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Date Posted: 15:42:10 05/03/12 Thu
Author: 
Ravenbeauty
Subject: 
Update on me.........................
Hey Guys,
I apologize for not getting over here sooner. I sometimes forget that not everyone is over at Facebook. I wish they would drop the 5000 friend limit so I could add all of you, but for some bizarre reason it remains nonetheless. I have 523 friends in my queue awaiting approval, and all I can do is add a few of you every now and then (frustrating). Please know that I am not snubbing you over there. I am keeping you in my queue just in case Facebook drops this ridiculous rule at some point.
I can't thank you enough for your incredibly sweet notes of concern. You are amazing to take time out of your own troubles and worries to come here and check up on me. I have read all of your messages and the many suggestions and links you have sent me (some of which I have incorporated into my regimen). You sent me things that I had not even seen before (and I have spent hours upon hours researching alternative cancer treatments). God bless you for that.
God bless Nadine, and the cast and crew of General Hospital and Gray's Anatomy who made personal video messages just for me to help lift my spirits. I cannot begin to express what those meant to me, and the spirit in which they were made. They made me smile and even cry. They were just mind blowing and incredibly sweet. Thank you......XOXO
I'm hanging in there. I have shared some very personal things with you on this journey and I won't stop now. I alternate between incredible fear and hopelessness to "I am going to make it" days. I go back and forth and that's probably to be expected. My doctors have basically written me off as a dead girl walking, but I can't look at things this way or I will collapse. I know that most people never make it past two years with Angiosarcoma (and that's with doing Chemo, which I have refused). I can't allow myself to be poisoned knowing what I know. Not only that, but it takes a combination of 3 brutal Chemo's combined to even begin to beat back this cancer and there is only a 17% survival rate after all that pain and suffering.
I would prefer to have a few good days left rather than having nothing but bad days every day only to die months later anyway. People ask if there will ever be a cure and the answer is no. There's just too much money in cancer. There's too much money in Chemo and Radiation for them to ever let us truly get a cure here in this country. Very large corporations and drug companies would collapse if we stopped dying from cancer (or stopped jumping on the poison train called Chemo and Radiation). Cancer is good business for this country and the medical industry. I am sickened by what I see and now realize. I am probably going to pass away no matter what I do, but I am going to to die fighting. I am doing it my way (strengthening my body with powerful antioxidants, juices, supplements, The Budwig Protocol, and ESSIAC). At least I will die trying and won't be slowly poisoned to death.
I have an appointment scheduled to see my Oncologist again on May 15, and will know a little bit more then. We know that it's in my Lymphnodes already (and that there may be Thorax involvement), but my hope is that the next PET scan might show that I have beaten those nodes back with all my efforts and lifestyle changes. He said he wanted another done to see where it has spread and to what extent in three months, which means I have another two months to hopefully beat some of this back. I have to try.
I am trying to keep myself as distracted as possible. I am focusing on positive energy and letting the negative float away as it can do nothing but harm me. Your love and support has been incredible. I am still teary eyed over seeing so many of you go to bat for me with the Brandon Barash situation. I expected the worst, but you surprised me, and made me realize how blessed I truly am. I love you for this and so much more. Please know that Brandon and I have worked it out, and we would like to move on (he left a very nice tweet out for me and I appreciate it very much).
In that vein, since many of you over here do not have Facebook, here are the updates I left out regarding the Brandon Barash situation just so you have the full picture instead of having only half. There are always two sides to every story. In the end, I am just glad we worked it out.....
Again, God bless you for standing by my side and being there with me throughout this entire nightmare. The past 6 months have been mind numbing. Thank you for cushioning the fall for me......
God bless you. May the lord hold you in his hands and keep you safe and warm.......XOXOXO
From Facebook April 27, 2012:
Guys, Thank you for letting me know privately what is going on (had no idea). I've tried to get a note to Brandon, but he doesn't have a message option on his page (and I'm not on Twitter). I've been doing these gossip columns for you since 2002 and casting scoops have always been my mainstay (sometimes I have been right and sometimes I have been wrong). I never discuss an actors private life. I've always tried to keep it as honorable as I can without getting into a performers personal dealings. Casting scoops and spoilers only. I realize that the cast of AMC and OLTL know me a bit more whereas the cast of GH is fairly new to me as I only began scooping for that show in 2008 (and then went on hiatus in 2009 for a year and a half). I don't even think Brandon realized what I do (gossip columnist for the soap genre) when he did that video. For me, I am just doing what I have always done, but for someone who doesn't know that this was just business as usual for me to pass on what I am hearing, it can turn into a mess. :(
Ironically enough, I found out that I was not the first to pass on that Johnny might be written out and that it looked like a done deal. I am told that Jamey's article at DC was sparked by the site that really began it all called "Critical List." I am unfamiliar with this site, but I am told I was late to the party on this one, however I seem to be the only one in the hot seat while the originator trots off into the sunset (just got an e-mail while writing this that apparently this same scoop was stated on some board as well by another insider days before Critical List even had it). I am being told that a couple of fans are fanning the flames and are actually telling Brandon that I have not stopped talking about this scoop. We have stopped discussing this issue and have moved on to cancer cures and other discussions out here. Whoever is doing this, I would really appreciate it if you would stop. You are actually making him angry when none of that is going on over here. I don't blame him for being upset. He thinks I am tearing up the town discussing it like crazy here and that's not happening. I would greatly appreciate it if you would please stop feeding this fire. I just now saw the tweet in question and you are actually antagonizing this man and taunting him using MY NAME! I let this thing go days ago!
With what I have on my plate right now, this is truly the last thing I needed. I'm a little heartbroken right now over this whole thing start to finish. I really admire Brandon very much. I loved his very sweet video, and I believed that if this was true that Johnny was indeed being written off, that this would only rally the fans to fight for him. It's worked in the past. The ruckus on Becky Herbts is a good example of this. I am just heartbroken here. For me, I was merely passing on what I was hearing as usual. I feel things deeply and so things can hurt me more sometimes than the next guy. I have always bared my soul to you and this time is no different (so many of us go way back). I know that actors have gotten angry with gossip columnists in the past, and it blows over, but this one hurts. I'm not sure I can continue to do this anymore.
The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt anyone. It's just not me. Some reporters or columnists would just shrug this off and keep reporting, but I'm not sure I can (and I truly mean that). If it is going to hurt people, than it's hard to take joy in it anymore. It used to fun for us all. We had all of these wonderful scoops and things that were going on backstage that were interesting and made things more fun and exciting for us all. I am dealing with a very serious health crisis as you know and this is pure toxin for me here today. This is not the stuff I need to take in right now. I am guessing Brandon does not realize that I was not even the first to put this out, and that this is NOT still being wildly discussed over here anymore (and how many times I have asked people to not carry my scoops over to other places). I didn't even put that out on my Voy site at all. Whoever is doing this, please stop using my name to beat the guy over the head with. If anyone knows of a way to get Brandon a message, please let me know because I am not on Twitter, and again, his Facebook does not have a messaging option. Very disappointing way to start the weekend. Just a bit heartbroken here. You guys have been such an incredible support system over the years. I'm sure the people who have always given me such a hard time out there will feed on this like sharks, but I didn't write my column all of these years for them. I wrote it for you. Just need to really rethink and regroup. I don't blame Brandon for being angry. Just thought I would keep you in the loop. Very sad today....
Response to Carol Banks Weber of Soapzone April 30, 2012:
"I love you Carol. I am so touched right now. I was just told how staunchly you have been defending me and it's incredibly sweet of you. You and I go way back. You have always had my back and I love you for it. Apparently a site called Critical List began the rumors of Brandon leaving. I am told a petition was then generated throughout Twitter to save Brandon Barash's job long before I had even passed anything on yet to my readers here at Facebook. I was just told by a fan over at my Voy site that Critical List has now suddenly updated, and changed the information they leaked about Johnny being killed off leaving me to take full blame (meanwhile I was trying to rally the fans around him to write the show in case the rumors were in fact true).
Lovely I know (I don't think anyone has even brought them up or the fact that the DC article was written long before I put anything out on Johnny period). It had nothing to even do with me initially (I was late to this party completely). When I heard it from my source as well, I was rallying the troops to help him. Then some individual who I do not even know was apparently on Twitter speaking for me and making it appear as if I was continuing to insist that he was let go, which never happened as I dropped the subject days ago. Talk about not checking facts, obviously some never bothered to check theirs first when it came to me. What I didn't expect is to get so much support from the fans out there and that was a really unexpected gift. I assumed the worst and I was wrong. Not everyone is a backstabbing creep. This weekend was probably the last thing I needed feeling the way that I do and facing what I am facing healthwise, but in the whole scheme of things I realize how insignificant it is. Trying to beat this cancer is far more important than a soap scoop. Bless you. I love you. I always have and I always will. ♥
Last edited by author: Thu May 03, 2012 15:50:20
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Silent-Until-Now, 20:44:09 05/03/12 Thu [1]
Raven, SO GOOD to hear from you. The important thing IS you concentrating on taking in all the love and support you really do have out here. Know that we are here with you, praying for you, sending positive energy & positive thoughts your way. Let that be fuel for your determination and strength when you might feel a tad low on fuel. You are truly Loved.
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Lee, 10:54:37 05/05/12 Sat [1]
Very happy to get an update from you. Positive thoughts and energies sent your way daily.
As for BB, I follow him on twitter and saw his tweets a few hours after he posted them. I immediately tweeted him several times with the site for Critical list so he could check for himself that it was posted there first.
Also mentioned how you have been pushing your many friends, followers for a year to fight to save GH
TOLD HIM he was doing an injustice to single out just you. He must have gotten several of the same messages because an hour later he sent out an apology to you, which you rightly deserved. I think he really was just overwhelmed and jumped the gun. He seemed sorry he did so. As you say, it is cleared up now.
If the writers had planned on writing him off, they probably reconsidered. LOL
But the main thing is you, your health, and the many friends who love and care about you.
God Bless
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Someone who cares, 01:26:17 05/04/12 Fri [1]
Thanks for taking the time to check in with us. We are always thinking of you. Stay strong, and maybe find a good funny book to read, if you're up for it. Meanwhile- I send you my love and support, and my family is sending you theirs as well.
mom of 3, + 1 raven :)
HUGS
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Jesus, 02:34:03 05/04/12 Fri [1]
To my Precious Princess, a child of the King, sent to display my splendor,
You ask me, “How can I say I am alive and well?” I’ll tell you how and why you can say this. HOW you can say it is by my Spirit that lives within you. You can believe things that you don’t believe because of my incredibly great Spirit that now lives inside of you. WHY you can say it is because my Spirit lives within you. I am the resurrection, and I am LIFE—right now, today! Anyone who believes in me lives, whether their body lives or dies, and everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all.
You have an actual piece of the very mind of the Christ living in you. Just exactly who is the Christ? It’s going to take you all of eternity to learn the answer to that question, but here’s a start. The Christ is the Messiah, the deliverer, the King of kings, the leader of the armies of heaven, the Holy One, the Anointed One, the Lord of Life, the Lord of lords, and the Lord of All! I am the prince of peace, the wonderful counselor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father. I am your provider, your defender, your glory, and the lifter of your head. I am the healer, the nurturer, the tender mother, the protecting father, the Lord your God, your Maker. I am the lover of your soul, I am all you need, I am the one you have been looking for all your life. I am the author and finisher of your faith.
Since you have my Spirit living in you, I want you to look at me for ALL your needs. I want you to see through my eyes—my eyes see purely. I want you to hear with my ears—my ears hear everything and discern perfectly. I want you to think my thoughts—my mind is filled with truth and life. I want you to feel with my heart—my heart is focused on you, so you focus your heart on me. I AM your life. Your life has been hidden with me in God. Spend your time, energy, and emotions with me. Bring every thought, every feeling, every question, every fear to me, and then be still and listen to me. Put your trust in me.
I know what I am asking you to do is hard, given your circumstances. It’s always hard. It’s very simple, but hard. You could never do it on your own, but you aren’t on your own—my Spirit lives inside you. The King of the universe is fighting your battle for you.
Did you know that not one sparrow dies apart from me? I am there for every single sparrow that has ever or will ever live! Aren’t you worth far more to me than a sparrow? I knew you before the world was ever formed. I saw you before you were born. I know how many hairs there are on your head right now, and how many hairs have been lost just today. I know every star in the heavens, and I call each one of them by name. If I care enough to name the stars, don’t you think I can take care of one for whom I was willingly whipped, beaten, and crucified?
I am the savior of the whole world, and I’m here saving you. My beautiful girl—you ARE alive and well, and this is only the beginning.
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Sandie, 02:39:26 05/04/12 Fri [1]
Raven, THANKS for taking the time to update us here. I know a lot of people have been anxious and concerned about you, but none of us want to be a burden or a drag on your time and energy. Whether we know what's going on, or not, God does--and He's what you need more than anything. He knows the condition of every cell in your body, and there's nothing He can't do. I pray that your roots will go deep into His marvelous love, and that you will come to know how deep, high, wide, and long His love is. It's more than I can comprehend!
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Laura C (HI Raven : )), 03:16:32 05/04/12 Fri [1]
I'm so glad to hear from you, and your journey. I'm also impressed by your decision to choose a more wholistic solution to fight your disease, and your fighting spirit. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Thanks for taking a moment to update us personally. It means so much to so many!
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Re: Update on me......................... -- mamajj, 04:42:31 05/04/12 Fri [1]
Raven, I come on everyday to see if you have updated. I was so glad to see you did today. Hang in there girl. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!! ♥
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Re: Update on me......................... -- MBmomof3 (hopeful), 05:57:35 05/04/12 Fri [1]
Raven, Thank you for taking the time to update us on how you are doing. I check on here regularly to see how things are going for you. Light & love your way everyday.
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Rant!, 07:25:50 05/04/12 Fri [1]
Raven, I need to rant! I will say my peace, and never bring it up again. I promise!
The reason so many people jumped to your defense is because we love you, and realized that this was the last thing on earth you needed. You have enough on your plate right now. There are a ton of gossip columnists who have crossed the line over the years in super ways, but to go after you over a ridiculous casting scoop that didn't even start with you was ridiculous and cruel. If you had him in bed with another cast member or something, I could understand, but this was over the top. If anything you were trying to save his job. He has nothing to worry about if the rumor is not true. Columnists have no bearing on an actors status with the show. He's either being written out or he's not. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else! If he is being let go from the show, you just helped him by drumming up a lot of support from the fans who don't want to see him leave. If he wants to talk about someone being low and repaying one's kindness, you don't humilate a much loved soap columnist who is dealing with terminal cancer publicly on twitter! A woman who has done nothing but fight to save you and your show! Try that one on for size buster! He didn't even bother to get his facts straight when he came after you! I'm also on your facebook, and you stopped talking about this whole thing days before that twitter crap even began! You were not keeping anything going! The "chatter" was not coming from you! This whole thing made yours fans very angry! He knew you were sick when he made that video for you. He knew you were sick when he tweeted that classless crap in an effort to humilate you (backfired badly on him). I have no idea who "Critical List" is, however I did hear the rumor about him being let go hours and even days before you said a thing! This was not started by you. If he wanted to go after someone, he should have chosen the site that clearly showed him as being written out. The site that began it all. He should have gone after the people who began the petition to save his job on twitter long before you said anything about the matter! What the hell was he thinking!
I tweeted him along with several others because it was incredibly vicious of him to use that video he made for you as an instrument to hurt you with. How dare him take away the joy you got from those! How dare he speak for everyone else who made them because he doesn't have a right to do that!
I loved what you posted on facebook about that actor contacting you over this. I couldn't have said it better:
Since when does ABC comment on rumors!
Yeah, since when do they ever speak to rumors! LMAO!
Okay, I'm done now. I was holding that in girl!
Now for you, never give up! Keep fighting every step of the way. We need you here. You are loved by so many people. I have never seen an outpouring like this over a columnist in my life. That's bound to spark jealousy and envy out there. Ignore the bullshit and suck in all the sunshine because you have lots of it coming your way. Heed what Catherine Hickland said on your wall. She's right! I'm so glad you have her and all of us too! There's a reason so many people care about you (and this was long before you got sick).
Stay strong! Buy yourself a Starbucks this weekend and be good to yourself!
Mama Bear Hugs!
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Tama;emama_, 09:31:29 05/04/12 Fri [1]
Thanks Rant, for saying what we all feel. Could not have expressed it any better! Love Love Love You Raven!
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Hallelujah! Amen!!, 09:41:27 05/04/12 Fri [1]
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Hospital worker, 10:51:33 05/04/12 Fri [1]
Hi Raven, I think you have the wrong idea believing that there may never be a cure for cancer due to, basically, corporate greed. I work in a cancer hospital and half of the hospital is dedicated to research and clinical trials. We are affiliated with a university with a mission to cure and eradicate cancer which is an ongoing joke that we are trying to put ourselves out of buisness. Anyway treating only cancer does not bring on as much money as you would think. Sure the drugs and radiation cost a lot but we only get a fraction of the cost we bill for from insurance companies. We are lucky if we get 10% from insurance and being in an urban area with many medicaid patients, we only get reimbursed the cost with no sort of profit. Cancer is such a complex disease with so many variations that i beleive it will take a while but cures are coming. Some cancer stricken people have been cured by the treatments available already. Perhaps you should reconsider chemotherapy. Last year we had a patient with unresectable angiosarcoma that responded great to avastin and he is still doing well. But whatever you choose i am praying for you and miracles are possible. I just wanted to let you know that there are people striving for cures and eradication out in the world. Stay strong!
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Tracy, 14:35:56 05/04/12 Fri [1]
The FDA has been in bed with the drug companies for years. Cancer is a huge business. It's all about greed and poison. I honestly don't blame Ravenbeauty at all. I lost my sister to cancer and I saw this crap up close and personal. If all you keep coming up with is more sophisticated types of poison, than you are not helping anyone. Enough with the cut-burn-poison crap that has been going on for years (looked up Avastin-pure poison-and super expensive too)! There are plenty of remedies out there that are not ordained or blessed by doctors here in this country that could save lives and cost pennies per day! Many die each year from your so called treatments! You sound like a nice person, but you are the exception and not the rule.
http://www.easyhealthoptions.com/alternative-medicine/the-truth-about-the-cancer-industry/
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/01/opinion/01brownlee.html
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Re: Update on me......................... -- AEH, 09:00:16 05/05/12 Sat [1]
I respectfully must admit that I don't understand this logic. In which countries are the inexpensive cures for cancer being used?
I think it's going to take a lot more research, not less, before this terrible disease is fully understood. Radiation and chemo are awful to go through--Ravenbeauty herself is suffering now because of the radiation used to treat her first bout of cancer. No wonder she is wary of it. But researchers are making progress towards a cure, and people don't go into research science for the money (my hubby is a scientist). I'm a supporter of alternative and integrative therapies too, BTW. I think people see all the suffering and dying from cancer (and cancer treatments) and then think that the Western scientific research approach is culpable. I don't think it is. Discoveries are being made but it's a long, slow process. As one example, Caltech engineer Dr. Mark Davis saw his wife suffering from terrible side effects, even deafness, from her chemo for breast cancer. Luckily, she's cancer free now, and he has been motivated to see if nanotechnology can cure breast cancer without all the suffering. His methods are now being tested in trials to see if they will work.
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Chemotherapy kills nothing but the patient., 14:46:30 05/07/12 Mon [1]
http://www.curenaturalicancro.com/2-physicians-refuse-chemo.html
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Anna P. (HUGS), 12:23:16 05/04/12 Fri [1]
Dear Ravenbeauty,
Thank you so much for writing to update all of us on how you are doing!
Sounds like you are doing so many healthy things that people are recommending. Keep on getting stronger!!
I love you, Raven!! HUGS!!!
Love, Anna P. NY
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Deborah M, 08:01:58 05/05/12 Sat [1]
I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration, and my thoughts/prayers are with you throughout all of this. I'm typically an NBC viewer, but I am a huge OLTL fan, and frequented this site often for spoilers. Thanks for the incredible work that you do each and everyday.
But, most of all, your winning spirit and perseverance truly shows why you are an inspiration to us all.
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Re: Update on me......................... -- wherly, 18:33:03 05/05/12 Sat [1]
Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. You and your loved one's are in my prayers.
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Angela, 07:52:37 05/06/12 Sun [1]
Still praying for your recovery. Hang in there!
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Re: Update on me......................... -- llanviewlovely, 10:07:54 05/06/12 Sun [1]
Raven, so good to hear from you again. I want you to know this and NEVER forget that so many people love you and are pulling for you. My mom & I pray for you each & everyday, please trust and believe that we serve an AWESOME & POWERFUL God who is STILL in the miracle working business who can do EVERYTHING but FAIL! You are not alone dear Raven.
As always sending healing rays of White light and peace to you, we love you!!!
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A special message for you. -- Someone who knows (don't even try guessing)., 13:28:59 05/06/12 Sun [1]
Raven,
It would blow your mind to know who I am but what I have to tell you is far more important. I am not going to address a certain actor's recent behavior here however I will tell you for absolute certainty that he does not speak for all of us. You are very dear to many. Making you the messiah for all the gossip that goes on out there was in poor taste. Do not give up doing what you enjoy. You have done a good job for many years (sometimes too good). Your fans obviously have your back. Do not ever let someone make you feel that it is time to stop doing what you love. We are all so saddened to hear of your illness. Nothing but love coming your way (ignore the rest). I can tell you that as an actor who knows quite well who you are, you are still very much revered among us. One does not speak for all. Hope this message is loud and clear. Do not stop the fight. Much peace and love to you.
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Re: A special message for you. -- Applause! Applause!, 09:17:54 05/07/12 Mon [1]
Raven will be so happy to see this when she checks in! I had a feeling this was true because actors still post really sweet notes on her facebook page! I would love to know who this is! Thank you for writing this for our Ravenbeauty! So glad you guys haven't been canceled! :)
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Ballerina (Dancingw/joy&defiance), 05:35:03 05/07/12 Mon [1]
So good to see you over here and letting us know how you are doing. The recent twitter skirmish with Mr.Barash is a warning to all to do their research and not jump in without looking where your're going first. I'm truly thankful that things have calmed down a bit. My prayers are ongoing for you and my admiration for your grace and courage are unshaken. As is my belief that you will be victorious. God bless. Sending you love and hugs, darlin'.
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Hannah (((((healing hugs))))), 12:37:18 05/07/12 Mon [1]
((((Ravenbeauty))))
I agree with your lovely anonymous friend - and it's time to do "good ignoring" (ie: selective ignoring) - - - I've seen some very sensitive people whose sole intentions were of defending themselves (or setting the records straight), but all too often they end up sounding insulting. Often, that was not their intention at all. Some people are great with words, and others aren't. *Not everyone has a magical way with words as you do, precious Ravenbeauty!* :)
I hope you know that your friendship, even distantly, always has been and always will be a blessing to me and all of your well wishers online and offline. I continue to pray for your healing every single day, with all of my heart and soul.
Love,
Hannah
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Re: Update on me......................... -- Maria, 06:45:31 05/08/12 Tue [1]
Ravenbeauty, you are doing it your way and I think we all salute you and support you.
Some years ago I wrote a story on a place in Palm Beach Florida called Hippocrates. I don't know your situation, but this is a place that employs all alternative treatments including diet, and the program has helped thousands of people from all over the world.
http://www.hippocratesinst.org/
If this is any use to you.
Bless you.
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Re: Update on me......................... -- guest, 07:21:03 05/08/12 Tue [1]
will always be thinking of you
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Re: Update on me......................... -- monika, 07:21:08 05/10/12 Thu [1]
Still thinking of you Raven, and praying for a good outcome.
I hope that you have been enjoying the recent GH eps -- Finola Hughes and Tony Geary are nothing short of magic. Those of us who know them decades back, well, what an amazing treat. Like a fine wine, they only get better and better.
And today Roger Howarth...! All I can say is -- wow.
Ditto Kelly Monaco and Micheal Easton -- what amazing chemistry. Together, they take their characters to a whole new level.
I hope all of this is a restorative tonic, helping your body fight the cancer.
All my best to you.
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