go to take me across that bridge into a place of pure beauty and peace. I just know it will be her.

Anyway, grateful to still be here. Grateful to know that I have not lost my lifeline in any way, and that means the world to me. I know this much, he is truly an angel walking this earth and was meant to do this with his life. So many depend on his genuine care, kindness, and compassion. Life is good. Hanging onto it with all my strength (please know that). You are my second family and your many notes and pictures lift my spirits up every single day. I love you so much......

I hope you have a truly beautiful weekend with nothing but peace and serenity........

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[> Re: Raven Update 3/8/14 -- Allison (Relieved), 01:29:28 03/16/14 Sun [1]

So glad you feel some peace these days. I know those are rare times and I pray for more of them for you. I had a prof in college who always told us to write "what you know" and as a journalism major it was always hard to put it all out there sometimes, emotionally, mentally and physically, But you do it so beautifully that it's as cathartic for me (I have a painful condition as well) as I know it is for you. We are not alone and I continue to pray for your wellness and the miracle to cure you come along. You are an inspiration to many and your expressions of faith and God's will are right on. God is the one who controls our lives and for whatever reasons, puts the challenges and battles as well as the successes and victories there for us at the times in our lives that may not be of our choosing. However we have to continue to Trust God, hard as it is sometimes, and keep moving forward. I know you know all this, but I personally find reinforcement is necessary for myself as often as possible!! Reading your blogs and messages also does that for me because as deep down as you get, and I understand that, you never let go. And we won't let you ! Prayers and blessings for relief and rest and peace for you to have, and continue to see joy and signs of love from above always.

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