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Date Posted: 16:59:30 10/08/12 Mon
Author: Ravenbeauty
Subject: Update on me (10/8/12)!

Guys,



My apologies for not getting out here sooner. It's been the darkest two weeks of my life (The Internet has been the last thing on my mind). In the past, I had more hope because things had not metastasized to this degree, however the latest PET scan was not what we had hoped for. I need to go back into the hospital again, so faking those smiles sometimes is getting harder and harder to do for me these days. Sometimes we cannot smile and pretend that everything is OK, because we are human, and just feel what comes natural at a time like this. When you have had as many surgeries as I have had with the Angiosarcoma alone in the past 11 months, and now find that both cancers are advancing internally on me at the same time, all the power of positive thinking and Cliffs Notes in the world can't fix things. When you are on the outside looking in, you have all the answers until it's you, and then suddenly you aren't so smart, so sure of yourself, or so full of wisdom. You have to be there. I pray that you never are. I love you and am genuinely grateful for your love and support.

I have some very special shows coming! I hope they put a smile on your face! Please note that if any of the following shows conflict with the surgery date that I have yet to be given, they will need to be either rescheduled or postponed indefinitely until I am over the surgery. I will keep you posted.....

My show with actress Andrea Evans on Thursday, October 18, 2012, 6PM Pacific Time-9PM Eastern Time!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ravenbeautys-all-stars/2012/10/19/a-very-special-chat-with-daytime-legend-andrea-evans

My show with actress Jaclyn Smith Thursday, October 25, 2012 at 6PM Pacific Time-9PM Eastern Time!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ravenbeautys-all-stars/2012/10/26/catching-up-with-legendary-actress-jaclyn-smith

My Show With Producer, Writer, & Director Mark Pavia on Sunday, October 28, 2012 at 6PM Pacific Time-9PM Eastern Time!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ravenbeautys-all-stars/2012/10/29/halloween-with-celebrated-writer-and-director-mark-pavia

My Show With Actress Linda Evans on Friday, November 2, 2012 at 8AM Pacific Time-11AM Eastern Time!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ravenbeautys-all-stars/2012/11/02/a-magical-morning-with-the-legendary-and-iconic-linda-evans

Please note that we are no longer launching the chat room with these shows. The chat room was why so many have had browser issues with Blogtalk. It's also incredibly distracting and can attract unwanted visitors. Just sit back and enjoy the guests (you will no longer have two Flash programs competing with one another anymore). Things should be smoother.

I am posting the links below to my recent updates on Facebook in regard to this latest news for me, but will also post the text in case you do not have Facebook (if you do have Facebook, you can click on the links, and get the full discussion below as well). God Bless you for standing by me and truly being there for me. It means the world to me. Thank you for being so lovely and so incredibly kind and supportive. XOXO.

Most recent update dated October 4, 2012:

Direct Facebook Link For This Update On Me Plus Comments And Further Discussion

Guys, I'm sorry that I haven't checked in for a while, but this latest blow was a big one. The level of this setback (the results of the PET scan) have me completely off kilter with fear, worry, and honest to God pure exhaustion here. I was really on a high there for a while. I felt that things were looking up. I have fought harder than you know. To add insult to injury, we were dealt a huge blow yesterday. I know that most of you will remember the day I came out here in tears after a very callous and inhumane breast surgeon told me that she was not going to remove my reoccurrence of cancer because a case like mine isn't worth it. She basically called me a dead girl walking and felt that it wasn't worth her surgical efforts to go any further. Many of you were as outraged as my family and I, and encouraged me to file a report about this insensitive and cruel encounter. I let it go at the time because I have a great deal on my plate, but it cost me a lot of valuable time as I frantically searched for a surgeon that would take my case and remove this and other reoccurrences (which I have in a wonderful plastic surgeon now) as this thing continued to grow and spread on me (that's what her decision cost me). That's not even the entire extent of the damage she did because I gave up on myself there for a while believing what she fed me that day (that my case was hopeless and to just go away and let it overtake me and not bother her anymore).

I've mentioned this on a few of my radio shows, but have never named her (I will be filing an official complaint once I get my bearings here again). To refresh your memory, I was blessed to have the loveliest and kindest breast surgeon in the world. She held my hand throughout the entire wide excision mastectomy last October. She was truly there for me. She is a bit of a novelty these days because she actually cares about her patients. We are not irritating insects that need to be swatted away. When I had my first reoccurrence of Angiosarcoma, I called her office feeling some comfort in the knowledge that she would get me through this. I was horrified to learn that she was on maternity leave and would be gone for three months. I was left at the mercy of her partner who is nothing like her as I sadly learned. She had a coldness in her eyes from the moment I met her. She did tell me that everything would be OK, that we would handle this, and so she did a biopsy (they are quite painful and only encourage the cells to divide and grow at a faster rate once done).

When it came back as what I suspected it would be (Angiosarcoma again) she phoned me that day and told me that I was right, as it was indeed Angiosarcoma again, and the next thing she said caused me more heartache and pain that I can even begin to convey. I was fully expecting her to tell me when her earliest opening was to get this removed as it was also beginning to cause me a great deal of pain as well, and she said (and I quote because I will never forget it), I can't see the point in doing another surgical recession in a case like yours. It wasn't worth it. I was so horrified and overcome with emotion that I didn't even know what to say for a moment. I asked her to repeat that because I was so taken aback that a doctor who took an oath was basically sending me home to die, dismissing me as a case not worth the effort, and letting me think all hope was lost. I have never cried so hard in my life. I honestly cried for days. Not only had this monster done the last thing you should ever do and tell a cancer patient to just give up and that they are not worth your time, but she had cut into me already leaving me in a incredibly dangerous situation with the Angiosarcoma now spreading faster and angrier as it was sliced into now! Why did she bother doing a biopsy if she knew that she was going to do nothing if it came back positive! I was a crumbled mess when John got home that day. I finally picked myself up off the floor and frantically searched for a new surgeon who could remove this mass. He is not a breast surgeon (he is a plastic surgeon) but he helped me and has continued to help me as they reoccur. Every physician I have talked to has explained that you cannot just leave these painful lesions on the skin no matter what is going on inside. It can get gangrene or infected! Thank God, none of this has happened yet.

I never told her off as I wanted to in the worst way that day, and did not contact the medical board yet about this horrific experience, but I guess she wasn't done. I don't know what runs through this woman's veins, but it's not blood. Now that I have a massive reoccurrence requiring hospitalized surgery, my Oncologist and I felt confident in the sense that my original breast surgeon would be there to handle this nightmare for me (surely she would be back from maternity leave by now, and she was a like a second mom to me in many ways). I had been waiting since Wednesday of last week for a call from her office because I was told their office would call to schedule an appointment. Just yesterday, my Oncologist called to tell me that as much as she wants to do this and help me, her hands are tied and would not elaborate any further. After hearing my utter shock and disbelief, he stated that this had nothing to do with ME and that he could not go into it any further, (he didn't have to) as I got exactly what was going on and could barely breathe. That monster that blew me off that dark day and already caused me enormous pain and suffering, struck again. She is the head of this practice, and my wonderful breast surgeon, who I adore, has only been there for a year and a half. This monster passing herself off as a doctor, who cruelly wrote me off that day, is obviously putting pressure on my breast surgeon to not take the case. As a newbie in the practice, I guess she feels cornered. I am heartbroken and sick to death here over this (as if I don't have enough)!

Because what is happening to me now is way over my plastic surgeons head (out of his league and he admits it), John and I had to visit a complete stranger today to try to get him to take this complicated case! Never in a million years did we think we would be back to finding a new breast surgeon once the wonderful one I had was back from her maternity leave (and she wants to help me, but can't)! I feel like I am in a living nightmare. I am definitely filing a major complaint with the center I go to as well as the medical board in detail. In the meantime, John and I lost a valuable week of waiting for nothing and given yet another blow. The breast surgeon we met with today was clearly worried about a case this rare. He said he is meeting with a special board over things next Tuesday and having conversations with my Oncologist and my Plastic Surgeon (who he has worked with in surgery). He thinks we may need him because he wants a repeat of last October with extra wide margins, and this time we may need grafts because my skin was only just starting to grow back a little. I am heartsick. No other way to sugarcoat it, and I will not bullshit the home team. All of this should be the last thing I am dealing with! This one woman has cost me so much in so many ways that I cannot even fathom what she is thinking. What the hell did I do to her! I can't help that I have Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma and Angiosarcoma advancing at the same time. I didn't ask for this (and doctors are supposed to help you for God sakes)! Do no harm! I guess she forgot the oath she took. I am beginning to feel as if nobody wants to deal with a case like this and I'm on my own. The worst part is knowing that my original doctor wants to do this surgery and help me, but can't for some political reason with the incredible monster who runs this practice. Needless to say, it's been the darkest two weeks yet. They have written me off and act as if I am literally a dead girl walking.

Not everyone has the money to go to the best centers in the world. Not all of us have the means, and traveling with a poor immune system is not really something that would be good for me right now. It's not like a live in the boondocks here either so this is uncalled for in every possible way. I meet with the new surgeon next Wednesday to see when we can get this scheduled. He said that he just wants to make sure he has met with everyone and has a full understanding on a case like mine before he picks up that scalpel (and he was pushing Chemo a few times, which had me ready to just implode). As horrible as my situation is THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER !

I just haven't even had the energy to find the words until now. I didn't want to leave you hanging and as always, I will keep nothing from you. I will always share with you. I'm not the optimistic Raven I was even a month ago, but I am also not ready to do die just yet. I will find a way to push through, but it's just not today. I think I am still in shock from all of this.

I am leaving all the pain behind me on Monday for my show with Andrea Evans. No other way to do it right except to find a way to put it in a box up high on a shelf that day, and enjoy having someone so lovely and so incredibly special on my show. John feels that it’s exactly the distraction I need. Wednesday I meet with the new surgeon a second time, and then Thursday I have my show with Jaclyn Smith, so once again, all put into a box for that space if time. I love you guys so much. You have no idea what your beautiful notes mean to me. I really would have gotten out here sooner, but I honestly could not even think straight. I love you. Thank you for truly being there for me. ♥

Update on recent PET Scan Dated September 26, 2012:

Direct Link To My Facebook Update Plus Comments And Further Discussion

The news is not exactly what we had hoped for today. Things had been going so well for me over the past 6 months or so for the most part. All of that changed today. We just got back from meeting with my Oncologist, and the PET scan was quite different from the others that went before it. They see a mass in the left part of my chest wall, malignant lymph nodes in the center of my chest that were never seen before, more malignant nodes on my right, near where a very large tumor or Lymph node has grown significantly (this is the hot node they referred to before, only now we are not so sure that it's just a node). They also see Malignant Lymph nodes near the axillary clips under my left arm from my first go around with Breast Cancer in 2001. Because my case is rare (dealing with two separate cancers) we are not sure which is which at this point, although my Oncologist and I both suspect that it's the Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma on the right underneath my arm that looks like it may be a tumor (they originally thought it was a hot node last time). I just had a feeling. I know that those of you who are closest to me know this better than anyone else. I kept telling myself I need to think positive, but I knew. I could feel it. :(

My Oncologist (who I truly love and respect) is contacting my original Breast Surgeon (the kind and decent one who did not send me home to die like her partner did that day) to let her know that we need to go back in again,. They want me back in the hospital and are reopening everything. Too many areas now. There go the Lymph nodes under my right arm. I had one good arm left for blood work and blood pressure. The one thing that is additionally frustrating is that they forgot to give me the CD with all the pictures to take with me after the PET scan, so we only had a report to work off today (it was the longest PET scan report I have had thus far). The hospital that did the PET scan is sending my Oncologist the CD (pictures) today via Fed Ex so he should have the pictures by the end of the week at the latest. He said they are going to need this as a road map when they go back in. Then he is passing them on to the breast surgeon after he sees them. They said that the Breast Surgeon’s office would be calling me most likely tomorrow to set up an appointment. This is also incredibly awkward because although I will be seeing the surgeon who was lovely to me (she did the Mastectomy in October of last year), her partner was the one who told me that it wasn't worth going back in to remove one of the reoccurrences I had, if you guys will remember. Many of you thought I should have reported her, and trust me, you were not alone. I was stunned and hurt beyond belief. The fact that I may even run into her makes me sick to my stomach right now. In other words, just go off, die, and leave us alone. You never tell a cancer patient this ever.......

I am going to need a few days here to process some of this. I had a couple more incredible surprises to announce in regard to my shows, but unless they can be scheduled within the next few weeks, they will need to be put off until I have a surgery date (and I will need at least three weeks off from that date). This is the Mastectomy all over again. They will be sending me home with drains again too (something I never thought I would be ever dealing with again in my life). I'm not the chipper Raven I usually am this afternoon, but please know that as upset as John and I are right now, I am not giving up. My show with Andrea is still perfectly fine (a much needed distraction). My shows with Mark Pavia and Linda Evans should also be OK because I can't imagine them scheduling surgery any sooner than the second week of November at the earliest (last time it took them almost 7 weeks) as now I have to go through all that insanity again of meeting with my family doctor to get a clean bill of health (EKG's and more blood work) and going through Pre-op appointments, etc). I will keep you posted as always. I'm heartbroken right now and not feeling very spunky. I just wasn't prepared for it to be THIS bad. The good news is that it has not hit major organs yet in a way that I need to be worried about just yet, but it's on its way through the Lymphatic system (that much is quite clear). :(

I love you. Thank you for being so strong for me. I promise to keep you posted. ♥

Last edited by author: Thu October 11, 2012 02:25:19   Edited 4 times.

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Replies:

[> Re: Update on me (10/8/12)! -- Arenitas, 01:26:53 10/09/12 Tue [1]

Sometimes there are just no words that a human can say, but the words of Jesus are always full of power and healing:

I'm by your side wherever you fall,
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call.
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you.
My hands are holding you, girl.
Because I love you, I want you to know,
That because I love you I'll never let you go.
...I'm gonna give you Life.

By Your Side by Tenth Street North

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU

I'm standing in for you until you get the break through God has for you. He's the only one you can depend on!


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[> [> Re: Update on me (10/8/12)! -- Hannah (((((((healing hugs))))), 16:31:41 10/11/12 Thu [1]

(((Ravenbeauty))))

I just saw someone say Saturday is your birthday!
((((I hope your birthday wish will come true)))) :)
May you see sunshine and many rainbows that day!

I agree with and believe in what's been said by others here, that a miracle will be coming your way soon. You are loved immensely, dearest Ravenbeauty, and you will also be blessed beyond measure. Please, don't just believe that a beautiful miracle is coming your way - please, also, visualize it coming your way! Envision it happening, and this will bring it closer to you much faster. Just as there is power in prayer, there is power in positive visualization. ((((love to you))) :)


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[> Re: Update on me (10/8/12)! -- Anonymous, 05:19:27 10/10/12 Wed [1]

Dear Raven,

I know I am a bit early but then I usually do this ahead of time anyway so here it goes "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR RAVEN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU". This Saturday I hope you just spoil yourself with your favorite sweets and anything you want to do on your special day. Love you and always thinking of you. XOXO


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[> Re: Update on me (10/8/12)! -- Shanean Austin, 17:06:48 10/11/12 Thu [1]

Raven
Look into edible clay such as Green Calicum Benonite Clay it has a ph
Level of 9.7 since cancer cell can't survive in an alkaline environment. I give this too my cat who has breast tumors and she is old. She could handle the extensive surgery she needed. Some tumors had to left in her body. This clay seems to work better than the red clay I was using on her. The clay draws the toxins to it and it seems the tumors are going down. I also give her fish oil, ahcc, 4 life transfer trifactor plus, colostrum and a cat multivamin for cancer. My husband also takes some of these supplements also and he says it is helping with his immune system. Also remember calicum and vitamin taken together prevents the spread of breast cancer this is proven scientifically. You will find the right doctors and keep the immune system strong!!


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[> Re: Update on me (10/8/12)! -- Allison (Advice), 08:11:15 10/14/12 Sun [1]

Raven, I am so sorry things have not gone well for you recently. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers even though I don't visit your page/site as often as I should. However ,I did want to tell you to be sure to report "the monster" doctor to your State Medical Board of Review. I had an accident seven years ago and it was misdiagnosed and wrongly treated in the ER. Long story short, I finally had all the proper surgery but have lost use of about 75% of my right (formerly dominant) hand. My attorney suggested that when I had my med-mal suit to also report the nurses and P.A. that treated me to the state (TX). I did and eventually was called to Austin to testify in front of the Medical Board for my case and give a statement/recommendation of penalty for the P.A. It felt good to be able to do that so that hopefully it will NEVER happen again. Good luck to you and blessings for your health. May God embrace you and comfort you at this time.


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[> Re: Update on me (10/8/12)! -- Bridget Sage (Hopeful), 04:32:21 10/15/12 Mon [1]

Hello Miss Raven! I have you as a friend on Facebook I was lucky enough to get into the 5000 who can but I honestly come only here to read your blogs as Ifeel it's more personal. I have followed your life for the last year and a half and I have to say you are such a beautiful miracle and I check for your updates often and open up the Tab hoping to hear good news. sometimes it is and those days fill me with joy and messages like this one are hard to hear as your readers look at you like a dear friend or family. I applaud your brave decision to go you're own way with treatments and not just follow the chemotherapy route. I think that is what has helped you have such incredible strength as well as all the light and love surrounding you. I started reading this as a soap fan but have come now like many not caring as much about what's going on the screen but checking in on my dear friend. I know you read everything and I hope that this will give you even just a moment of peace and a smile then I have done what I set out to accomplish. thank you for reading your a beautiful inspiration to us all Wirh the kindest thoughts I can send Bridget


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[> Re: Update on me (10/8/12)! -- llanviewlovely, 10:15:04 10/15/12 Mon [1]

Dearest Raven, so sorry to hear of this news, I have been reading your updates on FB, but I can't comment since we are not officially friends over there. I just want you to know that not a day goes by that my Mom & I don't say a prayer for you, please know that you are very much loved by so many! Always remember that God is able and he loves you so much, as always sending healing rays of light & love your way!


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[> Re: Update on me (10/8/12)! -- wherly, 17:13:03 10/15/12 Mon [1]

You and your loved ones are in my prayers.


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[> Another update.................................................. -- Ravenbeauty, 01:24:36 10/18/12 Thu [1]

The news from yesterday has been very hard to process for me. Our long drive home yesterday from this very large and imposing medical center was quiet and painful. Neither John nor I had the words. Every time we would try to discuss what just happened, we had to stop talking so that he could see the road in front of him (I sometimes forget how hard this has been on him). I don't have any cute anecdotes or any great way of telling you this. I want to come out here and just give you amazing news like I had been for a better part of the past year. I had clear margins from the surgery in July. We celebrated. I was feeling so much energy from all the regimens I've been on that I wasn't fully prepared for all of this NOW.

After I completed the chest MRI (felt like I was burning up in there), we met with the new surgeon, who has in fact dealt with Sarcoma as rare as it is. All I could do was cry and probably because at this point I am truly exhausted. He said that my case is not like anything they have ever seen (getting really tired of hearing this). I have asked myself a million times why this has to be me, but it's pointless and goes nowhere. My mom died of chemo induced Leukemia and now I am battling radiation induced Angiosarcoma. I am my mother's daughter. Lots of questions about our genes and talk about my first go around with Breast cancer in 2001. He said that the surgery needed would be so incredibly extensive and intense that the only way they would consider operating on me is if I underwent a procedure first in which they could biopsy the suspicious Lymph Nodes around my windpipe and lungs first. If they find cancer in those Lymph nodes, he said there would be no point in putting me through such a grueling procedure, which would require a great deal of reconstruction (you were right Maria). Time stood still for me in that office yesterday. Nobody mentioned Lymph Nodes on my windpipe or that close to my lungs. He said that they are suspicious looking, and if they are cancerous, they would not operate.

The next 10 minutes were spent discussing what this procedure entails, and I refused the option of making an incision in my throat area under general. I think we are going to go for option number two because if we don't they won't do the surgery. Option number two is them putting me under Twilight and sticking a scope down my nose with a needle inside and I am guessing a small camera, and taking samples of the suspicious Lymph Nodes on my Windpipe and lung area. The biopsy is what seals my fate on this. I asked him why they would not operate anyway knowing that this mass on my left chest wall and this large growth under my arm must come out, and he said that they felt it would not be in my best interest to do things halfway and not address the Angiosarcoma as a whole. He further stated that they truly believes that it's the Angiosarcoma that is in those nodes on my Windpipe and around my lungs as Angiosarcoma is known for going right to the lungs. He said the growth under my right arm is a large soft tissue mass (as further identified by the chest MRI yesterday) and that it's incredibly characteristic of Angiosarcoma. I'm glad that John was with me because I shut down halfway through this and would have lost the rest of what he said. The one thing that he said that surprised both John and I very much is that chemo would be ineffective in my case. They would not suggest it due to the experience they have seen with other Sarcoma patients (one less argument I had to have).

He said if we were to get a miracle and find that these particular Lymph Nodes are not cancerous, and they do proceed, I would need extensive surgery requiring a special type of plastic surgeon involved who would have to move my back muscles around (right again Maria, and I told them about your case asking if they intend to remove the chest wall). It sounded like a nightmare hearing him explain what would need to be done. Either way this things goes, it's a living nightmare. Only others like me are going to understand what I am about to say, but what had me even more sick to my stomach is that I am at an exit point (near my Birthday). You know what this means. I can't pretend that there is a great deal of hope anymore. I would be lying to you, and I won't do that. I'm not a game show host. Life is not always positive, and to be afraid of being human and feeling what comes natural at a time like this, would be unimaginable for me. I've been painfully honest with you about these incredibly private things because you have meant so much to me over the years. As you know, my initial reaction was to keep all of this private when I was diagnosed late last year. I then stopped to think about how you might feel one day with someone linking you to an obituary without my ever telling you that there was even a problem. I also thought maybe by sharing what is happening to me, it could possibly help someone else out there one day. I'm not packing it in, but I would be out and out lying to you if I said that I wasn't feeling hopeless at this point. I would be lying (can't do that). I've always worn my heart out on my sleeve. It's just how I am. The one thing about me is that I don't pretend to have all the answers in life. I don't study people's behavior looking for flaws. I look for the humanity in them and that's enough for me.

In that vein, yesterday as we grew nearer and nearer to home (this is almost a 6 hour drive in total for us), I had a knee jerk moment where I thought I would just cancel all the shows that I have remaining. How do I laugh and pretend that everything is fine when nothing could be further from the truth. John and Flo made me realize that if I gave up on my shows, I would be giving up the one thing that has distracted me from this darkness. I would be giving up my chance to talk to Andrea Evans, who has meant the world to me since I was a child. I would be giving up my chance to talk to Linda Evans, Jaclyn Smith and my dear, brilliant, friend Mark Pavia who is going to do even greater things out there with his new Stephen King film. John had to remind me over and over again that I am no quitter. That I can't start now. He's right. I'm not perfect. I'm just a person so I don't know how the next few months are going to go for me emotionally, but I am going to try as hard as I can to make you proud of me. I love you (and I never say things I don't truly mean). Tomorrow is my show with Andrea, and come hell or high water, this thing is going on a shelf somewhere far away so that I can lose myself in this chat that I have looked forward to for a very long time. You know that I will keep you posted (I made that promise to you) and I will. ♥

https://www.facebook.com/ravenbea know that I will keep you posted (I made that promise to you) and I will. ♥

https://www.facebook.com/ravenbeauty.soapdiva/posts/374191972658731