| Subject: Re: Little Details C5/8 |
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fananicfan
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Date Posted: 10:42:06 07/12/07 Thu
In reply to:
fananicfan
's message, "Little Details" on 11:25:09 07/08/07 Sun
If the column in the margin that says 'msgs' means messages, I'm sorry that I don't know how to access them so please post them after the chapters or email me. If you've asked me a question about any of my stories, I didn't answer because I didn't get it.
CHAPTER 5 – Miscommunication Still A Problem
Monday, January 16, 2006
Mac woke after three hours of sleep. She was aggravated with herself for letting Harm close himself off from her without putting up more of a fight and she was angry with him for not talking to her. She'd told him that he could talk to her, and he had earlier in the day. She rolled away from him, turning her back to him and felt some remorse in doing so, but it was minor until it struck her that he might take her rolling away from him as a sign that she wasn't being supportive of both his voiced and unvoiced worries. She was about to roll over and resume her place from moments before when he rolled over, wrapped his arm around her waist and snuggled up against her back. He must have taken her movement only as a sign that she needed to find a more comfortable position to sleep in.
Mac wanted to scream at him, but they saw so little of each other that she didn’t want to fight. She wanted to make him talk to her, but that would probably result in fighting. Her mind couldn’t stop thinking about how to handle the situation with Harm, so sleep came in spurts until morning.
Mac showered and dressed before going into the kitchen to come up with something for breakfast. She could slice the fruit, but not with the plastic knife, which was the only utensil she had. She took note of the time and checked on Harm. He seemed to be sleeping soundly, so she slipped on her coat and grabbed her purse.
On the road to the store, an alternate solution to him selling everything came to her. She returned from the store with a handful of things: two muffins, a small stainless knife, and a package of disposable plates. She sliced the fruit and placed it on a plate. Then she placed the muffins on another plate and made two cups of instant coffee before performing a balancing act up the stairs with the two cups and two plates.
When she reached the bedroom, he was on his back, the covers covering him from mid torso down. “Harm,” she said loudly enough to cause him to stir. “I’ve got breakfast.”
Harm woke at the sound of his name and opened his eyes as she announced that she had breakfast. “Morning,” he said as he moved into a position that allowed him to reach for the plates that she'd balanced on top of each cup in her hands.
He placed the plates down on the bed and moved to more of a sitting position with his back propped against pillows.
Mac sat down on the bed and took a sip of her coffee while he got comfortable. “Instant just isn’t real coffee. I say we pick up a cappuccino at a drive-thru on the way to Blacksburg,” she said as she offered him his cup now that he was sitting up.
Harm took a sip from his cup and agreed to get their second cup on the way out of town. Mac wasn’t sure if this was the best time, but she wanted to tell him about the plan that she’d thought of. She waited for each of them to have a few bites of breakfast before she spoke.
“Harm...” she said before pulling off a piece of muffin. “...when I went out this morning, I thought of two options for your things. Do you want to hear them?” She popped the piece of muffin in her mouth and waited for his answer.
Harm lifted his eyebrow in that unique way of his and looked her in the eye. “If you’ve got a dispassionate plan, I’m all ears. You haven’t steered me wrong yet.” He lowered his eyebrow and gave her a warm smile.
Mac knew that he was referring to comments that she’d made in Russia and she got a warm, fuzzy feeling knowing that he remembered more from that time than just learning the fate of his father. “In a few weeks, you’ll be moving, so option one is that you live in officers' quarters in Italy and store your household goods until you move to San Diego. You can put the money away that you save in rent and keep everything.”
“That works as long as you don’t visit me in the next year.”
“With the money that you’re saving each month, if we’re able come for a visit, we'll be able to afford a hotel. It won’t be a problem. Option two...you could get a place in Naples or bank more money by combining it with option number one...you could drive your car to San Diego as soon as you’re able to get leave, but not to sell. We'll have the car that Frank has been letting me use since Mattie and I arrived, because Frank told Mattie that she can use it to get her driver’s license, but the condo has two covered parking spots, so there's room for the 'Vette, too. If you don’t think that's enough money to put away each month, then you could sell this place. You put a lot of work into making this place what it is. Plus, it does have some sentimental value…” Her lips spread, and a shy girl smile appeared. “It is the first place where you told me you loved me. You really should think about it more before you decide.”
That particular smile of hers was a very special one, and always stirred protective and loving feelings in him. “What about the plane?” he inquired, trying not to give away how much he wanted to simply put his arms around her and hold her at the moment.
“You keep the plane.”
He didn’t say anything. He just looked at her. She might not understand his love of flying, but she supported his need to do it anyway. It was one of the things that he loved about her.
She was sure that his silence meant that he was thinking about the options that she’d given him, but there was something more that she needed to say. “There’s one more thing that I want to talk to you about.” She paused. “Houses and college funds are good reasons to save, and wanting to put money away in case I need it to have a baby is very sweet, but I don’t want you selling off things that are important to you because I want to have a baby.”
Harm corrected her. “We want to have a baby.”
She gave him a warm, loving smile. “Exactly, and we need to save. We can open a joint savings account and each put in a set amount every week or month.”
His smile was bright and his eyes sparkled. “You mean you want to go halves on a kid?”
“I believe that was the deal, wasn’t it?”
“It was, so we’ll start a savings plan together, and I’ll decide about my things after I’ve thought over the options you’ve given me.” She gave him a gratified smile, and he reached for the last slice of apple on the plate. “Last piece, you want to split it?” he asked before placing one end in his mouth and holding it securely between his teeth.
She leaned across the plates and took a bite off the end of the apple slice. He pulled the remaining piece of apple out of his mouth. “You didn’t take half.”
“If I took half, we’d end up being late. If we’re going to have time to stop for cappuccino, you need to get moving.”
“You’re no fun,” he said before popping the remainder of the apple slice in his mouth and flicking the covers back to get out of bed.
He got out of bed and headed to the shower as she responded, “If you weren’t leaving tonight, I’d show you how much fun I can be.”
He turned slightly and replied before scurrying into the shower. “Then I expect some fun tonight, because I’m not leaving until tomorrow.”
After Harm had completed his morning routine and he was dressed and ready to leave the apartment, Mac suggested that she drive since they’d have to drive the rental car. He agreed, knowing that it would give him an opportunity to look over his case in the car on the drive out to Blacksburg. Harm grabbed the files for all four murders, and they left the apartment. After a stop for coffee, they were on their way to Blacksburg.
During the drive, Mac asked about his case. Harm told her about it, including the big news that he was sure that the prosecutor hadn’t given JAG the case out of the goodness of his heart, but as a means to have time to try to find a connection between his client and the other three victims. When Harm told Mac about the bruises on Ensign Rodgers' face and arms that indicated that she’d fought back, but the other victims hadn’t, Mac’s comment was that it sounded like the first three victims knew the attacker in some way.
The conversation was getting a bit morbid for two people on their way to have fun with a six year old, so the conversation was changed to why he wasn’t going to Norfolk tonight. Not that she wanted him to, but she was curious as to why he wasn’t. Harm and Bud had worked it out after dinner last night. Bud was leaving after their family dinner today. Harm said that having to leave at near dawn in the morning to meet Bud in Norfolk was worth it to have another night with her. Mac’s head was floating in the air among the clouds from his sweet sentiment. He said that he was going to try to commute between Norfolk and Washington for the next few days while she was in town, but there was no guarantee that he’d be able to do it. It depended on how the case unfolded.
As they exited the interstate, the conversation turned to what activity Mac had planned for today. Mac said that lunch and miniature golf were on tap. She’d gotten the idea from Harriet, and they’d found directions online to a local place. Mac knew that his next question would be about the weather and she was ready with an answer. "Online, it said that they're open year round. They have an arcade and pizza party area that mother nature doesn’t mess up. The website also said that golf is available year round as long as there's no snow or standing water on the courses."
They arrived at the Potter home at 1115 and knocked on the door. Mrs. Potter answered the door and greeted them. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Rabb. Tyler has changed clothes three times, wanting to look just right. He’s so excited. Do you know what you’re doing with him so that I can check to make sure that he has on something appropriate?”
Mac told Miss Nancy, as she preferred to be called in front of the children, their plan before Miss Nancy went to get Tyler.
Miss Nancy returned with Tyler who was wearing blue jeans and a red polo shirt. "I told him that I thought this outfit would be fine, but I didn’t tell him where he was going." After he donned a jacket, they were off.
They selected a fast food restaurant where Ty, as he was still going by today, informed them that milkshakes were a favorite of his, especially chocolate.
After lunch, it was off to miniature golf. They played an 18-hole game of golf and then moved into the arcade to warm up and then it was back outside for another 18-hole game, but this time, they selected a different course. After the second round of golf, it was back inside to the arcade. Mac saw a photo booth and wanted to get a picture of Tyler to take back to Mattie, but later, during the ride back to the apartment, Harm would tease her, though it was an exaggeration, that she’d spent more on photos than the rest of the day had cost.
Because of concern over time constraints, they dropped off Tyler at a few minutes to four instead of closer to four thirty. They were glad that they’d come back early because Ms. LeMoine was already there, waiting to see how the afternoon had gone. She spoke briefly to Tyler who proudly showed off his strip of three photos taken of the three them in the photo booth. Leaning into Ms. LeMoine in what he probably thought was a whisper, but Harm and Mac could hear, he said, “I don’t think Harm wanted to be in the pictures, but Mac got him to do it.” Everyone smiled, and Ms. LeMoine told Tyler that it was time to say goodbye to Harm and Mac so they could go home.
Mac bent down to speak to the little boy, but he wrapped his arms around her neck. He hugged Mac and then shook Harm’s hand as he had yesterday.
Ms. LeMoine walked out with Harm and Mac, carrying a manila envelope. She spoke with them about how she could tell that Tyler had enjoyed his afternoon with them. Before she let the couple leave, she wanted to plant the idea of them adopting Tyler. “I know that you came today to keep Tyler from losing hope of being adopted, but from the looks of the smiles in those pictures that he’s showing off, all of you enjoyed the afternoon.” She offered the envelope to Mac. “I know that it's presumptuous of me, but I put together a packet of what you’d need to do in order to adopt him. If you decide to adopt him, the application is the first thing you’ll need to fill out. If you fax it to me, I’ll personally deliver a copy to get the ball rolling, and you can mail in the original. Think about it.” Ms. LeMoine had had her say, so she bid them farewell and watched them drive away, hoping that she’d hear from them soon.
Mac had intended to drive back, but Ms. LeMoine’s words had given her something to think about and she asked Harm if he’d mind driving instead. They rode in silence most of the way, but a little more than half way back to Washington, Harm spoke on a neutral topic by asking where he should stop for dinner. After the dinner discussion had ended with a decision to pick up some take-out Chinese and eat back at the loft, Harm didn't venture into the topic that he wanted to discuss. It really wasn't a good place to have a serious talk.
Mac was still quiet once they'd arrived at the apartment and she just picked at her dinner. Harm didn't think that she'd eaten more than three bites, so he decided that it was time to ask.
“You want to adopt him, don’t you?”
“No, I want us to adopt him, but you don’t want him, so there's no point in talking about it. I just wish that you’d tell me why so I’d understand. While you were sleeping last night, I came up with reasons, most of which led me to believe something that I don't want to face because I love you so much. I don't want to think that our marriage was a mistake.”
Her voice was a blend of anger and hurt. Harm was in shock. He'd thought that, by not telling her his reason, he wouldn't hurt her, but instead, he'd hurt her and made her question their marriage. He reached over, took her hands in his and pulled them to his chest, placing them over his heart. “Mac, I don’t know what reasons you've come up with, but our marriage wasn’t a mistake." He paused, hoping to find the words that he needed to repair the damage that he'd caused.
Mac pulled her hands away from him. “It was a mistake if you don't want to raise a child with me,” she spat out and marched towards the bedroom.
He was up on his feet and following her in less than a second. "Mac," he called as she hurried her pace up the steps to the bedroom.
She was angry, but she didn't understand. He spoke to her back, hoping that she'd hear his words and give him time to explain. “I do want a child with you. I want us to have a family. We made a deal, and I’m not backing away from going through with it.”
She was too angry to look at him, so she stood with her back to him and kept him from saying more by firing off, "All that was before the problems with Mattie. You think that I'm a bad mother now and you've changed your mind."
He was behind her, but her last shot needed to be answered head on. He put his hand on her arm and turned her to face him. She didn't look him in the eye, so he took his index finger, slipped it under her chin and lifted her head to make sure that her eyes met his. “No, I don’t. If anything, it proves the opposite to be true, that you’re a good mother. You were patient, loving and understanding of her ‘growing pains’ and you’re there for her everyday. My reluctance has nothing to do with your parenting skills.”
There was no mistaking the honesty and sincerity in his eyes. Her voice softened and her question came out as a plea for him to tell her. "I've seen you with Mattie. You're a good dad, and I can tell that Tyler already thinks the world of you, so I don't understand." She paused to let him say something, but she remembered another reason that she'd thought of last night. "Is it because he's a boy and you want your son to be yours? Is that it?"
Harm knew that he couldn't let her guess anymore. The reasons that she was coming up with were too extreme. "No, that’s not it. It's that I can't be a dad…if I'm not there." Mac didn't respond, letting his words sink in, but he couldn't handle the silence. "Mattie's older, so I wasn't really raising her. I was more of a mentor or guide, though I'd like to think that I did it in a fatherly way. Tyler's younger, and it's important for a boy to have a dad at his age. I don't want you to raise our child by yourself. I want to be there."
Mac saw the moisture that was threatening to fall from his eyes and knew that he'd told her the truth. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him to her. She felt a deep sigh escape him. Trying to lighten the mood, she whispered in his ear, "See why you should talk to me? When I have to come up with the answers on my own, I tend to get carried away. I'm sorry."
"Me, too," he whispered back. He took a deep breath before speaking again. "I should have told you, but I wasn't sure how you'd feel about my reason. You could have thought that I was just making up an excuse or maybe you wouldn't understand my reason or…whatever my concern about telling you, I want you to know that I never intended to hurt you or to shut you out."
Their lips met in a tender kiss of support and understanding. When their lips parted, Harm spoke, "I don't think that I've ever said it before, but thank you for taking in Mattie and doing such a good job, even when she was being difficult. You're going to be a wonderful mother."
"Thanks, it means a lot to me that you noticed and that you appreciate what I've tried to do." She paused. “And, Harm, our marriage wasn't a mistake."
Relieved that she'd revoked her statement about their marriage, his lips slowly came to hers and administered a smoldering kiss as his hands moved from her hips and around her back until his arms wrapped around her. The kiss deepened, and only the need for air finally forced them to part.
"You want to finish dinner?" Mac asked breathlessly. "Or can we skip it for now and have makeup sex." His arms pulled her closer to him, and their lips came together again.
After the ‘makeup sex’ session had been completed, they were then able to define it. Makeup sex: though at least one of you were earlier questioning why you were even with your partner, once you've reached an agreement, the need to be physically with the other becomes too urgent for pure lovemaking, so with a heightened sense of need, the loving matches the urgency to renew the partnership with a fast paced loving that results in pleasure and confirmation that you're together for a reason.
Lying together after sex didn't last too long because both of them had work to do. They got up, and Mac slipped on a robe while Harm put his boxers back on. Mac reheated their dinner and then they ate. While Mac cleaned up the kitchen and prepared her uniform for tomorrow, Harm went over the materials that he had on the case one more time, but still nothing significant came to him. Mac was in bed reading when Harm came up to ready his uniform for his early morning departure and check his bag to be sure that it was ready, too.
When departure preparations were finished, he turned and looked at Mac in bed. She had the sheet pulled up to just above her breasts, but there were no straps showing, and he knew that she'd merely slipped back out of her robe and had nothing on under the sheet. He moved towards his side of the bed. “You remember our talk this morning about the car, the plane and the apartment?" he asked.
She looked up from her book and nodded.
"You and I had another first here," he said with a devilish grin as he pulled back the sheet before tugging at his boxers. “Right here on this very bed, as I recall," he said as he stepped out of his boxers and got into bed.
Mac creased the corner of the page that she was on before closing her book. She turned slightly to place the book on the nightstand and felt his moist lips kissing along the edge of her shoulder blade in the center of her back as his hands on her arms held her in place. It wasn't like she wanted to move, because being in his arms and knowing that he loved her was a feeling that she hadn’t yet learned to describe.
After making love, they lay tangled together in a state of bliss in silence for a few minutes. She began to draw circles on his chest with her fingertips, and he knew that she wanted to say something. It was only a few more moments before she spoke. “It’s okay that you don’t want to adopt Tyler. I do understand your reason.”
He reached for her hand that was on his chest to still it. “I do want us to have a family.”
Content that they might be making progress in the area of communication, they fell into a peaceful sleep.
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