Subject:  ***for Shani (what my grandfather said) |
Author:
lara
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Date Posted: 19:47:20 08/17/05 Wed
In reply to:
mrsk
's message, "Re: Mrsk--Why not try Yerba Mate?" on 18:37:53 08/17/05 Wed
Shani,
Please know that we are here for you. So go ahead and vent, vent, vent, and then VENT some more! What I think you need to realize, something we all need to realize, is how much we are actually helping each other when we write on this forum. Writing helps the reader as much as it helps the writer face the issue, our negative coping. What I mean is that by sharing our struggles with the group, we are confronting our eds as eds, we are acknowledging that they are not working for us, that they are only self-destructive.
It's been rocky for all of us lately; and Shani, it sounds like you know that what you are doing is not helping. It's only hurting you. See if there is something positive you can do for yourself, something that doesn't involve food or have anything to do with your appearance. I've recently started doing yoga and it has made a world of difference, giving me a new outlook on things. Why not start journaling your emotions? What about writing poetry, drawing, doodling, making bracelets? You could go to a craft store and wander the isles. You could set some kind of personal goal that has nothing to do with your appearance. You could try something new.
Just recently I remembered something my grandfather said to me before he passed. He never commented about my ed; even when I was hospitalized he said nothing. It was like he could separate me from ana, something no one else could do, something I couldn't do. But for some reason he brought it up about a month before he died. I guess he knew he was leaving us. He pulled me aside, looked me in the eye, and very softly said, "You don't have to do this to yourself." This was 4 years ago and I hadn't really thought about it until a month ago. I pushed to the back of my mind and never really thought about the significance of his words. He was right you know: We don't have to do this to ourselves. We don't have to be martyrs.
I hope I haven't come off preachy or anything. I'm just trying to help.
I'll be thinking of you,
Lara
>>Thanks all for the messages. I am definitely going
>>through one of the worst phases I've been in for a
>>long time. I've been purging almost everyday for a
>>few weeks now. I've been trying to find a way to stop
>>without screwing up some other part of my body and it
>>doesn't help that I haven't had time to exercise. So
>>it's been a stressful few weeks working, coming home
>>later than I'd like (9 or 10 PM after going in at 7:30
>>AM), eating dinner (as healthy as I can) and then
>>realizing that I'm going to be going to bed a short
>>while after and not being able to sleep with all of
>>that food in my stomach. So then I purge and go
>>outside to smoke a cigarette instead of getting more
>>food. Because I am still so hungry from that being my
>>only meal of the day. I'm just in this weird place of
>>trying not to go back to laxatives, but looking for
>>some kind of alternative.
>>
>>Anyways...sorry to dump that on y'all. Just don't
>>know what to do really.
>
>
>I hope that you start feeling better very soon.
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