| Subject: Part 1A / 18 ...Title..Tough Year. |
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Maximus
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Date Posted: 17:03:50 09/06/06 Wed
In reply to:
Maximus
's message, "London Series" on 13:06:25 09/06/06 Wed
London Series: Part 1A of 18
Author: Maximus
Part 1 Title: Tough Year
Harms Apartment
17:00 hrs
Monday, Day of orders
As I sit here thinking of everything that has happened in the past 4 hours, I can’t help thinking about the year that has just passed. I found it to be really tough. It reminds me of a winter tour in Alaska. At times when I was in where it was warm, things were nice and seemed to work well in my life. But most of the time I felt like I was out on the wind-blown tundra alone, in life threatening freezing temperatures, where death lurked about for the unwary. I have been trying so hard not to be one of those. I am not going to be!
Today I received orders to be the new Force JAG for the European Theatre. This is fulfillment of one of my fondest dreams and absolutely huge to me. Also my advancement to Captain was approved. Wow. What a day! I have dreamed of wearing 4 gold stripes ever since my academy days. Mac also received orders to command the new Joint Legal Service Center that is being set up in San Diego. I was happy for her when Cresswell gave her the orders and also astounded when he gave me mine. We are going in opposite directions and that might really be what Mac wants. I could hardly believe her comment to me when I followed her into her office. When I said, “we both knew that this day might happen” her comment was “your elevation to greatness ?” Honestly, these days, I am not sure what to expect from her. Our relationship has been so weird this year that I really don’t have a clue how she feels. I am so tired of what has been going on that I am not sure how much I care anymore. Most of this year seemed to be about “indifference”. There had been good times but also too much of “nothingness”.
Well one thing is sure; I no longer need a wife as much as I did before. With things so unsettled, maybe that is a good thing. As Force JAG, I will be moving into the command home in the JAG compound in London. It is a four bedroom Victorian with huge rooms for entertaining and housing also for 3 stewards, one of which will also be my driver. The senior steward is Manual who had been my steward aboard the Seahawk years ago and is one smart sailor. It looks like the Navy will meet most of my needs. (But maybe not the most important ones.)
I have a lot to do in only 4 days. I ask P.O. Coates to arrange two tickets (just in case) for the 05:27 AM flight to London for Saturday morning. That was the last flight available which would put me in London Sunday night. Just 4 days. Wow, how will I ever get it all done. I have got to start packing all of the special things from my apartment before the packers come to do the large things. I am leaving most of my furniture in the apartment so I can rent it out furnished. The London compound is exquisitely furnished in keeping with the locale so I don’t need mine. I am assuming this tour of duty will be two or 3 years so I will just buy what I need when I return.
There will be many things to do over there once I know the “lay of the land” so to speak. I will need to select an aide and determine whom I want for my XO. It really ticked me off when Bud turned me down. He would have been ideal for the job and he has been a good friend.
As I think over the past year, a very few things have been normal. The seasons have changed. Leaves have grown, turned brown and fell, and now have been replaced by new ones this spring. Bud and Harriet’s children have grown and they seem as happy as ever. I have been on so many TAD’s that I have missed some things but evidently nothing important.
What has really been abnormal is my life. It has been as if the “Producer” which planned each episode of my life had “s**t for brains”. It seemed to contain periods of time where nothing made a whole lot of sense and left me feeling unloved and out of control. It seemed like some of my efforts were like pushing on a string.
All of that will change when I get on that plane on Saturday morning. Things will then be under my control and also will be my responsibility!
The most important question now is if this will be with or without Mac. In my effort to think about her, my thoughts started at the beach at Manderley back last September. Mac had found that her yearlong relationship with the spook was a lie. He was alive but had been dishonest to her and had used her. I tried not to mix words with her. I told her that if she could not talk to Clay, then I ask her to talk to me. THANKS, BUT NO THANKS was the basic answer. I told her as clearly as I knew how that I felt she kept refusing anything I had offered her and in the future she would have to come to me when she was ready.
That had not happened to my dismay. Well, it might have the night I was entertaining Professor Alicia Montez, when Mac showed up at my place. I really don’t know if she was coming to me or not. Frankly, I have always thought she was jealous and was checking to find out if I was bedding Alicia. She never tried after that that I knew. She had been to my apartment one time in a whole year and she never invited me to hers. Our only contact was at work except when she had her accident and that was special. After the beach, we worked cases together from September through Christmas in what I would say was a Professional manner. It lacked the closeness and understanding we had shared before and it left me feeling totally empty.
After her auto accident in December, I thought we made major strides in our relationship. After I got her home from the hospital, we enjoyed what was left of the holidays and spent a lot of time together. We consummated our sexual relationship that had been boiling for 8 years with more love, wonder, and excitement than could have been expected. I felt that our world was finally right. The problem was that the following week it was like it never even happened. Her attitude seemed to say that it didn’t matter. Well, damnit, it mattered to me. What was I supposed to feel and think. It made me feel like we just had a one-night stand. That went against everything we had felt and worked for. Talk about being upset.
After Mattie had her accident, every thing seemed to go down hill. Mac came to the hospital one time and chastised me for not turning Tom into child welfare services. She acted like she didn’t understand how important Mattie was to me. I refused any help she had to offer. One other time she was acting like the Chief of Staff, that she was, by asking me (in front of others) if there was anything she could do for me. Other than that we have had minimal contact. I am so upset about the indifferent attitude she has been giving me. It is tough to take from someone you love. Maybe I should not.
I no longer feel that I am on the top of Mac’s list, I am no longer “most important.” Mac seems to have become careless about common courtesies that we had always valued in the past. I remember vividly my cell call to her the late evening when she was in San Diego, getting ready to sit down with the General for the conference dinner, and she would not take time for my call. She asked if she could call me later but she never did. I needed her comfort and understanding because Mattie had been hurt and in a comma. That really pissed me off. There were rumors about her giving special attention to Lt. Sleaze that evening which still really bothers me. How could she with that creep?
For some reason “Semper Fidelis” has been on my mind a lot lately. I have developed a regard for “always faithful” after training to be undercover as a Marine in 1997. I totally understand what responsibilities every Marine accepts to live by when honor and fidelity are fused together. Its violation causes major disrespect of one’s own self as well from other Marines. I have been having a tough time with the words Mac and Semper Fi in the same thought or sentence. Since she did not seem “always faithful” to me, I keep wondering whom she has been faithful to, if anyone. How had she measured up in the “always faithful” department with others over the years? I guess I must be feeling betrayed. I know that her “Faithfulness” to me will be important if we are ever to become “one”.
The most important thing now is to resolve the relationship with Mac. I honestly don’t even know what that means. Even though I have had some very angry moments and thoughts about her this past year, she still is the air that I need to breathe. I am hopelessly “in Love” with her but have never been able to tell her the words. This will need to be a “go for broke effort” so I do not have regrets later. Whatever happens and is decided, it must be what we both want and can live with. I am not going to accept Indifference, Nothingness, or any other halfway measure. If she does not want this as badly as I do, I will be better off alone. I am going to wait a day or two to determine her reaction before I do anything.
(from episode script)
Mac’s Apartment
13:00 hrs
Wednesday
Harm: I need some advice.
Mac: Good, because I need yours.
Harm: What are you doing about the lease on your apartment?
Mac: That’s what you want to talk about, real estate?
Harm: Yeah.
Mac: I’m subletting. You remember Varese.
Harm: Yeah, the woman Turner was dating.
Mac: Still is.
Harm: Who knew?
Mac: Anyway, she’s coming to DC for a few months, see how things go with Sturgis.
Harm: What about her career?
Mac: She’s booked six nights a week at the One Step down, kind of like the house Chanteuse. So, what about your apartment?
Harm: I offered it to Coates but she’s not interested in staying in the building.
Mac: Yeah, the neighborhood never seems the same once your neighbor tries to kill you. Have you talked to Mattie?
Harm: Yeah, that was the first call I made.
Mac: She told you to go?
Harm: Yes.
Mac: What did you say?
Harm: I told her I wasn’t going anywhere without her. We’re still waiting for the Juvenile Court to rule on it however her father is not contesting it, so.
Mac: You’re a good Dad. (pause) What about your cases, who’s getting them?
Harm: Give them to Bud, his choice/
Mac: He finally told you he’s not going?
Harm: You know, once Harriet makes his mind up that’s pretty much it. I’ll probably stick Turner with the dogs.
Mac: You’re all heart.
Harm: (picks up a sheet of paper): Ooh, LT Wilson, PO Lyons. Ensign…
Mac: You mind?
Harm: Funny, I didn’t see Vukovic’s name there.
Mac: Nah, I don’t want him. You could take him to London.
Harm: Not my type.
Mac: Nor mine.
Harm: I wouldn’t dismiss him out of hand Mac, he did a fair job on the case we worked together, might come in handy.
Mac: That’s odd coming from you.
Harm: You afraid of him?
Mac: I can bend him like a pretzel.
Harm: He might like that.
Mac: (changes the subject):So, were you ready for this?
Harm: Were you?
Mac: Well, I’ve been dreading it for a while but now that it’s here it doesn’t seem so bad. You know, just taking it one day at a time.
(end of script)
I took a long look at Mac and quickly excused myself and left. That was useless. I have heard the same AA slogans from her before. It is obvious that the only way this will make sense or have value is that she must come to me because she is ready as was the agreement back in September. If it is not important to her, nothing will ever work. We may still have tough times and it will take a commitment by both of us to regain the love and trust we once had.
Retired Adm. Chegwidden home
17:00 hrs
Wednesday
I have been sitting in this car out front of AJ’s place for 20 minutes trying to get up the nerve to go in. I will have to swallow my pride and admit weakness to really discuss what I need to with him. That usually doesn’t go over very well with Navy seals. Well here goes nothing.
(Knock, knock)
Harm: Hello AJ, can you take a minute for me?
AJ: Sure, what’s up son?
Harm: Have you heard about my transfer?
AJ: Yes, they talked to me about it a couple weeks ago.
Harm: I don’t know what to do about Mac, Sir.
AJ: What is this really all about?
Harm: We really have had a tough year. It feels like she treats me like dirt sometimes. Other times it is something like it used to be. You know I have been in love with her forever and will be lost without her. If she really doesn’t want me, it is going to be difficult for me.
AJ: Harm, you are overreacting again. You have got to relax and trust her. Mac has been under heavy scrutiny every since Cresswell arrived even though she is Chief of Staff. She is “going by the book” even when it hurts both of you. She has discussed the hurt with me but she feels she has no other choice. She has said and done things to you that hurt but if she can’t convince you that she is trying to “go by the book”, how will she convince others? The blemish of the affair with Farrell, on her record, keeps coming up with the two and three stars. She is a good Marine and deserved a command billet. She has worked hard for it.
Harm: I went to talk to her earlier today and she was evasive and uncomfortable. The conversation never accomplished much. She didn’t explain why she had been acting the way she has been to me.
AJ: If your relationship is important enough to her, she will come to you. Personally, I think she will because she loves you very much. If it happens, be careful not to mess it up. Since she is being reassigned also, how are you going to deal with that? Have you thought about it? Please be prepared with your plan if it happens. I can’t see either one of you ever being happy with anyone else. Do it for me. OK?
Harm: OK. Thanks for everything. Do you know who I turn my cars into to have them shipped over?
AJ: Leave the cars in the JAG lot and give Coates the keys. She will have them pick them up the same day they pick up your household goods.
Harm: Are you doing anything special Friday evening? I would like you to attend my “Frocking Ceremony” at SECNAV’s office at 17:00. Also, if my plans work out, I might need your help.
AJ: I will keep Friday evening open. Call me.
Harm: Thanks. Bye.
Harm and Mac continued the packing process on Thursday.
Harms apartment
14:00 hrs
Friday
(from episode script)
Harm turns to see Mac leaning against the open door.
Mac: Hey
Harm: Hey yourself.
Mac: Something so final about a packed suitcase.
Harm: Yeah, not to mention an entirely packed apartment. How about you, you packed?
Mac: Not completely. (pause) Let’s talk about you and me.
Harm: Neither one of us…
Mac: Wants to be the first to say goodbye. Yeah, I know the song, we’ve been singing it for years.
Harm: Mac, I don’t think that I will ever feel about anyone else the way that I feel about you.
Mac: That’s very flattering. One piece of advice – don’t share that with your wife, whoever that might be, she might not understand.
Harm: Do you understand?
Mac: Why we can’t make it work? Why we let fate decide our futures? No, I don’t.
Harm: Let me ask you a personal question. Of all the men in your life, what was it about them that attracted you?
Mac: Well, they wanted me, and they let me know it.
Harm: I wanted you. You knew that.
Mac: Harm, no woman wants to be a mind reader, and with you there’s always complications – another woman, work, searching for your father.
Harm: That’s all past.
Mac: Is it?
Harm: Mac, we have 12 hours.
Mac: We’ve had 9 years.
Harm: I guess maybe I just needed a deadline.
Mac: Well, you got one, sailor.
(Harm leans in and they kiss)
Mac: What are you proposing – and that’s not a Freudian slip.
Harm: I’m proposing. Let’s get married.
(they kiss again)
Mac: In London?
Harm: Yeah, London works for me.
Mac: San Diego works for me.
Harm: This has always been the 500-pound gorilla in the room.
Mac: If we get married, one of us has to give up their Navy careers.
Harm: (teasing) Well, we could wait until I retire.
Mac: Yeah, what’s another decade or so, huh?
Harm: I love you, Mac. But I don’t want to give up my Navy career and you don’t want to give up the Marine corps.
Mac: So we’re right back where we started.
Harm: Do you believe in fate?
Mac: Well, it put us together, sort of.
Harm: Fate could keep us together forever
(they kiss again)
(end of episode script)
Harm: You haven’t answered me. Will you marry me?
Mac: Yes. I have been waiting for you to ask me for years. And Yes to the question you didn’t ask. I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember.
(they kiss again)
Harm: We need to clear the air about this past year. I feel you have not been very loyal to me. I have hurt feelings about it.
Mac: I know and I am really sorry about that. I guess I over reacted as not to bring more trouble on the both of us. I felt it would be best to maintain the ruse to convince everyone that I was “going by every letter in the book.” It sounds like I convinced you “too well.” Can you forgive me? I really need you to. I really enjoyed the holidays with you because I didn’t have to go to work the next day and I could just love you. I wanted so much to spend nights with you but it seemed like someone was always watching. If we can come up with a good plan, we can get married and they can find someone else to make miserable.
Harm: Can we love each other enough to accept what fate (a coin toss) would bring? I found on my way to Paraguay that nothing was more important than my love for you. I no longer find all of my worth in the Navy. You have been my number one for the past couple of years, even though I didn’t get to spend them like I wanted to with you. Are other things important to you?
Mac: Yes. Family, home, children and love if it is with you.
Harm: Would you be willing to resign your commission, if necessary, to come with me to London. Before you answer, you need to know that I am willing to do that to go with you to San Diego?
Mac: Yes.
Harm: AJ reminded me that the military always needs good attorneys and doubts that either one of us will every need to resign. You might need to be in a different command but you would possibly get your O6 and could finish your 20 for full retirement. If we are successful as parents, you wouldn’t need to work or at least no TAD’s.
Mac: I could really get into that. I am willing to follow you anywhere.
(they embrace and kiss)
Harm: How do you want to do this in the 12 hours we have left?
Mac: Lets call the gang and have them some special place and lets have everyone else come to (honk-honk car horn) for the wedding.
Harm: Wow, Great idea. One of us could call Jennifer and ask her to pass the word to everyone that they are invited to join us at (honk- honk car horn) at 20:00 tonight for a special surprise. We can invite everyone back to Benzingers for a drink after it is over.
Mac: Why don’t we have our gang over to McMurphy’s for a drink and the coin toss. Will you call Bud and Harriet and let them know about the wedding and ask him to do the toss for us.. Why don’t we keep the wedding a surprise to Jen and Sturgis but invite them over as well. How are we going to get Cresswell there?
Harm: That sounds good to me. Can you call Jen and ask her to take care of Cresswell. That brings up my next question: My “Frocking Ceremony” is at 17:00 hours today at the SECNAV’s office. Will you come and be with me? I want you to be part of the ceremony.
Mac: Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Harm: Good. It is going to be very private with only you, Frank and mom, SECNAV, Admirals’ Chegwidden and Boone and General Cresswell. Would you wear that red dress I was told you wore at the conference dinner in San Diego?
Mac: Yes I will, with my silver shoes.
Harm: Great. We really have a lot to do between now and 17:00. I need to finish packing . I will need to separate all the boxes into two areas in case we go to San Diego instead of London. Do you need help?
Mac: No, I got it covered. Call me before you leave for SECNAV’s, OK?
(kisses again)
Harm: I am going to call Bud now if you will call Jen. Thanks
Mac makes a quick exit and makes her way out of his parking lot before flipping on her cell phone. She quickly makes the most important call.
(ring – ring) Roberts residence.
Mac: Is that you Harriet?
Harriet: Yes. What’s up Mac?
Mac: I am going to need your help big-time. Harm is going to call Bud and you in a few minutes to let you know we have decided to get married and one of us will need to resign our commission to go with the other to the new duty station. Bud is being asked to do the coin toss at McMurphy’s tonight. I want you to know that I want the life that you have. The house, babies, soccer practice, I want it all as Harm’s wife. It is important to me that the coin toss goes in his favor tonight if you understand.
Harriet: You can count on me if I can get a chance to help.
Mac: Thanks. Play along like you don’t know anything when Harm calls. Ok?
Harriet: I am so happy for you. I am glad you made up your mind. He loves you so much.
Mac: Thanks. This is our little secret.
(Hangs up)
(ring – ring)
(Jen) General Cresswell’s office.
Mac: It’s Mac. Please pass the word that Harm and I have a special surprise planned at the ( honk – honk car horn) tonight at 20:00 hours. Everyone is invited to meet us there. Also, we are having our closest friends, which of course includes you, at McMurphy’s at 18:30. I would like you to come. Can you find a way to get General Cresswell there? Can you make it?
Jen: Sure, I will be there for you two for the whole evening.
Mac: Thanks, see you there.
(hangs up)
Mac had many things to do before 17:00 so she headed toward her apartment. First thing she needed to do was to pick up that special wedding band she had picked out long ago for Harm. She quickly called ahead to make sure the ring was available in Harm’s size and they had it up front ready for her. She quickly stopped by to collect the ring and was on the way to her apartment. She had dreamed of the day she would be able to do this for him. The way the special carving of the ring picked up and reflected the light always reminded her of him.
She laid out the red dress and the special under clothing she liked to wear with it that made her feel absolutely beautiful and sexy. She picked up the only box of shoes that she had not packed, her silver shoes. She had bought these totally fragile, totally impractical high-heeled shoes on sale for way too much money simply because they were just about the prettiest shoes she’d ever seen. They had sat in her closet month after month, delicate and silver in their box. Occasionally, she had tried them on. She would walk around the bedroom and scuff their soles on her kitchen floor and living room rug. After all, she didn’t want to humiliate herself the first time she wore them in public.
She never thought she would wear them to a “Frocking ceremony” and then to McMurphy’s. She never imagined that she would celebrate her engagement in a bar. Months ago when she had bought them, she imagined wearing them to a ball or other formal wedding. She thought she’d wear them on her honeymoon or on a cruise. Instead, she was going to wear them to a place that smelled like stale cigarette smoke and where people could spill beer on them. It was absolutely perfect.
After her shower and getting dressed, she collected her wedding dress and everything that she was to wear tonight and made her way to her corvette. She arrived at SECNAV’s office a few minutes early so she could see everyone.
(Cont’d on Part 1B)
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