| Subject: Re: self- group...CONGRADULATIONS!? |
Author:
lara
|
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Date Posted: 06:41:57 07/21/05 Thu
In reply to:
bittersweet
's message, "Re: self- group...CONGRADULATIONS!?" on 22:07:51 07/20/05 Wed
I have been in a mixed bag inpatient program, where I was the only inpatient with an ed, all other ed patients were outpatients at the time. This was Hell. I have also been in an exclusive ed program with a number of inpatients, including myself, and a number of outpatients. The exclusive program was a what saved my life. It was organized wonderfully and the girls I met helped me see myself and recognize my distorted way of thnking. BUT when it comes to competition, it depends on where YOU are at with yourself. If you go into the program and are currently trying to lose weight, you are going to compare yourself to others. Certainly, everyone thinks that everyone else is thinner, it's just how eds work, but it is how you interpret this and the power you give to this that is key. If you go in and are willing to work to acccept youself, not the ed, the group could be very good for you. I must say that I made real conections in both programs, including one of my best friends.
lara
>>outpatient? I was a 70lb inpatient, all bones, and
>>even at that point I thought I didn't "look" ana. Keep
>>in mind that everyone will feel that way, it is the
>>distorted thinking of the ed. My recommendation is
>>that when you go try to concentrate on yourself, not
>>compare yourself to others, be open, and HONEST with
>>yourself and your feelings, identify the source .
>>Honesty is key, acknowledging your ed, not down
>>playing. If your not honest, there is no point of
>>going to the group.
>>
>>good luck. keep us updated.
>>
>>lara
>>
>>>>hello everyone!
>>>>
>>>>okay so apparently i was on this waiting list (for
>>>>like 8 months) for an outpatient group that i
>thought
>>>>would benefit me when i was in the outpatient
>program
>>>>(8 months ago) it's called "Self-group" and is for
>>>>people with issues like identity problems,
>>>>dissasociation, trauma, body dysmorphic disorder,
>and
>>>>well, i think there will be a lot of ED-ers
>>>>there...which makes me nervous..
>>>>
>>>>i got a phone call a few days ago asking me if i'm
>>>>still interested...i said yes and i'm gonna go there
>>>>tomorrow to check it out. i guess i'm just really
>>>>freaked out because i dont feel i "look" like i have
>>a
>>>>problem. even in the program 8 months ago i tended
>to
>>>>downplay the ED and work more on my anxiety and OCD
>>>>instead...i also saw a few people there that weigh
>>>>probably 70 lbs- i'm 30 lbs heavier than that and
>>just
>>>>feel like they will look at me funny and think i
>dont
>>>>need to be there or something. i'm so screwed up
>that
>>>>i'm actually jealous of them. the ana's that are
>>>>starving to death...i know it's terrible and i'm
>>>>probably terrible too. i guess i just dont want them
>>>>to say i'm not "thin enough" to have a problem...
>>>>
>>>>a few years ago i was diagnosed as anorexic
>>(diagnosed
>>>>but never treated) then i made the switch to
>EDNOS--i
>>>>just feel like the "true" anorexics are in a hell of
>>a
>>>>lot more trouble than i am, and maybe i dont need to
>>>>be there so they wont judge me or something....okay,
>>>>am i crazy??? sorry for all that, i'm just really
>>>>nervous- i'm always scared people wont like me..it's
>>>>extremely childish, but a real fear....
>>>>
>>>>sorry for the length
>>>>
>>>>~jane~
>>>
>>>
>
>thanks for the congrats! =) it's all outpatient, so
>that probably means everyone will be at their "target
>weights". it's just the competetive side of me that is
>so screwed up, ya know? when you were in inpatient (or
>outpatient), did you notice a lot of jealously or
>competetiveness between the girls? did the ana's get
>along with the mia's and all that? it worries me,
>because i've never been in a group exclusively for
>eating disorders...i've never even really had friends
>with EDs (besides you guys of course)
>part of me is worried it's just gonna be like high
>school all over again.
>
>so the update on "self-group" is that i'm gonna have
>to wait a few months...today sucked a little. they had
>to do sort of an interview process before i could go
>in (which was only supposed to take a few minutes) and
>the bad news is since i dont have a therpist at the
>moment, and they assumed i did, i cant attend...she
>also said i need something that targets only eating
>disorders instead of a "mixed bag" of topics
>(damnit)...so she's calling the outpatient eating
>disorders program (which freaks me out a HELL of a lot
>more) and trying to get me in ASAP before i can go to
>the self group...so my initial nervousness in being in
>a group with a few ED-ers is now full blown panic of
>being in groups with all ED-ers! i know i need to
>focus on myself and all that, it's just really hard.
>i'm mostly scared of people talking about me behind my
>back...i have extreme social anxiety problems and
>probably paranoia or something...
>
>so she wants to meet with me again tomorrow to see
>what we can find out about getting me a therapist and
>into the ED program....part of me is really hoping
>there isn't an opening- but i'll try to keep my
>spirits up. i dont think i've ever been so NERVOUS! as
>much as i hate my ED, living without it terrifies me
>to the point of suffocation. it's just not something i
>feel i can let go of. not only does it comfort me, but
>it IS me...it's my whole sense of self, how i deal
>with situations. i live and breathe calories,
>exercise, scales, mirrors. i'm scared of what i'm
>going to find underneath. maybe nothing.
>
>anyways,
>thanks again for all the support ladies-i can always
>count on you =)
>
>~jane~
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