| Subject: ...For Meritorious Service, Chapter 12 |
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TxJAG_b
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Date Posted: 19:50:45 08/14/11 Sun
In reply to:
TxJAG_b
's message, "...For Meritorious Service, Chapter 1" on 10:48:20 04/12/11 Tue
...For Meritorious Service, Chapter 12
Mac felt as if all the air and all the energy had been sucked out of her. Bleary eyed from threatening tears, she stumbled into her room and dropped down onto her rack. She was so mad and frustrated right now she couldn't see straight--at the same time a cold ball of fear gripped her. Despite her fear of losing Harm--the one thing that made any sense in her life right now--she didn't want to be treated like a damsel in distress. But, if she lost her Flyboy again--after all they been through recently—well, she wouldn't care if she died right now. Things had been going so well, and then this had to happen.
She fell over onto her bunk silently crying, her whole body shaking from the quiet sobbing that coursed through her. But at the same time, she couldn't believe his gall; his charging in there like the great protector! Why did he do it!? He knows better, make that he should know better by now, how that makes her feel-plus it was stupid and foolish. (Briggs is going to blow a gasket when he finds out and its Harm's own damn fault for going overboard, nearly accusing Livingston of being involved in those threats against me. Did I say I need protecting? Did he listen to me? Hell no, that would have been too easy! Now everyone will think I am some poor defenseless female who needs a big strong protector!) She angrily thought, as she swiped at the tears running down her face. Damn, she hated crying like this!
She wanted to reason with him but as usual, he made it so hard. He always had. Just like all men, Harm thought she needed protecting and his insistence on doing that infuriated her and so they blew up at each other--again. It was like a vicious circle that neither could steer clear of. She honestly thought that when they became more than just casual friends, this kind of garbage would stop. But it didn't; in fact, if anything, it became more intense. Now Harm was talking about leaving JAG-again and the way he sounded, this time it might be for good.
Mac saw the scene replay over and over again in her mind, like a stuck video recording. How she wished she could obliterate those images. The one though that she wanted to forget the most, was the haunted, hurt look on Harmon Rabb, Jr.'s face, as he turned away from her and stalked off into the desert.
Somewhere between the recriminations and sobs, Mac drifted off into an uneasy sleep. But slumber brought no respite to her tortured mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In her mind's eye, she could see Harm standing before her, looking at her accusingly. Then like the sun breaking through the clouds, his demeanor changed. That sunny, thousand watt smile broke out on his face; warming her heart and making her feel like maybe they could work through this...
Hey Ninja-Girl, you know I could never stay mad at you long....
Before she could reach out to touch him, the scene changed; a dark uniformed figure pointed at her.
Be Careful Colonel….
Mac felt uneasy. She wanted to see Harm again, to see his smile. But, when she saw him again, he looked worried. He was dressed in a flight suit, and wearing his aviator helmet stenciled with the name HAMMER.
She heard those dreadful voices again...
Missiles inbound...
Brace for impact...
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Harm burst into flames right before her eyes, consumed until he became a burnt skeleton.
I love you Mac.…
She ran screaming from that image, only to find herself in the desert, looking up as a SAM missile exploded near the tail of an F-14 fighter jet.
She watched horrified as the plane's tail was shredded. It veered wildly out of control, smoke blossoming from the damage. Miraculously, two men ejected from the doomed Tomcat. Both cleared the jet as it disintegrated. She watched as they dangled limply from their parachutes. She saw the one closest to her hit the ground with a sickening thud. She ran over to the still form of the pilot. Dread filled her. It was Harm, she just knew it was.
The body did not move. She looked at the helmet. HAMMER was stenciled on it. Gently she turned the body over. She was greeted by Harm's sightless eyes staring back at her, a trickle of blood running down from his nose and the corner of his mouth. His neck was obviously broken. As she cradled Harm's face, his eyes blinked. She stifled a scream.
OH DEAR GOD!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mac bolted upright on her bunk. That last voice was still echoing in her mind as it always did when she came out of that dream. It sounded like her, but at the same time, it didn't sound like her. She quickly scanned the room, it seemed unusually bright to her, then she remembered she hadn't turned off any of the lights. It was just as she had left it when she walked in right after...her fight with Harm. Oh God, what had she done? Had she just signed his death warrant?
She jumped off the bed. Mac had to get away from it. There would be no sleep as long as these nightmarish images tortured her.
Mac started to pull open the door and walk outside into cool desert night, but stopped in her tracks. She thought about going over to the guys' side of the VOQ, but what would she say?
(Um, hi, sorry to wake you, I had a bad dream about Harm dying...smooth MacKenzie), she thought ruefully to herself, (That will go over real well.)
She sighed. Instead Mac decided she would just go outside, like she did last night. Only Harm wouldn't be there to help comfort her – (Dammit, I made good and sure that wouldn't repeat itself!) She wrenched the door open to see Bud and Sturgis standing at the door. They looked surprised and somewhat embarrassed to see her standing there.
Mac couldn't hide the exasperation in her voice. "What you two doing here?"
The two Navy officers looked sheepishly at each other. "Well, Bud and I, we thought--"
The Marine Lieutenant Colonel finished the thought for him. "You thought you would just check up on me, right?"
"Well since all these threats started, we thought it might be a good idea to check in on you, yeah." Sturgis said somewhat defensively.
She shook her head disbelief. "Uh-a bed check, Sturgis? I'm not fourteen you know."
He rolled his eyes at her comment. "Mac," he began then stopped for a moment -- something was wrong. "What are you doing up at this hour, anyway?"
She brushed past them and sat down hard on the steps in front of her barracks. "I'm getting a little air, is that all right?" Tears were threatening to spill again, and she didn't want that and maybe getting outside would help.
Bud and Sturgis looked at each other, not sure what to do. Mac sat on the step, staring straight ahead. A stubborn tear slipped down her cheek.
Bud moved toward her. "Ma'am? Are you crying?"
She hastily wiped at her face, "Sorry, just feeling a little emotional, Bud."
Sturgis shook his head and let out a weary sigh as he walked over. "Mac, do you want to talk about it?"
"Where do I begin?" she said looking at both of them.
"Harriet tells me at the beginning is usually a good place to start, Ma'am."
"My Dad would agree Mac, start at the beginning...."
Mac gave Bud Roberts and Sturgis Turner a watery smile and motioned for them to sit down next to her.
They slowly sat down on the steps next to Colonel MacKenzie. All three sat in silence for a few moments.
"Look, this is silly,” Mac began to get up, "I'll just go back--"
"Mac," rumbled Sturgis in his deep bass voice. "This is about Harm, isn't it?"
She stopped and slowly sat back down.
Her expression softened as she gave him a slight nod. Slowly, carefully he reached out and put his arm around her, giving her shoulder a light, hopefully reassuring, squeeze. "It's going to be okay, Mac." Despite her best intentions to shrug off this supportive gesture, Mac felt herself relax just a little bit.
"It will work out Ma'am." replied Bud, trying to sound upbeat. "The Commander will come back."
Her relaxed moment evaporated. She looked up at Bud, her expression becoming one of puzzlement. Her eyebrows knit up in concern and confusion. "You heard?"
Bud babbled on oblivious to her change in demeanor. "Yes Ma'am, the MP told us what happened--"
The MP! Mac had forgotten all about the man who had gone with them to Colonel Livingston's office. (Damn! Can this get any worse?!)
Bud finally noticed the change in her expression and hurried to do damage control. "Don't worry Ma'am, he told us he wouldn't say anything."
"Us?!" Her stunned eyes focused on Sturgis. He let go of her as if he had been shot.
"Uh, y- yes M-Ma'am," stammered Bud, not wanting to incur the Colonel's wrath. "Commander Turner and I--"
"Mac, the man will keep his word." Sturgis said quickly, "I told him I would prosecute him if he told anyone else."
Sturgis' joke was supposed to lighten the mood, but it fell flat. Mac was mentally assessing the damage done by their revelation in front of the MP. (Great! That's just peachy MacKenzie. That explains Sturgis comforting me like this - he and Bud know we've had another fight! And a very public one at that.)
"Okay, so how much do you two know?"
Bud and Sturgis looked at each other, and then at the ground in front of them.
"Pretty much everything, Mac." admitted Sturgis.
"Yes Ma'am, pretty much everything." added Bud.
"I expected better from you two," Mac grumbled disgustedly as she shook her head. "Harm's the one that usually pulls a stunt like this."
"Mac, Harm is just trying to look out for you."
"Sure Ma'am, just like he always has."
She cast a withering look at Sturgis. "Did I ask him to?"
Sturgis however was not buying it. He knew better than Bud, probably better than anyone else, how this Marine felt about the Commander. "Mac, whether you like it or not, you're gonna need backup from time to time and truthfully, Harm is doing what any of us would do for you."
"He's right Ma'am," added Bud trying to help, "The Commander is just doing what any of us would do; watching your six, Ma'am"
Mac tried reasoning with her former mentee. "But Bud, doesn't he realize how badly this might jeopardize our investigation, especially with Briggs watching our every move?"
But Bud had a point to make. "Oh, I'm sure he does care Ma'am. The point is, he cares more about you."
Sturgis jumped in adding more weight to the argument. "Mac, think about it; you'd do the same thing if you were in his place, you've done it lots of times--"
She cut him off. That isn't what she wanted to hear from him. This was not about her, this was about him. "That isn't the point Sturgis...."
Preacher's son Sturgis Turner looked accusingly at the Colonel. "Then what is the point, Mac?"
She stopped. She wasn't sure herself what her point was.
Taking advantage of Mac rare loss for words, the former bubblehead turned lawyer pressed home his attack. "I'll tell you what I think the point is Mac; consequences be damned if it's you helping someone, but your self-righteous, straitlaced personality can't handle it if someone is trying to do the same for you!"
Stunned by this, she turned to Bud for solace. Who gave her none. "Sorry Ma'am, but Commander Turner is right; you'll help anyone, but you won't let anyone help you; especially not Commander Rabb."
Mac sighed heavily. She hated to admit it, but they both were right. Immediately that sneering voice of self-doubt began to laugh and taunt her about how she had blown it again, but she quickly shut it out this time, not even letting a little self-pity creep in. She had to figure out how to tell Harm she was sorry. Something very much not in Mac's vocabulary. This was indeed going to be a very long night.
Local Time Unknown
North of Mirbullah, Iraq
Harmon Rabb, Jr. stalked through desert countryside, with out any real direction or purpose. All he knew was that he had to get away from that infuriating Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. (Yeah, coming back to JAG had been a mistake. Any woman he had ever dated before, he had been able to protect and they had appreciated it-- Annie, Jordan, Renee-they had all loved it, they even said so. But not Sarah--correction, not Mac. She was a tough as nails, by the book Marine, eating bullets for breakfast, arresting and convicting bad guys, so woe to the man who tried to protect her. She didn't want protection from any damn man. Show her affection or a selfless act and she was putty, but try to protect her and God help you....)
"Maybe it’s time I showed everyone, including that stubborn Marine, that I can be responsible and dependable. That I am grown up and not always rushing off charging windmills...." He muttered to himself.
Harm found himself down by the marshes north of the MEU encampment. Tall reeds in the brackish water, swayed in the early morning pre-dawn breeze. Then he saw it. A hand sticking out of the mud.
Harm put his thoughts about Mac and his future at JAG Corps on the back burner as his investigative instinct kicked in. First rule; don't tamper with the scene of the crime. Still he needed to get closer.
He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, but when he rubbed them, and looked again, it was still there. Guardedly, the Commander made his way down the sandy slope to the edge of the water where the arm rose above the surface.
Harm looked at the water's surface, it was still cloudy. Whoever dumped this body here, must've done it recently. He heard footfalls. Looking up, he saw a young Arab man carrying a bundle of reeds. Despite the fact they were in the 21st century, people in the isolated villages outside of the big cities still preferred 19th century methods. Harm knew he would need some assistance to keep this body from floating downstream with the current.
"Hey! I need some help!"
The man dropped his load of reeds and ran down to the water's edge. Nodding, he started trying to wade out to body, as he thought Harm wanted help to pull the body free.
The aviator/lawyer cut in front of the man who thought he was helping. "No, no. No! We can't do this." The man looked at him confused. "You stay here with the body. Don't move anything. I'll be back with help." Harm didn't know if the man understood or not, but at least he wasn't trying to pull it out anymore. He clambered back up the embankment and began jogging back toward the MEU Headquarters.
0305 Local
Camp Chesty Puller
Near Mirbullah, Iraq
Sturgis, Mac and Bud sat on the steps to her barracks each deep in their own thoughts. Each was afraid to say anything more.
At that moment a HMMWV rolled into the MEU compound, causing a great deal of commotion. Mac could see Harm in the front beside the driver. He got out and sprinted over to them.
Mac got up from the step first, quickly followed by Sturgis and Bud.
"Harm, what's the matter?" she asked forgetting about the fight they had just had. A part of her just realized that she did exactly what Harm would have done if the roles were reversed-reach out to help. They would have to talk about this, but not right now. The look in his eyes, meant whatever it was that brought him back here so quickly, was serious.
"There's a body in the canal north of here," he said tersely.
He didn't have to say anything else. The three of them followed him back to the
Hum-vee. At the truck, an MP Sergeant was now talking to the driver. When he saw the JAG Corps officers approaching, he saluted.
"Sergeant, there's a body in the salt marsh canal north of here. Have a medical officer, and Captain Johnson meet us there."
"Aye Sir." The man started heading to the medical building as the four JAG officers climbed on board the truck. "Let's go," said Harm to the driver.
The man dropped the truck into gear, and pulled out of the compound.
*~*
The medical officer, Captain Johnson and two more MPs slowly made their way down the embankment where Harm and the others were waiting. The commotion had awakened many in the village and despite the early hour of the morning, they were now gathered around the edge of the canal.
The lights of the trucks had been pointed down the embankment toward the body. Johnson nodded toward Mac, who returned his greeting.
"What have you got?"
"A body in the water. Commander Rabb found it."
He looked over at Harm who was trying to keep the body from drifting into the swifter current, in the middle of the canal. "Commander? Who do we have?"
"Can't tell Captain. He or she is covered with silt. Can you take some pictures?"
Johnson aimed his camera at the slowly moving body. The current tugged at the corpse making it seem alive. Harm did his best to steady the body without actually touching it.
"Okay, I've got what I need." He motioned to the MPs standing at the water's edge. "Help the Commander get that body out of the water."
As Bud watched, Sturgis, Mac, Harm and the MPs grabbed the form and pulled it out of the silty muck. The crowd murmured and moved forward as the corpse was laid on the embankment by the mud covered officers and MPs.
Harm squatted down next to the still form, as the reed carrier and the others looked on. The body was coated. It was impossible him to tell who 'he' had been.
Mac looked at the body. It was a male, covered from head to toe with thick silt. She noticed the combat boots. She immediately made the connection. "A Marine?"
One of the MP Corporals looked at the body. "Well, I would say that's a good guess Ma'am. He's wearing BDU trousers and has on standard issue combat boots. He looked closer. "He seems to be missing his shirt--"
Bud got closer to the form. "Do you think it might be ‘Lieutenant Colonel Ronald Glover?’"
Harm sighed as he leaned against the side of the truck. "That would be my guess. Minus Martin's uniform and Livingston's insignia."
"Looks like we've got another death to add to this investigation...." replied Sturgis wearily.
The doctor, a Captain with a walrus-like black mustache, made a quick check of the man. "Yeah, he's one of ours." He brushed some of the silt away from the man's neck with his gloved hand. "And here's what killed him."
Mac winced when she saw the black and blue marks on the man's neck.
The doctor finished his cursory examination. "His windpipe has been crushed and it looks like someone gave him a karate chop on his Adam’s apple to boot." The doctor motioned to the MP Corporal. "Bag and tag what you need to. We'll get the NCIS field agent out here later today."
Bud came back to the group. "Commander, I checked with the locals. No one saw or heard anything unusual."
"Did they hear any vehicles come by this way, hear anything splash in the water?"
"Uh, they told me lots of vehicles come by here day and night. People are always throwing stuff in the canal"
"Terrific."
An approaching Hum-vee could be heard. Harm looked at the ground.
"Mac, please tell me that isn't Briggs."
"What the devil is going on out here?!" The Colonel's brusque voice brought everyone to attention. Harm hissed his disgust, though he should have guessed that Briggs would make a personal appearence.
Briggs walked over and looked down at the body and then at Mac. "Huh! This your boogie man, Colonel?" Another man was standing close to Briggs. Mac could see he was wearing the rank of Lieutenant Colonel.
"It would appear so, Sir." replied Mac soberly.
The newly arrived Lieutenant Colonel looked sympathetically at Mac. "This is the man who threatened you, Ma'am?"
"I can't be sure, Colonel...?" Mac stopped uncertain who this polite man was standing next to Colonel Jackass.
"Baxter," said the man quickly filling in that blank. "Lieutenant Colonel Andrew Baxter, I'm the Colonel's Executive Officer. Sorry I haven't been here up to now. I've been out with the troops north of Mirbullah on cordon-and-search missions."
"Baxter, you don't have to tell your life story to them!" barked Briggs.
"Aye Sir!" came the crisp reply.
Briggs looked around at the assembled group of MPs and Marine Officers. "It's late, and reveille doesn't come later just because we've been up all night chasing ghosts." He looked at his Executive Officer. "Talk to the Doc and get this squared away, ASAP Baxter."
"Aye, aye Sir."
"Colonel." Mac and Sturgis looked in Harm's direction.
Briggs started at Harm's authoritarian voice. He turned toward this nuisance. "What is it Commander?" he growled.
"Colonel, we'll have to alert NCIS about what has happened."
He looked at the Commander as if he had grown a second head. "What do we need with them snooping around here? You're an investigator aren't you?"
Harm was taken aback by rudeness of his question. He stared stonily at the man. "Yes Sir, but--."
"But nothing Commander!" He waved his arm dismissively at him. "I don't see any reason to bring anyone else in on this case!"
Mac, Sturgis and Bud showed their surprise at his request. Harm couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Colonel, one of your men has been murdered! There are procedures we have to follow--"
Briggs was livid. "Then investigate! Rabb! I don't give a hang about procedure!! Find out who did it! Chegwidden said you were the best - now prove it! I don't want anyone else snooping around my MEU! Get it done and leave NCIS out of it!! Are we clear Commander?!"
Harm and the other JAG officers came to attention. "Aye, aye Sir!"
"I'll see you JAGMen in the morning." The attorneys saluted, but Briggs didn't bother acknowledging them as he climbed back in his Hum-vee. Harm and the others came to attention until Briggs' truck disappeared into the darkness. The crowd from the village, figuring the show was over, began to disperse.
Baxter looked apologetically at the attorneys. "Sorry Sirs, Ma'am, he's been this way since--"
"-we arrived?" finished Bud.
Baxter shrugged his shoulders. "Look, I know he hasn't been exactly friendly to you, but he hasn't always been this way."
Mac was curious. (It seems like everyone in this unit is covering for each other. The question is why?) "How long has he, as you say, 'been like this', Colonel?"
Baxter cleared his throat. It was clear he was uncomfortable talking about this. "It's been on and off for the past few months, recently it seems to have gotten worse."
"Gotten worse, Colonel?" Harm spoke up for the first time since Briggs left. "In what way--"
"Colonel Baxter, Colonel Briggs told us you needed our...." Major Vince Barnett, who had been walking toward the Hum-vee stopped in his tracks and his voice trailed off when he saw the four JAG attorneys standing beside Baxter. Captain Johnson stiffened as well.
Their reactions were not lost on the four attorneys.
Barnett looked at the body and then at Johnson. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"
Johnson looked embarrassed. "I thought it was a local. Major, I had no idea it was--"
The Major cut him off before he could say anything else. "Skip the apologies, just get in the truck. We need get the morgue ready, and we have to start writing up the paperwork, for the NCIS Agent in Charge who will be coming later today from Baghdad. We do have an agent coming, don't we?"
A chagrined Johnson headed for Barnett's truck. "Uh well, I guess so, Sir, yes Sir."
Barnett cut a quick look at the JAG Corps attorneys and then back at Johnson. "I can tell
by your face Captain, the old man said 'no NCIS', right?"
Johnson looked at his feet. "Um, Yes Sir."
Vince Barnett looked over at Executive Officer Baxter and ignored the lawyers. "We'll get this taken care of, Sir. Sorry to have bothered you." He motioned to Johnson to get in the truck. The HMMWV pulled away from the canal, and headed back towards the MEU.
"I wonder what's the matter with him?" asked Baxter, absently.
"Probably just saw something that didn't agree with him." Harm said. Baxter cocked his head, as he looked at the Navy lawyer. Although the words could be taken as a joke, the Commander's tone couldn't.
"What are you driving at, Commander?" he asked pointedly.
"He's just kidding Major," said Mac shooting Harm a 'cut it out' look. Harm, ignored her command. He just stared at Baxter.
She was tempted to roll her eyes but didn't. Instead she smiled at Briggs' Executive Officer. Harm noticed her smile, and Mac noted that he was watching carefully.
"I see." Baxter turned his attentions to Mac. "Well Colonel, what is your next move?"
"Our next move, Colonel,” interjected Harm trying to get the XO's attention, "Is to find out who this man is, and why he was killed."
Mac ignored the aviator/lawyer's assertion. "Our next move," she said keeping her attention on Baxter and making sure he remained focused on her. "Is to find out who this man was."
Harm looked as if he was going to explode. For some unknown reason, he didn't. Sturgis and Bud tried to keep their faces as neutral as possible, keeping their eyes on the seething Commander.
Baxter stared at her longer than he should have. Mac smiled shyly at him.
"Uh, Ma'am, Sir," Bud rudely interrupted their staring contest. "Major Barnett is probably going to need our help. We need to get back." The hint of antipathy with Mac's 'antics' was perfect. Harm realizing that Mac was playing her part as described by Lindsey's report, fought down his anger, but he still was irked at her for playing her role so...so...easily?
Mac bit her lower lip, looking embarrassed. "Um, Thank you Bud."
"Yes, Thank you, Lieutenant." replied Baxter somewhat stiffly.
The two officers parted reluctantly.
*~*
As the four attorneys headed back to their quarters, Harm shot Mac a sickened look.
"What?" replied Mac nonchalantly, knowing exactly what Harm was irritated about.
Sturgis grabbed Bud's arm and pulled him toward the building. "Come on Lieutenant, the Commander and the Colonel have some issues to discuss."
Bud cut a quick look at his two mentors and nodded. "Understood Sir."
Both men quickly entered the building and shut the door. As the door closed, Harm snorted. "That was some display MacKenzie, you would have made a good barmaid in the old West."
For once, Mac decided to not go for bait. Instead she fired back with her own witty comment. "My old law school professor said I would have made a good lap dancer, so I figured I'd put those assets to good use."
They both looked at each other for a long moment. When he broke contact, his eyes slid away from her with Harm looking everywhere except at her. "Uh Mac, I--"
She put her hand gently on his arm. He immediately focused on her. "Harm, don't; you don't have to do this. I'm the one--"
Harm put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't apologize." She quirked her eyebrow at him. "Someone once told me it's a sign of weakness."
"But Harm you said--"
"Forget what I said Jarhead,” he said casually, brushing her off. "We got a case to investigate."
Mac planted her hands on her hips. (So much for resolving what lead to this in the first place. Just like on the Watertown, on the Guadalcanal and in Paraguay, we're 'tabling our discussion of anything remotely dealing with our relationship for now'.) "So you're just dropping it that easily." Mac could feel the anger building in her.
He locked eyes with her. His anger was under control, but she was pushing it. They had an investigation to conduct. Why did she want to bring this up right now? "For right now, yes." There was irritation in his voice.
She could see where this was headed and decided to try a different track. "Harm, please listen to me; you shouldn't leave JAG."
He really didn't want to talk about this right now, but she was pressing him so maybe if he lanced it quick, it wouldn't hurt as much. "Why not Mac?"
She looked at him earnestly. "Because the Admiral gave you a second chance, Harm, and we all missed you." She was trying to say it, but as always with Harm, boyfriend or not, it was hard. So she hedged her bet, hoping he would see what she really meant.
But he didn't. He started to walk away from her. "That's great Mac, but I can't deal with this; I'm suffocating, I can't even protect my best friend--"
It was her last chance. "Harm, I missed you. I don't want you to leave again."
Harm stopped. He turned around and looked at her.
She steadied herself and threw herself into the lion's mouth. She was scared to death about what would happen. But she was even more scared of Harm leaving her. "Yeah, you heard me, Flyboy. I missed you. There are you happy? I missed you watching my six, I missed your crazy plans,” she sighed and lowered her head. "I missed the man who told me he loves me."
The aviator/lawyer didn't know what to say. "Mac I--"
Mac didn't want him slip away any further than he already had. She could feel him pulling away and she couldn't face that again. She had to try to reach him, even if it meant giving up some of her independence. "Please Harm, bear with me; this is new territory for me. I'm used to having my partner watch my six, but now, you're more than my partner, this is--"
"It's different" he finished for her, his words gentle, losing all the anger they had borne just a few minutes ago.
The Marine Lieutenant Colonel was on a roll. "Yeah, it's different. You, Sturgis and Bud are right; I tend to be the first to help just like you when someone gets into trouble. But also just like you, I hate having anyone help me." She looked up into his face. A slight sad smile crossed hers. "Especially if it's my boyfriend."
He leaned in close. She was bearing her soul - something that Mac, Sarah, had never done with anyone. Still, he had to know more. "And why is that?" He asked, his voice was tight.
She looked down at her hands. Her voice was low and trembling. "Because I'm afraid...."
"Afraid?" he said softly, lifting her head with his thumb and forefinger. "Afraid of what?"
She chuckled humorlessly, now it was her turn to look everywhere but at him. "Afraid that I'll be seen as incompetent; your weak damsel in distress; the perils of Mac...."
He felt as if for the first time he was seeing the woman behind the Marine. "Mac, you know I would never see you that way or treat you that way--"
But she wasn't about to stop now. It was like absolution. "Harm since I was fifteen years old I've been an independent person, never needing anyone's help or asking for it. It took Eddie's death and Uncle Matt hitting me with the proverbial two by four to get me to realize that I needed help." She took hold of his hand. "All I'm saying, Harm, is give me time. With all the others it was so tempting to let go...to pretend I felt safe, but as soon as I did, things started to fall apart. I can't let that happen with you Harm, I want this to work so bad, I can taste it. So, I hold on to my independence, it's my way of keeping you with me."
Harm felt that now he was really beginning to understand this woman. "Mac, I know that Marines are always saying 'Semper Fi, Do or Die' and all that, but they are also trained to rely on their buddies, their fellow Marines." He cupped her face with his hands as she held onto his. "And while I may not be a Marine, I damn sure am going to do my best to protect you, not hinder or coddle you, but be there when you need me, but you also have to trust me."
She bit her lower lip, God, why was this was so hard? She wanted to run away. "I want to trust you Harm, but let me do it in my own way on my own time, okay? I promise I'll try to be more understanding about you wanting to protect me."
Harm smiled for the first time since this yesterday. It was a gentle understanding smile. "Okay Mac, acknowledgement accepted. Now let's get back to this case."
---TBC…
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